Archive for the ‘Pee’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Embrace the Stereotype

Queer: I don't want someone to fuck me with their stoma!

–11th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Amanda

Gay guy: That girl is such a Rice Krispie.

–Outside Gristedes, Christopher St

Overheard by: McF

Queer on cell: And I said to him, "Take it like the bottom you are!"

–8th St & 23rd St

Gay guy: I just got pounded by the two hottest guys I've ever seen!

–58th & 9th

Gay man (getting his hair cut by another): So we went to Fire Island this weekend and we went to this party. I said, "Patrick, you better pee on Jon right now to mark your territory."

–57th & 7th

Gay man on cell: Oh, morals disappear after 8pm!

–Amsterdam & 83rd

He Forgot to Pull Up His Tights

Drunk male ballet dancer: Can I have your attention, please? I’m not asking for money — I just want to let you all know that I need to pee and I’m going to step between the cars for a moment. I’ll be right back, don’t worry. [He steps out of the car onto the walkway for a few seconds, then comes back in. Whole car applauds.]

–1 train

… Sometimes I Slip Maker’s Mark into the Rotation

Mother: Okay, now when we get to the movie theater, your mother needs to go to the bathroom… No groaning!
Little boy, groaning: You have to pee, like, eight times a day! And on the airplane, you get up, like, 10 times!
Mother: Well, I drink a lot of water.
Little boy: And wine.
Mother: Well…

–M104 bus

Man's Best Wednesday One-Liner

Slightly thugged-out guy, rapping to little white poodle: Li'l coco! You's a muthafuckin' beast, yo! Li'l coco! Yeah!

–Cobble Hill, Brooklyn

Overheard by: John Bender

Guy to dog: Lady, it's just me! There's only me!

–77th St, Bay Ridge

Overheard by: Jon A.

Big burly guy to tiny yorkie, as it sniffs tree and walks away: Well, thanks for that false alarm.

–43rd St & 10th Ave

Upper West Side lady to little pampered dog with sweater: It's okay, baby, you can talk.

–80th Ave & Columbus

Hipster dog walker, whispering to herd of dachsunds: Mushhhhh…

–Central Park

A 20-something Has an Intern?

20-something girl #1: She’s so fucked in the brain — I can’t believe it. My intern wants an intern. Oh, God.
20-something girl #2, dreamily: Hmmm, makes me want to pee on her head.
20-something girl #1: You’d really be doing me a favor.

–Bryant Park

Why There Are So Many Starbucks

Tourist lady #1: I can’t believe they only have five stalls in here!
Tourist lady #2: Oh, you just wait until you get into the city — there’s less there!
Tourist lady #1: Oh…
Tourist lady #2: Yeah, you’ll be peeing in your cup!
Woman stranger in stall: I’ve done that!

–Bathroom, JFK