Archive for the ‘Pee’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Are Potty Mouths

Man in stall, struggling: Damn you, Taco Bell! –Bathroom, John Jay College Girl on cell in stall: I liked him better when he was homeless. –Bathroom, Lerner Hall, Columbia University Overheard by: Sydney Drunk hipster in stall: Don’t get the kielbasa sandwich. –Club Warsaw, Williamsburg Overheard by: nickporjr Man on cell in stall: Hold on a second, honey. [Biological sounds] Okay, I’m back. Look, there’s no way to say this other than right out. This week together made me think things over. Will you marry me? –Office bathroom, 44th & Lex Overheard by: Tony Drunk girl in stall, to herself: Okay, this time let’s try not to pee all over my jeans. –Cabana, Maritime Hotel Girl in stall: Uggghhh! Fuck… [Panting] Fuck! –Bathroom, Fordham Law School Overheard by: Seriously concerned Guy at urinal: Oh yeah, son! Yeah, I am dominating this shit! –Library Bathroom, Fordham University

Translation: “That Bathroom Better Have a Window Big Enough to Fit Me”

Guy to date: Well, when it’s like when I’m on a roadtrip, even if I need to pee, I don’t, I force myself to keep it in, it’s like a control thing. Totally about power. [Date gets up to go to the bathroom.] Hurry back! I want to tell you more!
Date: Yeah, it’s really… Powerful. –Soup’N’Burger, Broadway & Astor Overheard by: rpk

Wednesday One-Linerbation

Big old lady yelling at MTA employee: Of course they're not coming! They're too busy fucking! Masturbating! Eating donuts! –53rd & Lexington Subway Station Girl to friend: Oh my god, he does things to me that make masturbation seem like bland oatmeal! –14th & 3rd Overheard by: TheOneThatGotAway Teen to friend: Seriously, if I was a guy for a day, all I'd do is piss standing up and masturbate. –Queens Center Food Court Guy on cell: Dude, if I didn't jerk off a couple times a day I'm pretty sure I'd be a serial rapist. –Penn Station Short nerdy businessman to another: I didn't know I was going out with her when I beat off. –15th St & 9th St Overheard by: Spicoli Blond scruffy short man on headset: Do you really think girls would go for that? You think a girl would, for a chance to win $500, watch me masturbate? –R Train

Your Editors Must Excuse Ourselves for a Moment

Mother: Just a few more blocks, honey.
Six-year-old girl: Oh… Okay.
(a few seconds later)
Six-year-old girl: Mommy, I really need to go now.
Mother: Just a few more blocks, Angie. A few more blocks.
Six-year-old girl: But mom, I can't wait.
Mother: You're doing good, Angie. Just a few more blocks. Calm down.
(long pause)
Six-year-old girl: Mommy!
Mother, annoyed: What?
Girl: It's… coming out of my vagina! –E 86th St Overheard by: Dylan Sparrow

Wednesday One-Liners Prove That Nowhere Is Safe from Our Spies

Exasperated mother to child in toilet stall: Hurry up and poop! –Ladies’ Restroom, Penn Station Overheard by: Betsy [Girl is taking a piss in bathroom, friend shuts off lights.]
Girl: Biiitch! You know my pussy don’t glow in the dark! –Williamsburg, Brooklyn Lady in bathroom stall: [Grunts, groans grunts again.] [Pause.] Oh my god, I peed on the floor! –Sheraton Hotel Overheard by: Morgan Hungover senior, chanting loudly over sound of own urination in bathroom: Allllllllll riiighty thennnnnnn! Ahhhhhhhh! –SVA Animation Department Overheard by: Laughing Man farting at urinal, to friend at urinal next to him: Hey, man, what do you think about piss farts? –Kimmel Center, NYU Overheard by: JO in Bobst Girl: I’m not looking. I don’t want to see your vagina. Even if we are family. –AMC Theater Restroom, Times Square Overheard by: wondering what’s going on in the next stall [Horrific sounds heard in adjacent stall for 3 minutes.]
Co-worker, yelling: "I’m sorry, I had milk!" –Office bathroom, 31st Street

Wednesday One-Liners Are So Not the Freshmaker

Bimbette: I don't think I've ever been that grossed out during the day. It all started when that woman smelled like pee… –6 Train Overheard by: j Female suit: We were above an Indian restaurant and he was banging me from behind. I could smell the curry, and while he was banging me I was gagging. –NJ Transit Chick: You smell like vag and pizza. –Borders Girl to friend, after bending head down into her: Damn my puss stank. –E Train Overheard by: Nicole College guy (screaming at friend): Dude! How are you even in college?! You smell like Oust! You smell like Tropical Glade! –1 Train Concerned hipster: I know you just orgasmed, but what's that smell? –E 9th & 3rd Overheard by: Peanut