Archive for the ‘Penis’ Category

Wow, what a dick.

Guy: Yeah, these Speedos won’t work for me. My dick’s too big for them. They never fit right.
Shopgirl: I’ve never seen a customer with that problem. Let’s see what else fits your.. you. –Paragon Sports, 18th & Broadway

Headline by: jgordon
· “A cock and bull story” – Guy · “Finally, it matters.” – Ben Allaire

· “Try to contain yourself” – Jenny

· “We’ll just ignore the fact that your ass is too big for them, too” – Silvyr

· “Talk about a suspicious package…” – girlhattan

· “Clerks III: Bigger, Longer, Uncut” – JB

· “Everybody Wants to Fit In” – Dave Barnette

· “Pop Goes The Weasel” – Paul

· “He has the same problem with hats” – Kendal

· “If she keeps talking like that, they’ll fit even worse.” – bill

· “Quite a Pickle” – Dave Barnette

· “Speedon’t” – Sean McGurr

· “Too big for his britches” – suzie g

· “I am one size fits all” – twosko
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

It’s Part of the Elementary School Curriculum Here in New York

Drunken friend #1: That guy at the bar was hot. You totally should’ve taken him home.
Drunken friend #2: Why me? Let her (points to drunken friend #3) take him home.
Drunken friend #3 (trying to be discreet): Ummmm excuse me? I don’t need a man. I have d-i-c-k at home.
Drunken friend #2: Uhh, the rest of the train can figure out what you just spelled. –Crowded 6 Train Overheard by: ear hustler

Wednesday One-Liners Enforce the Penile Code

Guy: Peanut butter and dick is so delicious. –Henry St & Clinton St Overheard by: Jeannie Hipster girl to friends: … And that’s why guys shouldn’t try to suck their own dicks. –Dominie’s Hoek, Long Island Guy: I just made an RM cry. I feel like a compliance dickhead! –Wall St EMS worker: … And that’s how my penis landed in the punch bowl. –Fordham & Southern Guy on phone: What? If my balls are on your chin, where the fuck is my cock? –Mercer & W 3rd Overheard by: TheBrit Woman in an ‘Officer Nasty’ costume: That girl sure knows how to bake a penis! –Party, 168th & Broadway Overheard by: Peter Pecker

People for the Ethical Treatment Of Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to guy: I don't think that hamsters respond to you as much as, like, a guinea pig does. –Bank St. & Greenwich St. Overheard by: Katie Compa Crazy redneck-looking guy to PETA circus protester: They're gonna do to us what they did to the lions! We'll be put in concentration camps! –Madison Square Garden Overheard by: Santiago and Catie Guy: And she can ride him like a horse! –W 103rd St Graying Brooklyn guy to another: You know, the only thing I haven't seen is a bobcat. –7th Ave & 4th St, Brooklyn Underclassman to another: Lizards can't impregnate anyone. They don't even have penises. –Townsend Harris High School Overheard by: amused Drunk man in tiger costume to McDonald's worker: There's an escaped zoo animal and he wants to eat your pussy. Stop serving your food and hide! (then steals bowl of jams used for breakfast menu) –McDonald's

Wednesday One-Megapixeliners

Pushy black woman to employee standing next to portrait studio samples: The next time I come in here, I want to see my daughter's picture up here, because she is beautiful. –K-Mart, 34th St Overheard by: EthanK Guy: There were some pictures taken, involving, like, my penis and Caleb's penis and five other guys. –4th St & 2nd Ave Girl: Food is overrated, let's just take a picture and leave. –100th St & Broadway Hipster punk girl on phone: Hello? (pause) No, but I know a girl if you're looking. She also puts jelly on her toes. (pause) Who? I once sold a semi-nude photo of myself at an art show once. I think Brendan has a copy of it… no one would ever pay to see my feet. But again, I ask, who were you talking to? (pause) Dave was under the impression that I sold pictures of my extremities for money? That's awesome! I'm going to send him a picture of my elbow! –Union Square Overheard by: Ayenbird Guy: The more bodies, the more pictures. That's what I always say. –14th St & 7th Ave

Wednesday One-Liners and Tigers and Bears–Oh, My!

Young woman to another: But do you know how big a horse dick is? –5th Ave & Carroll, Park Slope Girl: I'm really tired. I'm, like, an animal activist right now. –Parking Lot, Broadway Mall Overheard by: Lysa Student: I'm not that sensitive. I can watch those videos where they like, torture the animal or whatever, and then I'll go eat it. –Cardozo Law School Asian girl: Does this make me look like a sad Panda? –NYU Dining Hall Columbia girl: I'd never have asked if I knew he was the one who'd killed it. But I didn't suspect him. Who'd spend their time strangling a gerbil? –Columbia University Overheard by: Who'd have thought? Guido to friend: Yo, it smells like a skunk burped up a hot dog. –Penn Station Lady on speaker: If you have an animal, please do not put it through the X-ray. –LaGuardia Airport

Wednesdays Strap on Their One-Liners

Woman walking into apartment building: Why did I get stuck carrying the bag of butt plugs? –Greenpoint Ave Hot girl on cell: You won't die if you get stabbed by a dildo. (pause) Well, even if it was a hooker. What did you drink? –Cook St & Bushwick Ave Overheard by: cameo Homie on BlackBerry; No, no, peep this, I said "cock ring" and she says, "like the guy from the OJ trial?" I'm dead serious! –Rockafeller Plaza Attractive 20-something to friend: Got hit with a sex toy! –Pillow Fight, Union Square Overheard by: Anna P. Girl to four friends: And then I saw my old wooden dildo. It was wooden! –37th St & 8th Ave 20-something girl: This is the most exciting thing to happen today! And that's saying something, considering today was a day that included buying sex toys! –Topshop