Archive for the ‘Penis’ Category

You Have to Quit Drinking, Mary, You’re Pregnant!

Drunk girl: What, you think you have a 25-inch dick? I’m not afraid of a 25-inch dick! I haven’t seen your magnum dick! Show me your magnum dick! Take a magnum condom and put it on a corn cob! I didn’t see your magnum dick! [Gets on train.] Diiick! Maybe there are some babies on the train, so I’ll be quiet. They don’t know what a big dick is. [Points at female riders] But they know what a big dick is! They know why they didn’t get on the train! I’m not afraid of a big dick! I didn’t see his big dick! [To male rider] You’re not afraid of a big dick, are you? If I had a big dick, I would push it up on someone. I wouldn’t care if they didn’t want it. [More people get on.] You’re not afraid of a big dick, Sparkly Jacket Man! Sparkly Jacket! You like a big dick, Hot Blue-Jacket Girl? It’s the holidays! We should have cheer! Let’s pray! Pray to Christ! Dear Christ and your big dick, you thrust forth and created this great nation with your sperm, Christ. Pray with me to Christ and his big dick!
Women having own convo: Yeah, so Jerry Seinfeld is coming, and my boss wanted me to get tickets.
Drunk girl: Ohhh, Seinfeld is coming! You guys like a big dick? Christmas spirit! I love all y’all. I want to give every one of you a kiss on the cheek! And a glass of champagne! Christmas spirit! With your big dick! –L train Overheard by: Anna

He Should Be Hiring Skywriters

Teen girl: Wow, that’s pretty big.
Teen guy: And it won’t stop growing.
Teen girl: I think you need a doctor.
Teen guy: Oh yeah? What am I supposed to say? “Hey doc, my penis just won’t stop growing”? Yeah, right.
Teen girl: Uh…maybe you shouldn’t say that out loud. –Penn Station Overheard by: Missy

They Even Go to the Bathroom Crazy

Hobo: Don’t you be lookin’ at my dick, motherfucker!
Homed: What?
Hobo: You look at you own dick when you takin’ a piss!
Homed: I wasn’t looking–
Hobo: Mutherfuckin’ faggot. Probably same faggot pissin’ AIDS all over everybody. Oughta put a bullet up you ass… –Grand Central men’s room Overheard by: john chianese A hobo has peed on himself. Hobo: What the fuck? Can’t a brotha go to the bathroom without all you bitches starin’ like it’s something new? –Prospect Park