Archive for the ‘Penis’ Category

Everyone Knows Red Means “Stop”

Girl to friend: I think I just saw the guy I was with last night.
Friend: You gonna go say something to him?
Girl: No way! First he made me give him a handjob for like an hour, then he shot right in my eye. I think it's still red.
Friend: Your eye or his cock?
Girl: Either way, no second date.

–Downtown 3 Train

Overheard by: hellokitty

Wednesday XXX-Liners

Overly flamboyant gay guy on phone: There is no way he can put himself through law school doing hardcore gay porn!

–Soho

Overheard by: Anastassia

Gay boy to another: Pornstars make good money.

–L Train

Girl: He wants to make money, but all his plans involve me being in porn. You know how long it takes to make a $1000 in porn? Three months!

–Destination Bar, 13th & Ave A

Overheard by: erkala

Heavyset dude to chick watching the Olympics: So I was watching curling porn the other day…

–Lucky Jack's bar, Orchard St.

Overheard by: Ladle

Guy to friend: I saw that girl in a porn video last night. She has a cock.

–William & Cedar

Overheard by: Laura

The Teachings Of Wednesday One-Liners

Professor: I have nothing against horse rapists, generally speaking.

–New School University

Overheard by: Evan Gilmer

Psychology professor: Chocolate may make you feel good, but cocaine will make you feel a lot better!

–Barnard College

Elderly history professor: I'm not sure of the consequences of what I'm saying, but I'm sure it's terribly important.

–Pratt Institute

Serious professor, on Freud: What's the matter, Anne, are you thinking about penis envy?

–Classroom, Hunter College

Overheard by: Rara

Bearded professor: He drew an eye on the bird and asked me "do you know what this means?" (short pause) "I swallow." What do you say to that?

–94th St & Broadway

Overheard by: DI

Elderly professor: You two ladies in the back want to cut the bullshit and listen to my brilliance?

–Tisch School of the Arts

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Wednesday One-Liners Eat at Friendly's

Mother to four-year-old making loud, weird noises in stroller: Will you shut up? See… That's why you don't have any friends.

–Supermarket, Astoria, Queens

Overheard by: George O.

Woman on cell: She put my friendship on the line for a Chanel bag! (pause) So I guess I'm worth like, $600 dollars.

–Starbucks, Astor Place

Overheard by: Kade

Angry woman to man: You had to fuck my friend?! You couldn't think of a better place to put your dick?

–Elevator, 75 Wall St

Overheard by: Jonathan

Seated guy to standing woman: I was out drinking with a friend. Well, less of a friend and more my parole officer…

–L Train

Overheard by: Bradburnside

Suit to woman: I don't believe in friends, ya know?

–22nd & 6th

Overheard by: Edyna

“Row, Row, Row Your Boner…”

Small white chick: I'm so horny. All I can think is, “penis penis penis penis.”
Large black gay friend: I know how you feel. That's me, constantly.
Small white chick: Well, it's also me. So I guess we're in the same boat. The same penis-shaped boat.
Large black gay friend: Big, hard, black penis-shaped boat.
Small white chick: That's us. We're in that boat.
Large black gay friend: Is it a motorboat?!
Small white chick: Yes! Of course!
Large black gay friend: Yay!
Small white chick: It is a penis-boat, after all.
Large black gay friend: We're soooo horny… It's kinda gross.

–23rd St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Penisboat

I Got Your Wednesday One-Liner– Swingin'

Skinny obnoxious blonde: Sheryl had a shirt that said "I love Wayne's dick." And I was like "Sheryl, why are you wearing that to the outback?"

–AMC Movie Theater

Girl to guy: Epic fail, you have a non-working dick.

–2nd Ave & 9th St

Guy on cell: Hello, this is sweet dick. Can I speak to tight pussy?

–West Village

Man to another: So last night, I was playing with my dick, and…

–Times Square

Overheard by: Dusty F.

Man on cell: He don't answer to "Leon" no more. He is now "Dick Dastardly."

–Union Square

Overheard by: Muttley