Archive for the ‘Penis’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Worry That Trucker Hats May Be Out

Hipster girl: I hate it when obviously uncool people wear flannel.

–E Train

Overheard by: dru

Hipster girl: Shark Week is a week? It lasted like a month last year.

–N 6th St, Williamsburg

Frumpy hipster: No! Hipsters melt in the rain!

–McCarren Park Pool, Greenpoint

Hipster on cell: No, I've never heard of a nocturnal squirrel… Do you even… Wait, are you trying to tell me you're gay?! No? Well, this is awkward…

–Central Park

Hipster guy to another: Have you ever played with yourself under a blacklight? There's like all kinds of shit on your dick!

–Union Hall

Overheard by: Cass

Frumpy mom, holding up item for hipster tween daughter: Catherine, is this ironic?

–Beacon's Closet, Williamsburg

Wednesday One-Liner Is Murder

Black man: I can never watch you eat sausage again. It was the most awkwardly erotic thing I've ever seen. It was the perfect combination of food and female.

–Pratt Coffee Shop, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Maryrose

Boy to friend: And then the teacher said: "and that's the history of ham"!

–Queens

Overheard by: alex

Young woman on cell: Well, I would go to Gray's for hot dogs with you, but I can't. I gave up tubed meat for lent.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Caroline

Cute teen girl: It'd be like a floppy bag of meat… (pause) I'm not talking about dick!

–Starbucks

Woman placing drive-thru order: And two junior bacon cheeseburgers. Actually, I don't want the bacon. I don't want to get the swine flu.

–Wendy's Drivethru, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Oh the Pig-manity!

Upset Orthodox Jew mother to baby in stroller: Bacon!? Who told you about bacon!?

–West End & West 100th St

Sodom and Wednesday One-liners

Chick: I should start going to gay bars. I’m tired of going to all these straight bars where guys feel free to rub their penis all over your ass. –Zabar’s, Broadway & 80th St. Overheard by: Basil Woman: Honestly, I wonder what she ended up doing with a 3 foot, papier-mache penis. –Broadway/Lafayette station Overheard by: Jaya Guy: I don’t want to live in a building that undulates! –Astor Place Overheard by: Derek

Wednesday One-Liners Want Angelina Jolie to Adopt Them

Large black woman to another: So I said to him, "Muthafucka, don't you know a baby comes out of that shit? Ain't nothing you got down there gonna hurt me!"

–Fulton St

Old man with thick Russian accent: It is fresher than a baby's bottom!

–Ave M & E 16th, Brooklyn

Ghetto black guy on phone: Nah, I was locked up, but I'm out now, and she's tryin' to say it's my baby, but that shit ain't mine.

–Downtown 2 Train

Man on cell, passing adorable child playing with dog: I love fucking babies!

–10th & 53rd

Puerto Rican girl to pregnant friend: You feel like you have to poop, but that's just the baby.

–36th St & 34th Ave, Astoria

Overheard by: Bryan Bruner

Conductor: Ma'am, please step off the ramp platform and wait until it is safe. (pause) Miss, you're having a frickin' baby, get off the ramp! (she does) Thank you.

–Metro-North Rail Tracks

Overheard by: Theonlyonewhoseemedtonotice

Teenage mother to friends, running to catch subway: Last one gets the baby!

–Broadway

Overheard by: Francisco S. Ramírez

Look, Forget I Brought It Up

Male law student: You know who I feel sorry for?
Female law student: Who?
Male law student: A black guy with a small dick.
Female law student: Why?
Male law student: Because the expectations are so much higher.
Female law student: You mean, like, with you it’s just expected, right?
Male law student: Not me. I’m hung like… like a black guy.
Female law student: You mean like the black guy who isn’t well-hung?

–Brooklyn Law School library

Overheard by: Big Larry

And, While He's Fucking Me, Scream Out, “I'm Straaaiiiight!”

Obviously gay guy: But I'm not gay.
Slightly less gay friend: Yes you are.
Obviously gay guy: No, it's not about the male genitalia. It's about finding someone who fits me like a puzzle piece.
Slightly less gay friend: Who just happens to have a penis.
Obviously gay guy: Yeah.
Slightly less gay friend: Mmm-hmm.

–Roxy, Times Square

Overheard by: Token