Archive for the ‘Penis’ Category

Wednesday One-Megapixeliners

Pushy black woman to employee standing next to portrait studio samples: The next time I come in here, I want to see my daughter's picture up here, because she is beautiful.

–K-Mart, 34th St

Overheard by: EthanK

Guy: There were some pictures taken, involving, like, my penis and Caleb's penis and five other guys.

–4th St & 2nd Ave

Girl: Food is overrated, let's just take a picture and leave.

–100th St & Broadway

Hipster punk girl on phone: Hello? (pause) No, but I know a girl if you're looking. She also puts jelly on her toes. (pause) Who? I once sold a semi-nude photo of myself at an art show once. I think Brendan has a copy of it… no one would ever pay to see my feet. But again, I ask, who were you talking to? (pause) Dave was under the impression that I sold pictures of my extremities for money? That's awesome! I'm going to send him a picture of my elbow!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Ayenbird

Guy: The more bodies, the more pictures. That's what I always say.

–14th St & 7th Ave

Wednesday One-Liners Get Schooled

Guy leaving registration line: Yo,son, I'm a fucking college student!

–Borough of Manhattan Community College

Girl to friend: If I blow off the first day of class to go to Nobu, am I really meant to be an MD?

–Nobu Restaurant, Tribeca

Crazy guy: School is good! School is very good! You can speak Chinese! You can speak Japanese! (counts to ten in Spanish.) School is good! School is very good!

–C Train

Overheard by: Emily B.

Hipster art student: He keeps giving us too many penis assignments. I don't wanna do another penis assignment.

–Pratt Institute

Blonde: My mom wants me to look at graduation dresses…yeah, let's see if I get there first.

–Austin St, Forest Hills

And That’s How I Got into Yale

Guy, excitedly: … And so he says to me, ‘Hey, nice cock.’
Friend: Dude! No way! So, what did you say then?!
Guy: What else could I say? I said, ‘Hey… Thanks.’

–5th & 2nd

Overheard by: Matty K

We Blame the Non-Honors Chemistry

Conductor: Stand clear of the closing doors. Do not hold the doors.
Crackhead holding doors: Suck my dick. I'm in the mob. I'm mobbed the fuck up.
Conductor: For those who continue to hold the doors, if I see you, police will be called. It's rush hour, people need to get where they're going.
Crackhead holding doors: Shut the fuck up. I went to Cornell, motherfucker. Suck my dick.

–Uptown 2 Train

Overheard by: ED

Do Those One-Liners Go All the Way Up to Your Wednesday?

Lady to another: I'm waxing my crotch whether he likes it or not!

–52nd & Madison

Overheard by: someguyslikethejungle

Preteen: Yo, she bit Mark's crotch!

–66th & Broadway

Overheard by: dan

Girl to another: I don't think he'd like your stiletto heel in his actual crotch. Oh, now your twat is all over the place.

–Olivebridge

Man on cell, noticing, "The Big Penis Book": Hey, I'm at this bookstore and they have this big book of penises… Oh, you have it already? The big book, with the pink cover and crotch on the front? Oh, okay, cool.

–Bookstore, Brookyln

Bimbo: Crotches are always wrong!

–American Apparel Store