Archive for the ‘Penn Station’ Category

Wednesday Will One-Liner Anything That Moves

50-something actress: I'm one of the founding sluts.

–Chelsea Studios

Overheard by: Joshy Sweetpants

Guy on cell: That's what I said: I fucked him, but I'm not attracted to him.

–81st & Columbus

Overheard by: Flooey

Adorable seven-year-old kid on bike: She liked it. Ashley liked it. Ashley's a whore.

–Havemeyer & 2nd, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Nathalie & Noah

Girl on cell: Well, I'm in a different place now. Now I'm a slut.

–W 4th & 6th Ave

Teenage girl on cell, beaming, as if she just had a revelation: Oh, I forgot you're a whore! (yelling triumphantly) You're a whore!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Emilia

Wednesday One-liners Are Pastafarians

Man: …and then she’s gon’ ask me, “How was church?” I’m like, get the fuck outta here. How many times have I asked her to go to Goddamn church with me? Every fuckin’ Sunday, I ask that bitch to go to Goddamn church with me. Never! Not once has she come with me, now she wants to ask me, “How was fuckin’ church?”. –Sephora, 19th & 5th Overheard by: yassira diggs Mormon guy: So last time I was here, I was trying to get to Columbia, and I missed my stop and got off in Harlem. And I looked around and thought, “I can’t believe I’m the only white person here!” And sure enough, I was the only white person there. I mean, I was wearing a tie! –flight into JFK Woman: Oh boy, you are in trouble girl. Jesus says to come over here right now. Jesus says come over here now! –Brooklyn Museum Guy: So I really need your advice. My wife was driving on the LIE, and she had a vision from God telling her to sleep with this other guy, so she did. Well, I finally got her to move back in with me, but now she says I’m full of shit and everything I say is a lie. I really want to work this out with her, you know? –Penn Station God Squad guy: I love all y’all in the name of Jesus, ’cause I got Jesus! I’m blessed, you’re stressed. I’m anointed, you’re disappointed! –4 train Overheard by: saltylips God Squad woman: Here come da Jesus, fire from his mouth! –1st Avenue L station Overheard by: Adam Nathan Girl: Jesus there’s like a restaurant every two feet here. –46th between 8th & 9th Man: …come to think about it, my grandfather was in charge of the marshmallow burning during Joan of Arc’s burning, so I guess it’s in my heritage! –45th between 8th & 9th Overheard by: Alex Venguer

Wednesday One-liners

Girl on cell: I shit you not, it was a small studio apartment converted into a four bedroom on the 6th floor. –47th & 9th Fat suit on cell: How many people play the drums in Poland, really?…What? Wow. Cool. Well, plenty of time to practice I guess. –Penn Station Overheard by: Max T-M MTV chick: When I used to read, I went from the last chapter to the first. –MTV cafeteria Hipster: They’re always on the same train, so the first time you give them money, then remember your face. Every time you get on the train after that, they’ll follow you around. It’s like having your own 6-foot pet! –1 train Overheard by: spike

Scrooge McDuck’s Wednesday One-Liners

Fashionista to another: It didn’t taste that good, but I really needed the money.

–Madison Ave

Overheard by: John Galt Jr.

Fashion student: The thing I can’t stand about fine arts is how obsessed with money it’s become… Yeah, so I’m leaving the program to study advertising.

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Overheard by: nova scotia

Security guard to another: I ain’t here for the money. I’m here for the fuckin’ prestige.

–Westminster Dog Show, Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Amber Star

White chick on cell: Hi, honey! How are you? Are you being tickled by coins? Are you being tickled by coins?!

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: mela

Guy on corner: Can you spare any change or frequent flyer miles?

–14th & 6th

Overheard by: Scientific

Frumpy lady to Joey Ramone lookalike: I’m feeling awfully constipated, baby! Constipated with money is the way I like to be!

–3rd Ave, Bay Ridge

How Much Is That Wednesday One-Liner in the Window?

50-something Long Island woman, showing pictures of her dog while talking non-stop about it: And this is Cici wearing a hat, she usually wears a hat when she goes out. And this is Cici, very drunk…

–LIRR

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Guy on cell walking a tiny poodle: Dude! The dog did it again. (pause) No, I swear, dude. The. Dog. Did. It. Again. (pause) Dude! This dog talks. Talks.

–Broadway & 43rd St, Astoria

(little girl finishes petting a stranger's dog)
Girl's mother
: Now say "thank you" to its human.


–Central Park Lawn

Hyper tween schoolgirl: Hey mom, remember when we brought the dog to the mall and he peed in a coconut?

–La Pallette, 12th St

Guy to friend: I love her more than anything, but something about the way her puppy's paws smell really seal it.

–Rosa's Pizza, Penn Station

Overheard by: Craig

Presenting the New Catchphrases for 2006

Guy #1: Yesterday this girl said she wanted to throw herself in front of the train and I’m like, “This bitch is crazy.”
Guy #2: Really?
Guy #1: I mean, I see that motherfucka coming and that shit ain’t gonna happen, you know?
Guy #2: Maybe she was depressed.
Guy #1: Are you kidding? That shit is pancake style…bitch is crazy. –Penn Station Overheard by: Nander

And Start Smelling Me, So I Don’t Have to Shower Later

Woman: You shouldn’t smell all of those. It’s not nice to the people that will buy them. Besides, you’re not even buying one.
Girl: What makes you think I’m not buying one?
Woman: It’s just not nice for you to smell them, is all I’m saying.
Girl: What, I’m going to use up all the smell? Just stop talking to me.

–Candle section, Kmart, Penn Station

Overheard by: kier

Hella Good Wednesday One-Liners

Twitchy dude to no one in particular: What? You selling something? What you selling? You all are devils! Devil worshipers! Bunch of devil worshipers! Devils, devils, devils! See you in hell! Oh…I won't be there, though.

–C Train

Hipster girl on cell: No, the black marks are from me cheating on you with Satan. (pause) Yeah, now I'm pregnant and he won't marry me.

–23rd & 5th

Overheard by: Louisa

Young guy on cell, about video game: I gave them my soul. I gave them my soul! See, my soul legally belongs to you, so you tricked them. (pause) Give him his soul! Give him his soul! What? What? Too late!

–93rd St, Bay Ridge

Screaming man with ashes on forehead to man walking past on Ash Wednesday: You're going to hell you motherfucker!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: BK

Woman on cell: Satan don't wear no panties, negro. That shit flies free.

–Astoria, Queens

Overheard by: Celia

Are You a Boy, a Girl, or a Wednesday One-Liner?

Guy to three cute girls: You’re the best looking gay guys I’ve seen all day!

–Christopher & Bedford

Chick to dude: You could wear a dress if you wanted to.

–Broadway

Abercrombie tot: Wait, you can’t carry a boy dog in a purse. That’s unnatural!

–Penn Station

Tween girl to friends: No, she’s a boy now and she looks gay.

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: R

Cute brunette: Who am I, forcing your lovers into a male-female dichotomy? I am terrible!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy