Seven-year old boy to bookseller: Do you have any books on crop circles in this library?
–Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: Amused bookseller a few feet away
Man to another: Don't you know? All those tunnels in Afghanistan run into the pyramids in Gaza! If I was President there would be one less pyramid.
–Soup Kitchen, Midtown
Overheard by: John Gordon
Gentleman on train: You know why they invented daylight savings, don't you? It's because of Halloween, a lot of congressmen wanted kids to have an extra hour to go trick or treating. That's why we have daylight savings.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Annie
Elderly professor: Fewer chairs, less chalk every week. It's a conspiracy!
–Pratt Institute
Overheard by: Denali
Archive for the ‘Penn Station’ Category
They Really Need to Do a Survivor: New York City
Announcer: Attention all passengers! The a train will be running on the local platform. It will not be running on the express platform. If you are on the middle platform, you are on the wrong platform. Excuse me, if you are wearing a checkered dress, you are on the wrong platform. If you are wearing a checkered dress and pushing a baby carriage, you are on the wrong platform. Hello! I'm talking to you! The a train will be running on the local platform!
Random guy: Yo, this bitch is dumb! Get off the platform, dumb bitch!
(checkered dress lady continues to stare down tunnel)
–A Train, Penn Station
Overheard by: Kosi
Wednesday One-Liners? Please Hold.
Guy on cell: I'm gonna come over and give you a big hug before doomsday.
–Outside NYU Dorm
Guy holding up drunk friend: I have to hug the fat kid?! Why don't you try hugging a fat kid?
–LIRR, Penn Station
Overheard by: Laura
Hobo to startled girl: If you give me a dollar I won't hug you.
–7 Train
Small boy, loudly, after some take-off turbulence: The plane is going down… Everybody hug!
–Runway Strip, JFK
Overheard by: PSUny
Wednesday Tiny-One-Liners
Girl to boyfriend: Two years ago I saw your penis under a bright blue light. And it was small.
–Penn Station
Black guy to black friend: Her father does not want his daughter marrying someone from another race. What, is he scared that the kid will come out black and have a big nose? I'll tell you one thing–he'll have a big dick.
–Bowery & 1st St
Overheard by: Zach B
Man to girl beside him: Mine isn't that big. But it's big enough for what I need it for.
–6th Ave & 9th St
Girl to friend: He had a big penis. It scared me.
–Hunter College
Overheard by: s0uthard
Young teenage boy to another: You're telling me you have an 8.5 inch dick and you don't touch it?
–M21 Bus
Overheard by: zaarah
Sheesh, That's Cold.
Trust fund teen girl in Uggs: It's really weird, but I have no desire to go to Antarctica.
Trust fund friend, also in Uggs: That's not so weird. Everyone I know who went was so over it fast.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: KP Whitey
When Rabbits Threaten Blackmail.
Girl #1: I will kill all of your firstborns!
Girl #2: All of them?
–Megabus, Penn Station
Overheard by: Lisa
…You Cum-guzzling Gutter Wench.
Young girl to friend, after cutting in front of her: Ladies first!
Friend: You ain't no lady, you stupid fucking bitch!
Young girl: See, point proven!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: rick
Wednesday One-Liners Are a Social Construct
Angry construction worker to befuddled construction worker: Don't look at me like that! Don't say that to me! Go home and fuck my wife, asshole!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Jumana
Construction working to another: Man, I need to get me a bi girlfriend. She'd be lovin' me, and I'd be lovin' her friends.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Rich R.
Construction worker, singing: If there's a skeeter on your Peter/whack it off! (claps twice)
–Waverly Place & 5th Ave
Overheard by: steph
Tough construction worker, unloading van: Yo, I was up til like 2 am watchin' Scooby Doo Where Are You!
–Humboldt & Withers
Overheard by: francesca
Construction worker, staring up at construction skyscraper: It's all twisted. It's going to come down.
–Williams St
Overheard by: Sonya
Wednesday One-Liners Should Have Hired a Sherpa
Frantic woman: Excuse me, is this the train to Manhattan?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: oliver
Tourist to companion: We've left the village now, but I don't think this is Soho.
–Stanton & Orchard
Middle-aged woman in sharp looking suit: I thought Croatia was an Asian country in Europe.
–4 Train
Woman to friends: I had four kids today label New York in the middle of the Atlantic ocean. I am such a great teacher.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Mickey and Gabe
Wednesday One-Liners Love the Rear Naked Choke
Girl to another: And she went to get into her car. I was like "you'd better get out of here or I'm gonna fuck you up." And she was all slamming the door and stopping over to me. And I was all in her face and bitch-slapped her. Well, that last part might have been a dream. But then she got into her car and left.
–NY Central Library
Overheard by: amused
Woman on cell: Hi, Annie! How are you? (pause) I'm going to get my ass kicked by a very big black man.
–Park Slope
Suit on cell: If you don't stop hanging up on me, I will kick you in the throat.
–Times Square
Guy on cell, very loudly: Yeah, but, so nobody knows about it except me and the other guys in the fight club.
–21st St & Broadway
Overheard by: Alex
20-something girl: And then she chloroformed me. (pause) I said that too loud.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Russ