Archive for the ‘Penn Station’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Prefer Subway Sandwiches

Lost-looking chick on cell: Why do they always fuck with the trains on weekends? Don't they know there are stoned people trying to get home? –Subway Platform, Grand Central Overheard by: Poogtastic Loudspeaker dispatcher lady: Hey you! Uptown number 5! You better stop sticking your head out the window and answer me on the radio! –Uptown 4,5,6 Train, Union Square Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja. Elegant gentleman, as train starts to depart station: Oh, I didn't realize the train was going to move. –Crowded Uptown 1 Train MTA announcement: The uptown 1 train is running. –Penn Station Overheard by: Krisztina Dispatcher: The arriving train will be the next train. The arriving train will be the next train. –G Train, Court Square Overheard by: Katrink Old man: I'm coming, train. I'm coming. I'm coming, train, you son of a bitch bastard! –6 Train

Wednesdays Pad Their One-Liners

Football player on razor scooter, chasing shirtless theater major: I'll get you my pretty… And your little dick too! –Wagner College Girl, looking at long ladies bathroom queue: At times like these, I wish women had dicks. –Winter Garden Theatre Slightly drunk man: I feel like someone just shut a door on my dick. –Park Slope Overheard by: Sunny Hooker to pimp: I had to suck his dick in front of everyone! –Outside Penn Station Overheard by: David

Wednesday Onesie Liners

Woman on cell, loudly: No, no, my baby's getting fixed that day! –5th Ave Yuppie thug in three-piece suit, loudly on cell while riding escalator: So you sayin' it's mines? How you know it's mines? Naw naw, how you know? Bitch, kiss my ass! If they ain't been no muh-fuckin DNA test, then they ain't been no baby sprung up outta my dick! I ain't no adoption agency! –Borders, Penn Station Overheard by: IJustWanttoBrowseMadonna'sBrother'sTell-AllinPeace 20-something male on cell: What did I tell you about having sex with people who have babymama problems? That's why I gave up my crush on Bristol Palin. –110th & Broadway Overheard by: Topical Black lady with stroller: Ohhh, no. All y'all are not fitting into this car. Stop pushin' up on my baby. Y'all need to back that shit up now. (baby starts crying) What do you want? What do you want? Are you having hot flashes? Cause I know I am. Jesus! –Downtown 6 Train Overheard by: Alie Black woman: Of all his babymamas, why he alway bothering her? He has all these babymamas and he's always bugging her. She must still be puttin' out. –34th & Broadway Very young pregnant woman purchasing cigarettes on: What the hell kind of difference does what you eat have on what kind of baby you have? –Nostrand & Dean, Crown Heights Overheard by: Siobhan

Wednesdays Brush After Every One-Liner

Big, Italian guy on cell: Braces? (pause) Why do you want braces? (pause) You don't just get them 'cause you want them! –Penn Station Overheard by: I hated braces 30-something woman to friend: I started getting cavities after I started making out with boys. –Queens Overheard by: Angela Drunk guy: I wasn't having a heart attack, I was at the dentist! –M60 Bus Happy tall man on cell: Alright, nigga, brush your teef and all that, I wanna get high! –111th & Lenox Ave

Wednesday One-Liners Happen

Dude on cell: If he wrote a fucking haiku I would shit myself! –50th b/w 8th & 9th Hip dude: I was like: "Your voice is drowning me in a wave of bullshit." –W 4th Customer to associate: Where can I pay for this shit? –Apple Store, 5th Ave Suit on cell: No, I have IBS. IBS! Ya know, Irritable Bowel Syndrome. I’ll shit when I gotta shit, and that’s the way this is gonna go! –Penn Station Overheard by: Quippy Pasqual am New York paper guy: Get your free am New York! They’re free because their employees get paid shit! –53rd & 7th Ave

A Sorry Sack Of Wednesday One-Liners

Guy to friend: I'm sorry. When I see tight shorts I don't think 80s hair metal. –23rd St Conductor: This station is Murray Hill. If you look outside your window and don't see a platform, then you can't get off. Sorry. Please walk towards the front of the train. –LIRR Overheard by: PW rider NJ transit conductor: Folks, this is the 5:50 Midtown direct. We are leaving two minutes late because some of your fellow commuters would not board the train. Some people don't understand you can walk on the train. Sorry for that. –NJ Transit, Penn Station Overheard by: Katherine Extremely Brooklynese conductor: Okay, we're being held up by another f and…uh…another d. Oh, jeez! Sorry, people, it's not my fault, blame the fuckin' dispatcher! (to person in the conducting booth) What? –F Train Overheard by: Jasper johnson Conductor on loudspeaker: Now arriving at Penn Station. Please exit the train promptly. And to those sitting in the first two cars, sorry about the lack of lights and air conditioner. (loudspeaker turns off, after a pause back on). Actually, we're sorry about everything. –NJ Transit, Penn Station Overheard by: brutal commuter

You Just Need Some Deep Wednesday One-Linerin'

Blonde girl: I can't believe he pulled his dick out. Except not really. Except kind of. Except I kind of had to put it back in. –W 34th & 8th Ave Overheard by: innocent bystander Crazy hobo, to himself: Geritol. Yup, that's what she needs. That woman just likes some dick. And there ain't nothin wrong with that. Nothin wrong with a woman likin a long hard dick. Women like dick. Ain't nothing wrong with that. She's gonna get some Geritol all right. Cause see, you got to get it up in the crevices. Work it in with a little Bengay. –Men's Bathroom, Penn Station Overheard by: Phil Salvadoran guy, discussing use of the word "faggot": They can take a dick up their ass, they can take a fucking joke. –Lawton St, Brooklyn Overheard by: Eric Frazier Black guy: Man, I can't wear tight pants because I have a big dick! My dick needs to breathe! (holds himself) –Penn Station Female Central Park crossing guard: Das cuz da dick was great! –Columbus Circle Overheard by: Robert H

Wednesday One-Liners (Sing Along If You Know the Words)

Crazy hobo (to the tune of Elvis’ Hound dog): Ain’t nothing but a hound dog! (mutters next two lines) And you never fuck a rabbit in the ass, cause that’s just a waste of time! –E 4th St & 2nd Ave Man, to the tune of Hit Me Baby One More Time: I need to pee out of my urethra. –Penn Station Overheard by: Noelle Guy in back of the bus wearing headphones and singing: (almost inaudible) I wanna die…I just wanna die.
(everyone stares at him)
Guy: (almost inaudible) I wanna die… I wanna dieeeeeeee. –Bx 9 Bus, Fordham Plaza Overheard by: Krisztina, sitting right in front of him Homeless guy singing while shaking paper cup full of change: Oh me, oh my… There goes perfection. Oh me, oh my… Here comes an erection. –13th St & 6th Ave Overheard by: rolf Young Hispanic man singing to Led Zeppelin’s Stairway to Heaven: And there’s a wino down the road! –E train Overheard by: In_the_Shadows Crazy hobo signing to two passing women: Vaaaggiiinnnaaa… Vaaagggiiiinnaaaa. (stretches out his neck towards them and emphasizes) Vaaaaggggiiiiinnnaaaaaa! –Near NYU Overheard by: Joe

Wednesday One-Liners?

Woman, picking up rubber ball, to employee: Oh, what can you do with this? –Scholastic Store, Soho Freshman girl: What do we, like, throw in the recycling bin? –Leon M. Goldstein High School Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman Woman, descending stairs onto train platform: Oh my god! Is that a train? –Penn Station Overheard by: curious to know what else she was expecting to see at a train station… Random tourist to young Asian kid: Do you sell fake bags? –Canal Street Station Astute shopper: Do you take Duane Reade cards here? –Duane Reade Overheard by: fellow customer Guy on cell: Bagels with butter? Where am I gonna get that? –Upper East Side Overheard by: sarahjane