Archive for the ‘Penn Station’ Category

Wednesday Wears the One-Liners in This Family

Southern tourist in pink pants: I don’t see anybody else wearing pink pants around here! –73rd & Broadway Overheard by: Harriet Vane Girl on cell, wearing leggings and a t-shirt: Oh, shit, I forgot to put on pants again. –Columbia University Lady in corner stall: Damn, I done sweated through my pants! –Restroom, 1 Liberty Plaza Smug girl to gaggle: No, these are my period pants. My mom washed them for me! –Columbia University Overheard by: bih. Thug: I’m the only playa in the hood with his pants on his waist! –10th & Ave B Overheard by: Kayla K Conductor over intercom: Attention, all crew members! Be sure you have your pants! Hey, Larry, you got yo’ pants? –Penn Station Overheard by: Geologist

Who Wednesday One-Linered Mr. Burns?

Black 30-something man: And she said, "Nigga, you wanna fuck mah titties wit a gun?" –Penn Station Overheard by: Amanda R. 10-year-old boy, very loudly, to 10-year-old girl: Oh, yeah, well…how many guns have you ever held? –5 Train Middle aged white man in shorts: Anyone awake at 2 am should be shot! –LIRR Overheard by: L.C. Street performer, trying to move crowd: Okay, let's try this! White people, we are not dangerous! (lifts shirt, pats down sides) We are unarmed! Step closer! –W 45th & 5th Man on phone: Right. Right. Wait, what? (in shock) He don't got a gun? Well, he has to have a gun! What kinda game do you think this is? –J Train Army dude to friends: People shoot at me every once in awhile. Do I get tipped? No, fuck tips! –Havanna's Bar

Bootylicious Wednesday One-Liners

Gay guy on cell: And they had the guy with the biggest butt stand next to the guy with the second-biggest butt! Seriously, what is wrong with them? –6th Ave & 12th Woman getting on a crowded train, looking for a seat: See, I told you there would be a lot of behinds on this train! –N Train Overheard by: Some behind lucky enough to find a seat. Thug to another: After I wipe his ass, I'm gonna beat his ass! –86th & Park Ave Woman on cell: So, what are you going to tell him? "Sorry, I can't marry you–your ass is broken"? –1st & 23 Teen to friend: Why didn't he use a tennis racket? It would have left that waffle fry look on your ass. –Bus to Penn Station Skipping tween girl to metrosexual father: I've seen your butt, you know! –72nd & Lexington Ave Overheard by: Shannon

Especially One Who Owns Penn Station

Old Chinese lady: No luggage allowed. Leave it outside. This is my building! I own it!
(College kid, obviously from out of town, leaves in fear)
Old Chinese lady: Puta!
(college kid scurries away)
College kid on cell: Yeah, I did what they say on Law & Order. Never make eye contact with a New Yorker. –Penn Station Entrance Overheard by: kash

It’s Even Funnier If You Know What They’re Talking About

Girl #1: You’re a geek, too. You took your Lord of the Rings action figures to the opening night of Return of the King, and you made them sit on your lap and watch the movie.
Girl #2: That wasn’t me.
Girl #1: Oh yeah. That was me. But you like Dune.
Girl #2: Don’t you have a crush on Muad’Dib?
Girl #1: Oh yeah. –Penn Station

Wednesday One-Liners Don't Know How to Quit You

Young queer on cell, laughing: I mean, what is he going to blackmail me with? –9th & 47th Overheard by: wondering Older queer to boyfriend: There's nothing like listening to Bach after having sex! –W 72nd St, Record Store Overheard by: I'll have to try that sometime… (40-something gay guy is looking through a clearance rack of mismatched outerwear under sign that reads "Big and tall active bottoms")
60-something gay guy, yelling: Good luck, dahling, you're in the wrong section. Find where the big desperate bottoms are and try that! –KMart, Penn Station Overheard by: RoverUSA Gay black man to whimpering toddler held by mother: Don't even start with me… Thank the Lord you ain't my kid. –M15 Bus Young, good looking gay guy to much older ugly boyfriend: My ex-boyfriend always bought me presents… –86th St & Lexington

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Social Construct

Angry construction worker to befuddled construction worker: Don't look at me like that! Don't say that to me! Go home and fuck my wife, asshole! –Penn Station Overheard by: Jumana Construction working to another: Man, I need to get me a bi girlfriend. She'd be lovin' me, and I'd be lovin' her friends. –Columbus Circle Overheard by: Rich R. Construction worker, singing: If there's a skeeter on your Peter/whack it off! (claps twice) –Waverly Place & 5th Ave Overheard by: steph Tough construction worker, unloading van: Yo, I was up til like 2 am watchin' Scooby Doo Where Are You! –Humboldt & Withers Overheard by: francesca Construction worker, staring up at construction skyscraper: It's all twisted. It's going to come down. –Williams St Overheard by: Sonya