Archive for the ‘People’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Are What They Are By Virtue of Their Relationships

Girl: …because I feel like we’re going out. It’s just that he won’t call me. –Dunkin’ Donuts, E 14th St Overheard by: MK Homegirl to boyfriend: No, no, that’s not what I said, that’s what you heard.

–1st & Ave B

Overheard by: Mollena Girl: In the last few years, every time I go away to Paris with someone, I end up breaking up with them.

–San Loco, 7th St & 2nd Ave B&T girl #1 to B&T girl #2: If you lived in NYC, you’d totally find a boyfriend. You totally, totally would.

–LIRR to Penn Station

Overheard by: Pia Peanutbuttas Sassy chick: I was having a glass of wine with him, and he didn’t have anything to say to me. So I licked his ear. –Harlem Overheard by: McN Shrewd observer: That’s not dating. It’s called being on parole. –West Building, Hunter College Woman on cell: Well, I happen to like our Goddamn relationship, thank you very much! –Central Park Overheard by: Mike

The Oldest Wednesday One-liners Profession

Crazy guy: Do you see what I put up with? That’s it, it’s over. We have not had sex in ten years. She says she don’t need it…Then I have to sleep with nigger whores. That’s right, Joan, I said it. I sleep with nigger whores, even some white whores. That’s the only way I can get off now. –Da Andrea, Hudson Street

Many of Us Are Even at Jim’s Level

Yuppie mom #1: Can you believe that there are people living in this city who make under two hundred thousand dollars?
Yuppie mom #2: Really?
Yuppie mom #1: Yes, I’d never do that. I wouldn’t want to live like a Huckleberry Finn. The conversation then got too low for me to hear after they saw I was eavesdropping and giving them the evil eye. –Riverside Park

Just Rub the Big Toe

Girl #1: Your room always smells so good, like coconuts and coffee. It reminds me of the Caribbean. What kind of candles do you have?
Girl #2: That’s not from a candle. The coconut is from the foot cream I use so my feet don’t stink and the coffee smell is there because I spilled some on my carpet and never cleaned it up.
Girl #1: Oh…where can I get the foot cream, then? –Starbucks, 17th & Broadway

Wednesday One-Liners: Cha-ching!

Guy on cell: Don’t play games with me or I’ll break your fuckin’ nose. Have you got the money? Where’s the fuckin’ money? –47th & 5th Overheard by: Adam Bertocci Ghetto kid on cell: Yo, yo, you don’t want to play football? …Right, right, so just when you tackle them, put your hand in their pockets and take their money! –M14 bus Hobo: God, lady, I’m not asking for a million dollars; I’m just asking for some change! –14th between 5th & University Overheard by: theNJl Biker dude: She’s a shrink and a psychiatrist, so you know she’s rollin’ in money. –Starbucks, 27th & Park Overheard by: Brawny McBrawnerson

Hey, Kiss My Wednesday One-Liners

Drunk guy: Excuse me, Miss, I’m askin’… I want to kiss your ass! Just the left cheek!

–8th Ave & W 55th St

Overheard by: Fred Daubert

Canadian guy: The first kiss’ll be at the altar.

–Uptown 6 train

Loudmouth on cell: Yeah man, and then, like, I was kissing her, and then I like, just started dancing with her. We were dancing, man. And then I picked her up, and she beat the crap out of me, and I had to put her down. Yeah, man. But she was a fuckin’ awesome kisser.

–NYU

Overheard by: lucy in the sky with diamonds

Girl on cell: I can’t remember the last time we kissed on the mouth, can you?

–43rd & Lex

Ghetto chick leaving after fight with boyfriend: Kiss my ass. No, kiss my pussy while it’s bleeding, like you used to.

–Washington Heights

Girl on cell: He said he wouldn’t leave until I kissed him… so I kissed him while I was on the toilet!

–115th St & Manhattan Ave

Overheard by: Melissa Berry

Ditto

Guy #1: Okay…Wow…This one time in Madison I was so drunk…I was trying to get this sorority girl to come home with me and she said she would if I got rid of her ex-boyfriend (he was hanging out with us.) That’s all I remember from that night! I woke up the next morning, in bed, soaking wet, with a pulled groin muscle and scrapes all over my knees and elbows!
Guy #2: What the fuck?
Guy #1: Yeah! I had to ask around to find out what happened. Apparently, I sorta, uh, fell in the lake in Madison–I pulled my groin muscle there–then I pulled myself out and crawled home on hands and knees since I couldn’t walk.
Guy #2: What…the fuck…? –B1 bus Overheard by: Justin Fores