Girl in stall: Oh, shit, I dropped my phone in the toilet! The phone rings. Girl in stall: And how the hell am I supposed to answer that now?! –2nd Ave Deli bathroom Overheard by: Rue Silver
Teenage girl: I really admire immigrants…even though most of them are criminals.
Overheard by: intern
Banker guy: I hope you have bail money.
Bouncer guy: Fuck you.
Manager guy: What’s the problem here?
Banker guy: He shoved me.
Manager guy: I don’t know anything about that, but you didn’t bring ID.
Banker guy: I have my Dartmouth ID and my Goldman Sachs ID. –outside Brass Monkey, Little West 12th Street Overheard by: pb dot c
Bodega guy: Hey, weren’t you at the Mets game?
Black guy: I’d rather be at a motherfuckin’ Ku Klux Klan rally. –Bodega, Market & Monroe Overheard by: benjamin lightle
Employee: Ma’am, can I help you?
Woman: I’d like a half dozen of your chocolate chip cookies.
Employee: We only sell them, like, 1, 2, 3…
Woman to friend: Is she serious?
Friend: She’ll take 6.
–Starbucks, Rockefeller Center Concourse
Mom: How much is it?
Chick: A hundred and fifty bucks.
Mom: Let me pay.
Chick: Mom! No! Don’t give me any goddamn money!
Mom: Here, just take it, dammit!
Chick: Fine, but I’m paying for the taxi home.
Mom: I can’t believe Michael puts up with you. You are so divorced in
five years. –The Gap, 18th & 5th
Drunk guy: You’re not the boss of me…Bruce Springsteen is the boss of me.
–The Red Lion, Bleecker Street
Guy: Seriously. Puff’s attorney called me the other day to say Puff wants me to sign a confidentiality agreement. Puff doesn’t want me to disclose that he is the seller. I said to tell Puff that he’s the one who has to sign a confidentiality agreement. If the boys at Goldman find out who I am buying from, my credibility is going to be shot forever.
–Anotheroom, West Broadway
Overheard by: Big Lex
Paralegal lady on phone: And I thought to myself, “She looks so familiar, who is she?” Queen Latifah’s mother!…No, mangos.
–Office, 50th & 6th
Girl: Well, if he’s cranking the bass on a Dixie Chicks song at 2AM on a Monday at a bear bar to sell beer to lesbians he has much bigger problems than he knows.
–The Dugout, Christopher Street
Chick: If we see Robbie Williams tonight, I’m gonna die.
–30th & Park
Hipster guy: Yeah and what’s with Simon Cowell? That guy is like the Grinch Who Stole Everything Else.
–Abbey Bar, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Spyridon Panousopoulos
Guy: You know you have reached the lowest point of all human existence when there’s a telethon featuring only John Denver music.
–2nd between A & B
Overheard by: djlindee
Guy: God, I love going to Galapagos. You always run into all the right people there. You know, all the people that you haven’t seen since that last Yeah Yeah Yeahs show?
Overheard by: Shannon
Woman on cell: Remember that handsome lawyer who took me out to dinner the other night? Yeah, well, he gave me an STD. It reminded me of a song.
–14th & 6th
Professor guy: Billy Joel, wow. He’s got about 10 shows coming up. I bet the stage production budget is through the roof. I’d drive a car onto stage…and smash it into a tree.
–Fordham University, Rose Hill
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Woman: Brian Wilson beat me right the hell up right there; right the hell up!
–43rd between 8th & 9th
Overheard by: Ryan Duncan
Old woman: Oh, is Lil’ Kim in jail?
–7th & Bleecker
Overheard by: Sarah Doogs
Dude: I was listening to a DMX record the other day, and if that
guy’s telling the truth, he’s lived quite a life. –Gee Whiz Restaurant, Greenwich Street Overheard by: Matthew Alhonte Asian guy: The time has come fo’ mad hip-hop. –Go Sushi, St. Marks Place Overheard by: Alyson Leigh Crazy lady: Excuse me…Excuse me…Have you heard of a band called “The Diarrheas”? From Washington, DC! With Hillary and…Chuck! Like from Friday the 13th? Do you think they’ll be successful? –11th between 52nd & 53rd Third floor window guy: Hey fuck you, I don’t need you telling me that you are cooler than me, I saw the Ramones in ’83!…Fuck you, your not cooler than me, I saw Fugazi’s first show, I saw Minor Threat. What is your fucking claim to fame, seeing the White Stripes? –Rivington & Stanton
Girl #1: What’s up?
Girl #2: Still recovering from last night.
Girl #1: It wasn’t that bad.
Girl #2: What? I passed out and woke up naked in the club.
Girl #1: See, I told you.
–Internet cafe, 63rd Drive, Queens
Overheard by: Interested Listener
Guy #1: You do such dumb shit.
Guy #2: I do not.
Guy #1: Well, what about that E-trades tattoo on your leg?
Guy #2: I’m hardcore! –1 train Chick: Sell-out by day…
Suit: Shut up, okay? Whatever pays the bills. –CBGBs, The Bowery Overheard by: Sarah Royal Drunk guy on cell: Dude, that’s crap, you gotta live hardcore! –Williamsburg Overheard by: Kate Elizabeth Teen girl: Man this sucks. Where are all the punks? –8th & Broadway Overheard by: Mary Chick: Darryl doesn’t even know what hardcore is, first off. He was all, “What, is that like some kind of porn?”. –2nd & A Overheard by: Kira Punk girl: Fight bureaucracy!
Suit: You’re not the boss of me. –Leonard between Broadway & Church Overheard by: Lakini Malich
A hobo on crutches hobbles towards a chick walking in the opposite direction, and she swerves to avoid him.
Crutchbo: You think you can outsmart me, bitch? Next time I’ll cut you.
Woman: I’m hoping there won’t be a next time. –Port Authority