Archive for the ‘Philosophy’ Category

At Least It’s Not One of Those Bowls with Decorative Balls in It

Guy #1: My relationship isn’t working out.
Guy #2: What’s wrong, dude?
Guy #1: Well, I woke up today and realized there was a vase sitting on the mantle.
Guy #2: What the hell does that have to do with it?
Guy #1: It has no purpose! It just sits there!
Guy #2: Um… I think that’s what vases usually do.
Guy #1: Exactly! That’s why I didn’t have any. They don’t do anything. They’re useless. There’s absolutely no reason to have one, and now all of a sudden, I do. [Desperately] What has happened to me?!

–Downtown bus stop

Wednesday One-Liners Stay One Lesson Ahead

Professor to unresponsive class: So, how do you know when a scene is over? Yeah, you just know, like porn.

–Sarah Lawrence College

Professor: Don’t mess with Socratic ninjas.

–NYU Law

Professor to silent class: Come on, what do you think? Someone say something. It’s kind of like sex. Sometimes you don’t want to do it, but you have to do what you have to do.

–Columbia University

Professor: I was whipped by a crazed dwarf in a cave for a month! Then I married him!

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Ali

Professor turning off powerpoint: And now we kick it old school.

–NYU Cantor

Overheard by: Jesse

SVA professor: Woo, I’m so jazzed today — it’s like I’m on crystal meth! [Students laugh.] No, seriously, I never did crystal meth! Speed, sure. Quaaludes, of course, but not crystal meth. Never. Nope. Oxycodone, maybe.

–SVA building

Overheard by: SUSAN

Professor: The Native Americans even have biological differences… except for the Native Americans of Australia.

–History class, Hunter College

Overheard by: tanechka

Wednesday One-Liners Click “It’s Complicated”

Chick: It’s about your cyber personality, and if your cyber personality doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me on Facebook, that’s okay!

–NYU Hayden Staircase

Coed: I don’t know… if Sheryl* with the two kids by the two different baby-daddies can have a good MySpace, I think pretty much anyone should be able to do it.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: ImmaculatePizza

Hipster girl: It looks like MySpace exploded in there!

–The Knitting Factory, 74 Leonard St

Overheard by: Cassie

20-something girl: So, the quadriplegic I hooked up with added me as a friend on Facebook last night.

–Chipotle, 51st & 8th

Geek prophet: No one is ever away from Google, really.

–Near Holland Tunnel

Overheard by: Claire H.

Angry chick, to boyfriend: Look, I’m not changing my Facebook status!

–6th & Ave A

Overheard by: Kremilyse

30-ish woman: I said I wouldn’t date him ’til he gets rid of the typos on his MySpace profile… Am I a snob?

–Tom’s Diner, Morningside Heights

Overheard by: ball-and-veining tool