Old Southern Man: …so I said, if yer stoopid, you shouldn’t try and show it; you should try and hide it. –Soho NYU Guy: I didn’t wear my moccasins today, Arthur, and I’m still freezing! –W. 13th St. Overheard by: Dan Winckler
Smoking hobo: Hey man, can I get a cigarette?
Smoking man: You're already smoking one.
Smoking hobo: Gotta plan for the future!
Smoking man: Now you wanna plan?
–12th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Jay
Vapid girl: It's like how some people go on long runs to train for marathons. I eat cheese to condition my stomach for when I don't eat vegan.
Neighboring diner to girlfriend: The world will a much better place once we start eating people like her.
–Atlas Cafe, 2nd Ave
Teenage girl: You know you're from New York when you've never been to the Empire State Building.
Mother, after pause: Oh, yeah…
Overheard by: Lindsey
Teenage Asian guy #1: I'm Chinese, I'm allowed to be obnoxious.
Teenage Asian guy #2: Dude, you're American. That's why you're obnoxious.
Overheard by: Hillary
Dorky bookstore guy: Teaching is like the biggest safety net of all.
Cute dorkette: You're my safety net!
Dorky bookstore guy, seeing her: Aw, you're my safety net.
–The Strand, Broadway & 12th St
Overheard by: Ian
Female student on cell: We don't know anything until we know something.
Balding middle aged man guiding middle aged woman down stairs: Step, step, step, step. Flat, flat, flat, flat. Step…
Yoga instructor to skinny college girl: Turn your head to the left. Turn your head to the left. The left. The left. The left. Your other left. I know you go to Columbia.
–Bikram Yoga, Harlem
Overcaffinated Columbia freshman girl to another: What do you mean your sociology textbook ate King Lear?
–Carman Hall, Columbia University
Overheard by: that would make it difficult to finish either reading
Passenger #1: It's like he's trying to have his cake and eat it too.
Passenger #2: I don't get that. I mean, if I bought the cake, why wouldn't I eat it?
Passenger #1: That's not the point, if you eat the cake it's not there anymore. Get it?
Passenger #2: Then why did I buy the cake in the first place?
(15 minutes later)
Passenger #2: But what about the cake?
Passenger #1: So did you watch The Hills last night?
–Downtown A Train
Overheard by: Dr.C
Subway philosopher: What's that?
Asian girl with Nintendo: A game.
Subway philosopher: A game? Ha! You want to hear the biggest game of all? Marriage. You heard of Grand Theft Auto? Grand Theft Marriage–you get a car and a house.
–Uptown F Train
Overheard by: Isabella
Youngish man: What does it all mean?
Female friend: What? Life?
Youngish man: Yeah.
Female friend: Poorly maintained leather for the most part.
–11th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Sukhdev