Archive for the ‘Physical appearance’ Category

Boys Don't Wednesday One-Liner

Mom to small children: Well, we all have parts. And these parts talk to our bodies and tell us we are a boy or a girl. And sometimes these parts get confused. –Washington Square East 20-something girl to male friend: You're a dirty girl! You're a dirty girl! You're a dirty girl! –N Train Overheard by: TR Mother to gender-transitioning son, questioning plans for surgery: Are you a boy trapped in a girl's body? I'm getting a face lift, and it's because I'm a young person trapped in an old person's body. –39th & 9th Man in yellow and green track suit and aviator sunglasses: Nah, I can't go. That's when I'm having my breast reduction. –Columbus Circle Overheard by: Ems Teenage boy: I don't wanna be on that block, son! I know too many trannies on that block! –Bedford & Grove Overheard by: How many is too many? Guy on cell, leaving message: Hello, Dave. This is your mother. –Tisch School of the Arts Overheard by: Bruce Lee Teen boy: Fear me, I have vaginitis! –Staten Island Ferry Overheard by: Jingles

When Cow Tipping Goes Bad

Younger guy: She was a bit fatter than I expected.
Older guy: Well, you still did the deed though?
Younger guy: Yes, of course I did. I had the beer goggles on to protect me but it was hard to keep the cattle prod charged.
Older guy: Well, it’s not the pussy’s fault. –42nd & Avenue of the Americas Headline by: chubba Runners-Up:
· “Also, Her Tail Kept Getting in the Way” – sam
· “I Learned a Lot That Summer on the Ranch…” – Mark
· “If Only I Had My +5 Armor with +2 Strength.” – Bevan
· “It’s the Whale Attached to It” – Bizzznatch
· “They Always Blame the Cat, Never the Dog…” – Steve Gotz
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Ew, Who Wednesday One-Linered?

Elderly janitor, watching pierced teenagers get in line: I'm gonna fart on one of these people. –Broadway & Houston Angry man on cell: They think they're so perfect, but I bet they piss and burp and fart like the rest of us. –80th St & 34th Ave Hobo: Can you spare some change? I need to buy some new underwear, I farted and shat in these. –83rd St & Broadway Overheard by: new girl in town Tiny brunette: Have you ever had to pee so bad, and suddenly you fart and then you don't have to pee that badly anymore? –7 Train Young woman to friend: Yeah, and then she started fartin' a bunch. But she was farting out of her pussy. And Ashley got pissed, cause then, she started makin' a beat out of it. –125th St & Lexington Overheard by: Stephen

Wednesday One-Liners Get a Hoboner

Hobo: I am homeless and ashy. Can anyone spare some lotion? I want to go from ashy to classy. –A Train Overheard by: SBroto Hobo: If looks could kill I'd be dead. Kind words don't hurt nobody. I give sandwiches. –Shuttle to Grand Central Overheard by: alan b hutscar Panhandler, holding top hat overflowing with bills: And take your newspapers and personal belongings with you, I got company comin' over tonight! –4 Train Overheard by: Anthony LoDuca Hobo: You think anyone ever went to Harvard and forgot about it? –Central Park Hobo, near no tripping hazards or holes: Watch your step! Don't fall! Look where you're going! Don't fall down! –4th & Broadway Singing hobo: I'm gonna be on Broadway! You're all invited! I don't care what you look like. Even you! (points to random man) –1 Train

At Least Wednesday One-Liners Can Cook

Drunk college girl: I don’t mean to have sex with ugly guys but more often than not… –Columbia University Overheard by: Lo Thuggish dude on cell: … You want to look in the mirror and be like ewww, while everyone else looks at you and is like, ooh, you know what I’m saying? When I wake up in the morning and I look in the mirror I think to myself shit, I am one ugly motherfucker, how the hell do I get so many bitches? –7 Train Overheard by: Andrea Dumpy man waiting on line: I didn’t know court was a beauty contest for ugly women. –Downtown NYC Courthouse Man fighting with random woman on train: You’re as ugly as the tip of my dick! –4 Train Overheard by: Marlon B Teenage girl to group of friends: Oh! Did I tell you *Jessica had her baby? Yeah, that shit ain’t ugly. –Cobble Hill Loud girl: Omigod I’m soooo pissed! Like, she’s so ugly. Much uglier than me. And you know on Halloween, if I hadn’t been bleeding from my vagina and puking in a bowl he would have hooked up with me instead. –Fordham University Overheard by: I was puking in a bowl when I heard this too