Archive for the ‘Pick-up Lines’ Category

Secrets of Pick-Up Artists

Drunk guy: Lemme get a bacon, egg, and cheese.
Cashier: Sorry, we don’t have bacon.
Drunk guy: Can I have it on a bagel then?
Cashier: That’s not the problem. We don’t have any bacon.
Drunk guy: Can I just have a bacon, egg and cheese?
Cashier: Sir, there is no bacon, ok?
Drunk guy: Can I just have your number then? –Dunkin’ Donuts, 83rd St. Overheard by: Maunica

At the TMI Quarterfinals

Girl #1: Yeah, it sucked. The first time I had sex was in the projects. It was just this random guy and he was like “wanna go to my house?” So I did, and we had sex. But then I didn't know that when you had sex for the first time you bleed a lot, right? So like I was bleeding everywhere. And I didn't notice. And all these random people were like “ew!”. And I was sitting on Brandon's couch, and he was like “what's that?” And I'm like “Uh, your sister's crayon.” So then they were all sitting on it, and fucking around on it…
Girl #2: Ewwwwwww!
Girl #1: Coz she left crayons on the couch. But then the next day his mom came! And like, boys don't get periods.

–104th & West End

Wednesday One-Liners Have the City's Shittiest Job

Comedy club promoter: Comedy club, comedy club. Laugh until you get violent diarrhea!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Patrick

Comedy promoter to girl walking by: Hey, you like comedy? (girl ignores him) Yeah, you the strong, silent type… I like that in a woman.

–48th & Broadway

Overheard by: MsPrint

Comedy show ticket salesman on sidewalk: Comedy show! Free vibrators! New batteries!

–Times Square

Guy promoting comedy club to couple holding hands: Hey, what are you two doing tonight? …besides each other?

–Times Square

Comedy promoter: Want to see a comedy show? We've got free marijuana downstairs.

–W 43rd St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: Daniel

Oh, Did I Say Single? I Meant Breathing

Creepy guy: Hey! Excuse me miss, are you single?
Woman: Umm… why?
Creepy guy: Well, I want to have an interaction with a single woman, but I don't wanna get involved if she has a man in her life.
Woman: Well, in that case, I'm not single.

–Q Train

Headline by: JR

Runners-Up:
· “And I’m Not Really a Woman Either” – NonQ-Train Rider

· “And Then He Resorted to Blasting Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” Everywhere He Went” – patticakes
· “How Accountants Get Married” – Safe
· “It’s Like Prom All Over Again” – lisha
· “Shockingly, This Didn’t End the Conversation” – mac
· “Too Bad, ‘Cause I’m Really an Eccentric Millionaire” – PeterG


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Little Did He Know Her Credit Came With Zero Interest

Hispanic guy, noting hot chick passerby: Hey, baby.
Hot chick: (rolls eyes)
Hispanic guy: (takes off shirt and puts it on the ground for her to walk over)
Hot chick, stopping: I'll give you some credit for that one…but fuck off. (continues walking)

–50th & 9th

Overheard by: passerby

Headline by: ddv

Runners-Up:
· “A Dramatization Of Citibank’s Credit Protocol” – NoCredit

· “But…I Would Have Taken You to 4th Meal!” – Maddy
· “How Many Credits Do I Need to Save Up For a Blowjob?” – mark
· “It Was a Bad Day To Forget That He Was Wearing a Sports Bra” – Nick Pollotta
· “Matthew McConaughey Finally Gets Some Cred….” – RaindanceRichard
· “Next Time He Won’t Give a Shirt” – Sim Etrias
· “Raleigh Gets the Old “Fuck Ye” From Elizabeth Yet Again” – Laureen


Click here to see the new Headline Contest