Archive for the ‘Pick-up Lines’ Category

Why You Should Never End a Date with a Proposition

Ghetto girl #1: He was like, ‘I wanna see yo shirt on my bedroom floor’ and I was like, ‘Is this a proposition?’ and he was like, ‘What proposition?’ and I was like, ‘Where’s my ring?’ and he was like, ‘Yo, bitch, I didn’t steal any ring!’ And then he just left.
Ghetto girl #2: I’m gonna say this cause you’re my friend: You’re soooo ghetto. –Port Authority

Wednesday One-Liners Are Asstastic

Chubby girl on cell: Hello?! I’m getting a tattoo! What I need to know is: right butt cheek or left butt cheek?

–Elevator, Sulzberger Hall, Barnard College

Lady in cubicle on phone about daughter: She went from looking like a boy to J-Lo in three months, so she’s very busy shaking her booty — it’s raw, exposed estrogen.

–Wall Street

Man, to group of other men as thin passerby ignores them: Damn! Don’t she know it’s illegal for a black chick to have no ass?!

–2nd Ave & 3rd St

Overheard by: Ohiowatha

Attractive teen: My ex-boyfriend used to tell me that I couldn’t talk about anything that had to do with my ass. He was, like, anal about it and would say all the time, ‘Don’t you talk about your ass, it’s going to completely turn me off — I don’t want to hear about it.’

–2 train

Overheard by: Talia

Man on cell: I remember — we just got my rear end replaced.

–University

Overheard by: Asinine

Chick on cell: Eeyore’s butt — where is it?!

–Harlem

Overheard by: Ladle

Man on cell: And she said, ‘You’re pretty cute for a garbage man,’ and then she grabbed my ass.

–Hell’s Kitchen

Overheard by: Kat

Wednesday One-Liners Fade to Black

Slightly drunk kid from Alaska: I realized I had blacked out when I woke up on top of my sister.

–14th St

Overheard by: The Reverend

Young girl on cell: You passed out from him choking you? (pause) Like…does it…um…sting? Did he apologize at least? (pause) Ya know, it's not okay to get so fucked up that you don't know that he's choking you.

–Max Cafe

Overheard by: D to the ana

Loud girl on cell: Oh my god! Don't even worry about hitting on her too much, she was totally blacked out last night!

–Whole Foods Union Square

Overheard by: bildita

Preppy girl: Is "faint" a euphemism for "boner"?

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: Diana

Wednesday Two-Become-One Liners

Girl on cell: You're like the male version of me! Of course I want to have sex with you!

–Washington Square Park

Girl: I don't give a shit about your personal life, will anyone in this bar have goddamn sex with me?!

–Naked Lunch, Tribeca

Guy on cell: So anyway, I told her I'd come and fuck her brains out. Wait a minute, I've got another call coming in… (answers) Hi, mom!

–E Train

Gay queen, while female friends take photo of werewolf: It's worth having sex with just because of the foot…

–The Slaughtered Lamb Pub, West Village

Overheard by: Lost on Christmas Day

Girl on phone: I ain't denying you shit, motherfucker! You want to pound my ass? Come over and pound me! You want to fill my mouth with juice? Then fill me with juicy goodness! (pause) Okay, I'll see you later tonight, then.

–W 123rd & 8th Ave

Ferry queer on phone: Everyone looks like the sex they had last night.

–Staten Island