Funny-looking guy with crazy goatee & glasses to the sales assistant by the table full of butt plugs: I'm friendly with this woman… She likes things in her ass.
–Babeland, Lower East Side
Overheard by: Lara
Girl: It felt so good. He then stuck his finger up my ass. Just as I was about to say "No! No!" I came. Ugh, I swear my life is a joke… A joke!
–Murray St & Greenwich
Overheard by: James
Guy talking way too loudly on cell: Man, I just lay her down and say, "baby, you put yo' tongue in daddy's ass!
–W 3rd & MacDougal
Overheard by: Mathieu
Guy on cell: Cus he'd already been to the emergency room, 'cus he stuck a shampoo bottle up his ass.
–L Train
Thug to girl in catsuit costume walking by: Man, I'd eat yesterday's breakfast out of that ass!
–42nd & 7th
Overheard by: Ed
Archive for the ‘Pick-up Lines’ Category
Wednesday Two-Become-One Liners
Girl on cell: You're like the male version of me! Of course I want to have sex with you!
–Washington Square Park
Girl: I don't give a shit about your personal life, will anyone in this bar have goddamn sex with me?!
–Naked Lunch, Tribeca
Guy on cell: So anyway, I told her I'd come and fuck her brains out. Wait a minute, I've got another call coming in… (answers) Hi, mom!
–E Train
Gay queen, while female friends take photo of werewolf: It's worth having sex with just because of the foot…
–The Slaughtered Lamb Pub, West Village
Overheard by: Lost on Christmas Day
Girl on phone: I ain't denying you shit, motherfucker! You want to pound my ass? Come over and pound me! You want to fill my mouth with juice? Then fill me with juicy goodness! (pause) Okay, I'll see you later tonight, then.
–W 123rd & 8th Ave
Ferry queer on phone: Everyone looks like the sex they had last night.
–Staten Island
Night Train, Thunderbird and Wednesday One-Liners
Crazy hobo with guitar to stranger: Damn… you invited a lot of people.
–1 Train
Hobo to young married couple: I have found the promised land. Seriously. I'd get a plane ticket right now, but it'd be cheaper to go to confession for a week and then get hit by a bus. Remind me to tell you about this later.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Oliver
Grimy hobo: Hey, do you guys have any change? Hey, do you guys have any change?
(20-something girl walks past him, with businessman a few steps behind) Hey, do you guys want to have sex? Uh, I mean…
–W 3rd & Thompson
Hobo, taking donations to help the homeless, counting coins: 25…50…60… (grabs fistful of coins sticks in pocket) Tax rebate!
–Union Square
Your Editors Are Still Trying to Determine If That's a Good or a Bad Thing
Girl #1: Tell me how you bagged him 'cause I need to bag someone for myself!
Girl #2: All I said was, “you're fly, I'm fly, we could be fly together!”
Girl #1: Dead ass?
Girl #2: Dead ass!
–Brooklyn College
Overheard by: Puzzled Psychology Major
Also How Sandra Bullock and Jesse James Met
Crackhead trying to get pretty girl's attention: Woo gurrrl, where you bin? Walkin all fine. Hey shawty! Girl in dat pink sweater! I talkin' to you.
Pretty girl: It's fucking salmon. (walks into pet store to escape)
Crackhead: Wooo, ain'tcho fiesty! I'll buy you a puppy! Shoo!
–E 6th St
Some Good Clean Wednesday One-Liners
Chick: That guy ruined loofah-foreplay for an entire nation!
–113th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Crazy guy riding on bike: Girl, I would looove to see your bathwater!
–7th & W23rd
Suit on cell: She has a bit of an upset stomach cause we've given her, like, a ton of baths.
–Whole Foods, Houston St
Overheard by: Percival Under Cover
Andre-the-giant-looking guy walking by, on cell: I have to sponge-bath myself down there. It's ridiculous.
–South Street Seaport
Overheard by: kosher dan
30-something suit: Some girls don't take showers… But that doesn't stop me from hittin' em.
–34th St
Overheard by: Kristen
Wednesdays Pad Their One-Liners
Football player on razor scooter, chasing shirtless theater major: I'll get you my pretty… And your little dick too!
–Wagner College
Girl, looking at long ladies bathroom queue: At times like these, I wish women had dicks.
–Winter Garden Theatre
Slightly drunk man: I feel like someone just shut a door on my dick.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Sunny
Hooker to pimp: I had to suck his dick in front of everyone!
–Outside Penn Station
Overheard by: David
Just for Starters, Build Her a Birdhouse
Thug on street: Hey, girl! You lookin' fine. I'm gonna do… things to you. Yup, lots of… things.
Thug friend: Like, what you gonna do to her?
Thug: Things, man. I said things.
–125th St & Morningside Ave
I Can't Even Rent You
Haggard 40-something guy to girl passing by: Mmm-hmmm! That's the way I like 'em. Tiny and nice and tight. Look at that body, damn. Mmm-hmm. Hey, girl! Hey, gorgeous, how old are you?
Annoyed girl: I'm 14.
Haggard #40-something guy: Damn! That'll get me 25 years… Damn!
–3rd St, Havemeyer
Overheard by: One of 8 who witnessed this
What's a Nice Wednesday Like You Doing in a One-Liner Like This?
Creepster to woman with child entering train: You can sit here. There's no reason to be standing when you have a child with you. (woman sits) Not to sound creepy, but the view was much better when you were standing.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Creeped out.
Black hobo to young white girl: If you and I got together, we could make the next Obama.
–4 Train
Overheard by: Katie
Greasy white suit to hot black chick: My name is Mark, but you can call me "The Vagina Whisperer."
–Moe's Bar. Brooklyn
Guy hitting on four younger girls: I'll take you home and we can do something weird… I'll pour honey all over you. Then I'll put you in the closet and let loose 200 bees in there with you! Or, we could do sexy-weird! I'll pour butter all over you, and I'll make toast, and I'll wipe the butter off your back with it!
–1 Train
Older fat man yelling at attractive young woman: Hey bay! You're beautiful! Look at me! You don't want to say hi? (spreads his arms) Hey, come on, look at me. I'm Tony Baloney.
–Broadway & Hewes, Brooklyn