Archive for the ‘Pick-up Lines’ Category

The Day Barbie Realized Her Infinite Power

Thug to smiling girl: It's so nice to see a pretty girl smiling!
Smiling girl: Everybody's been so nice to me today… I don't know what's going on!
Thug, pointing at her breasts: Did you just grow those last night, girl?
Smiling girl: Oh my god! I'm wearing a push up bra today! (pause) Well, I'll have to buy more of these! (walks away, jutting her chest out)

–48th & 2nd

Wednesday One-Liners, for Purely Medicinal Purposes

Guy wearing a promotional cardboard to another: I think I'm going to treat myself to health insurance next month.

–Broadway & 43rd St

Overheard by: Maria

Woman on phone: My urologist wanted to stick a microscope up my urethra! (pause) No! (pause) Because it's going to hurt!

–Vandam St & 6th Ave

20-something woman on cell: Yeah, the doctor told me not to exfoliate my labia.

–R Train

Overheard by: Note to self….

Bartender: I gotta get sexy for my doctor tomorrow. I'm gonna be like, "doctor, I need you to examine me. I need you to remove my garments." Nah… I'm just playin'. My doctor's cute, though. For real. I'm just gonna show some cleavage or somethin'.

–Jamaica, Queens

Woman on phone: She wants to be a doctor. She likes it when the guts fall out. (pause) No, she wouldn't do that. She's too lazy to be a serial killer.

–Fox Newsroom, 6th & 48th

Overheard by: Newsbunny

Plant a Wednesday, Harvest One-Liners

Girl holding orchid: Orchids are the thinking man's rose.

–116th & Broadway

Overheard by: Samantha

Hipster girl to hipster guy: I'm telling you, these trees smell like semen.

–10th St b/w 1st & Ave A

Overheard by: Libby

Disheveled hobo to granola-looking lady with khaki shorts, matching hat, and three-foot braided ponytail: You goin' on a nature walk, baby? I'd like to take a hike with you and make sweet love beside a pine tree.

–89th & Broadway

Overheard by: Jesse Cromer

20-something hipster: He face-planted into my potted plant, and then later he pissed himself.

–Gowanus Yacht Club, Brooklyn

Overheard by: big bad don

Wednesday One-Liners Have the City's Shittiest Job

Comedy club promoter: Comedy club, comedy club. Laugh until you get violent diarrhea!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Patrick

Comedy promoter to girl walking by: Hey, you like comedy? (girl ignores him) Yeah, you the strong, silent type… I like that in a woman.

–48th & Broadway

Overheard by: MsPrint

Comedy show ticket salesman on sidewalk: Comedy show! Free vibrators! New batteries!

–Times Square

Guy promoting comedy club to couple holding hands: Hey, what are you two doing tonight? …besides each other?

–Times Square

Comedy promoter: Want to see a comedy show? We've got free marijuana downstairs.

–W 43rd St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: Daniel