Archive for the ‘Pick-up Lines’ Category

What's a Nice Wednesday Like You Doing in a One-Liner Like This?

Creepster to woman with child entering train: You can sit here. There's no reason to be standing when you have a child with you. (woman sits) Not to sound creepy, but the view was much better when you were standing.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Creeped out.

Black hobo to young white girl: If you and I got together, we could make the next Obama.

–4 Train

Overheard by: Katie

Greasy white suit to hot black chick: My name is Mark, but you can call me "The Vagina Whisperer."

–Moe's Bar. Brooklyn

Guy hitting on four younger girls: I'll take you home and we can do something weird… I'll pour honey all over you. Then I'll put you in the closet and let loose 200 bees in there with you! Or, we could do sexy-weird! I'll pour butter all over you, and I'll make toast, and I'll wipe the butter off your back with it!

–1 Train

Older fat man yelling at attractive young woman: Hey bay! You're beautiful! Look at me! You don't want to say hi? (spreads his arms) Hey, come on, look at me. I'm Tony Baloney.

–Broadway & Hewes, Brooklyn

The Day Barbie Realized Her Infinite Power

Thug to smiling girl: It's so nice to see a pretty girl smiling!
Smiling girl: Everybody's been so nice to me today… I don't know what's going on!
Thug, pointing at her breasts: Did you just grow those last night, girl?
Smiling girl: Oh my god! I'm wearing a push up bra today! (pause) Well, I'll have to buy more of these! (walks away, jutting her chest out)

–48th & 2nd

Wednesday One-Liners, for Purely Medicinal Purposes

Guy wearing a promotional cardboard to another: I think I'm going to treat myself to health insurance next month.

–Broadway & 43rd St

Overheard by: Maria

Woman on phone: My urologist wanted to stick a microscope up my urethra! (pause) No! (pause) Because it's going to hurt!

–Vandam St & 6th Ave

20-something woman on cell: Yeah, the doctor told me not to exfoliate my labia.

–R Train

Overheard by: Note to self….

Bartender: I gotta get sexy for my doctor tomorrow. I'm gonna be like, "doctor, I need you to examine me. I need you to remove my garments." Nah… I'm just playin'. My doctor's cute, though. For real. I'm just gonna show some cleavage or somethin'.

–Jamaica, Queens

Woman on phone: She wants to be a doctor. She likes it when the guts fall out. (pause) No, she wouldn't do that. She's too lazy to be a serial killer.

–Fox Newsroom, 6th & 48th

Overheard by: Newsbunny

Plant a Wednesday, Harvest One-Liners

Girl holding orchid: Orchids are the thinking man's rose.

–116th & Broadway

Overheard by: Samantha

Hipster girl to hipster guy: I'm telling you, these trees smell like semen.

–10th St b/w 1st & Ave A

Overheard by: Libby

Disheveled hobo to granola-looking lady with khaki shorts, matching hat, and three-foot braided ponytail: You goin' on a nature walk, baby? I'd like to take a hike with you and make sweet love beside a pine tree.

–89th & Broadway

Overheard by: Jesse Cromer

20-something hipster: He face-planted into my potted plant, and then later he pissed himself.

–Gowanus Yacht Club, Brooklyn

Overheard by: big bad don