Archive for the ‘Pickiness’ Category

Nowadays It’s 15 or Bust

Hipster guy: So I called him and he was like, ‘My mom is here!’ and I was like, ‘Can you bring her with you?’
Hipster girl: Yeah, I don’t know… I’m not sure I could do it.
Hipster guy: Really? Yeah, sometimes it’s not worth the trouble. Just something fun to do every once in a while when you’re bored… I mean, the last time I fucked a 16-year-old was when I was… twenty-two? –Union Square Overheard by: Jordan

Wednesday One-Liners Took “For Poorer” Out of Their Vows

Gold digger to friend: Yeah, I’m done with doctors. I want an architect. –E 80th St Overheard by: hannah g Annoyed JAP: So, he told me that I would date my way out of the Upper East Side. –Ladies’ room, Johnny’s Uptown Overheard by: Grover Patient to receptionist: She no-showed on me, too, but I didn’t like her anyway because she has Alzheimer’s, and she’s a gold digger. –Dentist’s office JAP: I mean, I was raised never thinking I would ever have to take care of myself. –Penn Station Chick: I mean, he’s, like, a little unstable. He just seems a little wired, but he works for a hedge fund, so… –77th & 3rd

I Gave Him My Best Parker Posey Lip Curl and Left the Train

Snooty alternative chick: So, for some reason I always get these creepy guys talking to me on the train. This one guy on the ride over here looked over at my iPod and I was listening to The Fall, right? And he’s like, ‘That’s an interesting song. It’s like punk, right?’ And so then he pulls out his iPod and starts trying to impress me with his shitty music list.
Alternative guy: What was on it?
Snooty alternative chick: Blink 182 and Good Charlotte and stuff… And it’s like, ‘Um, you’re a guy on the N train who started talking to me, you’re not gonna get in my pants… And you’re especially not gonna get in my pants if you don’t know who The Fall are! That’s totally a prerequisite.’ –Kim’s Video, St. Mark’s Pl

… When It Comes to Peristalsis

Man sunbather: He’s like 6’6″, very attractive…
Woman sunbather: So does he, like, spontaneously vomit…?
Man sunbather: Let’s just say he’s not the smoothest… –Turtle Pond, Central Park Overheard by: Not jumping to date this attractive man.

Great for Enticing Men with Little Debbie Complexes

Aspiring actress: I hope I get the part! That director was so hot! I could totally sleep with him!
Friend: He’s your dad’s age.
Aspiring actress: No! He’s 41. My dad’s 43.
Friend: You’re 20.
Aspiring actress: Yeah. That’s sort of sick. I have to stop liking older guys. What can I say? I’m just looking for a more mature man! Hey, I got this new moisturizer that smells like cookies, and it’s sparkly! Smell my leg! –2 train, between 42nd & 72nd

If New Yorkers Ran Disney, We’d Have Classic Films Like Beauty and the Bestiality

White girl: … And then he took my camera and held it for me during the rest of the ceremony. He’s so sweet…
Indian friend: Okay, seriously? That’s not romantic, that’s pockets!
White girl: I guess he–
Indian friend, interrupting: –We’re so messed up. We think it’s romantic when people give up their seats for us on the subway. I mean, anything Disney did to give us unrealistic expectations New York kicked right out of us. –F train