Chick #1: I don’t want to hook up with her again.
Chick #2: Why?
Chick #1: I don’t like her eyebrows. They’re too bushy. Is that bad? I’m picky.
–Duane Reade
Overheard by: Justin
Archive for the ‘Pickiness’ Category
Guess Whose Girlfriend Is Pregnant
Man #1: What, you don’t like kids?
Man #2: Dude, I make it policy to never hang out with anyone under 20.
Man #1: Why?
Man #2: Teenagers are dangerous savages and anyone younger than that is just loud and expensive.
–V train, 53rd & Lex
Have I Got a Skank for You
Guy #1: I think I’m done dating girls that people have heard of.
Guy #2: Duuude.
–Barnes & Noble
Anything in the Middle of Nowhere Counts As ‘Down South’
Haitian worker #1: Yo, no offense, but that’s what I don’t like about black girls.
Haitian worker #2: Yeah…
Haitian worker #1: You gotta find yourself a good white girl. And not just one from, like, Baltimore, ’cause they mad ghetto. You gotta find a good white girl from, like, Indianapolis, You know, down South.
–Gray’s Papaya, Chelsea
Points for Creativity
Chick #1 looking at life-like dildo that actually cums: I wonder what it cums.
Chick #2: If it were me, I would put in vanilla milkshake.
Chick #1: Oh my god! How amazing would it be if guys came vanilla milkshakes?! I would be on my knees all day long!
Chick #2: Yeah, totally… What a cruel joke that most of them taste like steamrolled, year-old sushi.
–The Pink Pussycat
Overheard by: Sharon Sloan
Just the Ear Buds
JAP #1: I think I’m going to break up with him. He really has, like, no money.
JAP #2: Really?
JAP #1: Yeah. He, like, doesn’t even have an iPod.
–116th & Broadway
How Did You Get Past the Doorman?
Club dude: Yeah, but I don’t understand why she won’t talk to me.
Club dudette: Because she’s attractive and you’re ugly.
Club dude: Oh, yeah, okay, that makes sense.
–Meatpacking district
Overheard by: Harrison
Probably the Only Kind of Reassurance She Would Have Accepted from Him
Black man: Quit turning around and walk, bitch. I ain’t gonna rape you.
White woman turns around and walks a little faster.
Black man: You ain’t even my type! Too skinny! I like ‘em big!
–Madison Ave
The Novelty of Non-Cooking Sluts Soon Wears Off
Idealist: I just want to meet an old-fashioned girl who will make omelets and won’t sleep with my friends.
–7th & Ave A
Wednesday One-Liners Cross Species Boundaries
Man, to old woman pouring paint thinner into the sewer: You know, you’ll kill the alligators like that. –39th & Lex Methodone lover: I told him, “If you do that again, I’m gonna sic the alligators on you!” –Whitehall Ferry Terminal Overheard by: Steven Lowell Tourist, kneeling in front of a giant stone head: Help me, Olmec! Where is the shrine of the silver monkey? –Museum of Natural History Chelsea boy: Yeah…My God, the boys there were so hot! Their asses were all tight and round…Mmm…like a Chihuahua’s. –19th & 6th Overheard by: CocteauBoy 5-Year-Old boy, passing the smelly horse carriages on Central Park South: Eww, are there camels around here? –59th between Broadway & 7th Overheard by: Carmiya Weinraub Old man, passing bear sculpture: Bears eat too much. –American Wing Cafe, the Met Overheard by: guingel MTA hardhat: Yeah, for lunch I’ll have either the rat on a stick or the pigeon on a stick. –Bleecker & Lafayette Overheard by: Brewster Guy on cell: I just saw a pigeon, and it reminded me of you. –Houston & Bowery Overheard by: Jon A. Commuter: Oh, I’ve always been into manatees. –Penn Station Overheard by: Jon Woman, to child: That’s why imagination is really nice. You can imagine that cat you have always wanted, and it’s almost like having him for real…even though you never will. –53rd & Broadway Animal lover: I never used to like cats. But then I had this dream where this cat, like, told me, “I love you,” so I got a cat. –10th St & 1st Ave Bus rider: My son’s frog jumped up there, and now I can’t take a poop. –Q101 bus Overheard by: Kaleena Suit: No, no, it’s a woman with a donkey, not two donkeys! Jesus. –14th St 1 station Non-Ghetto woman on cell: That’s nigga’s crazier than a road lizard! –59th & 7th Picky girl: You won’t believe the pick up line he used. He actually said, “I want to be your beast.” –The Strand, Broadway Overheard by: Miss Parker