Wife, looking at photos: My god, is that a geyser?
Husband: No, a waterfall. You have the photo upside down.
–Brooklyn
Archive for the ‘Pictures’ Category
Wednesday One-Liners Mostly Just Stand Around
Security guard: Oh, man, thank god for anti-depressants and alcohol! Nothing like Jack Daniels to get you through the day.
–The Met
Building security guard to mailman: Don't you think tv saved the world? Say you've got 10, 12, 14, 16 kids . . .
–William & Beekman
NYU security guard to long line of kids: A'ight kids, e-z passes out. Put your IDs in the air and wave them like you just don't care!
–College of Arts and Science, Washington Square Park
Security man: No photos in Tim Burton! No pictures, no photos! Tell a friend, tell a neighbor, tell someone you don't like!
–Tim Burton Exhibit, MoMA
Security guard: Have a nice day… Now get the hell out of here.
–JFK Airport
You're No Body 'til Some Body Wednesday One-Liners You
Ghetto girl to group of friends: And I was just like "Oh my god! No, she didn't! Not with that nose!"
–C Train
Guy: You could fry an egg on her stomach.
–Union Square Green Market
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Indian cougar: I just like the feeling of a nice hard young male body.
–Bowery St
Overheard by: Dj bj
Woman showing pictures on camera: And this is da one where I'm givin' him da deaf eyes…
–West Village
Overheard by: Cass
Woman on cell: Never once have I opened my legs to anyone… besides you.
–Downtown Brooklyn
Overheard by: Matt Martin
Teen to friend: They said it wouldn't be fair for me to fight her cause she ain't got no fingers.
–Outside Erasmus High School
Can We at Least Start a Band and Affect British Accents?
Out-of-town teen hipster: I like wish one of those cars could take a picture of us crossing, so it'd be like Abbey Road…
Friend: But this isn't Abbey Road, there's only three of us, and we're in the States.
Out-of-town teen hipster: So?
Friend: So it'd just be a picture of us crossing some random street!
–Bowery & Bleecker
A Picture Speaks a Thousand Wednesday One-Liners.
Father to two toddlers walking with mommy: So your mother offered to take me to The Standard for our anniversary, where we'd pose naked in the windows for all to see. I told your mommy I'm game… Afterwards we'll sell the pictures in Australia, how's that sound?
–23rd St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: geedee
Hipster, on being mugged: So I'm in the ambulance, but instead of feeling bad about it I took a picture of myself and put it on Twitter.
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Girl on cell: Just take nude photos of yourself. Go home. Take off your clothes, stand in front of a mirror, and take pictures.
–23rd St
Slutty-looking hipster chick on phone: My ex boyfriend said that he googled me and found naked pics of me.
–4th Ave & 86th St
Overheard by: bay ridge bitch
Annoying teen girl: He said "You know Limp Bizkit? Well, this is limp dick!" And he sent me a picture of his soft penis and I died laughing on the street!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Wallflower
Without Peer Pressure, the Fashion Industry Would Soon Collapse
Girl #1: I kind of just wanna wear what I wore last night.
Girl #2: I mean, we didn't take any pictures.
Girls standing nearby: Dirtyyyyyyyyy.
–Duane Reade
Ever Wish You Could Vote Tourists Off the Island?
French tourist, after discussing America's faults in the world, to American man: Can you take a picture of us with the Statue of Liberty in the background?
American man: Ain't she a beautiful bitch?
French tourist: Why do you say “bitch”?
American man: Well, she's French. Welcome to America.
–Staten Island Ferry
Um, Aren't You a Little Old to Watch Hannah Montana?
High school girl #1: I love Hannah Montana but I hate Miley Cyrus. She's like a role model, you know? She shouldn't have taken those pictures, but… If she, you know, shouldn't have leaked them.
High school girl #2: I don't think she…
High school girl #1: Well, I know, but still!
–Flushing
Nicole Richie Gets This a Lot.
Bouncer, looking at photo ID skeptically: I don't think this is…
Impatient cute girl: Look, it's me, okay? It's me.
Bouncer: I'm not sure.
Impatient cute girl: I used to be ugly, okay? I've gotten over it; so should you.
–Lotus Club
And None Of Us Are Dead
Tiara'd bachelorette #1: I'll take a photo.
Tiara'd bachelorette #2: What? Of us just walking?
Tiara'd bachelorette #1: Yeah, like the Beatles.
Tiara'd bachelorette #3: But there aren't five of us.
–2nd St b/w 1st & 2nd Ave