Archive for the ‘Pictures’ Category

Where Would This Site Be Without the Hobos?

Trinidadian hobo: Step into the car and please don't block the doors. There's another train directly behind this one. Biiing-bonnng! That's from the old cars. This is how they do it now: “Dingdong!” (recorded “if you see something, say something” message plays; hobo recites the message along with it, mimicking perfectly.) “Tell a police officer or an MTA employee.” Or tell me, because it might be a bag o' money. Or weed. But if it's only a nickel bag of weed, just turn it in to a policeman. If it's a 500-pound bag, give it to me! I need that haze! Now, here's a picture of my wife. Two years ago, on Easter Sunday, my wife passed away of a massive heart attack. I want you all to know about this because I want you all to know I'm still single. The ladies, that is, not the men. I'm not gay. I have gay friends, but I'm not gay. I'm a lesbian. I'm a lesbian because I love what they eat!

–4 Train

Overheard by: Aloof Loner

Wednesday One-Megapixeliners

Pushy black woman to employee standing next to portrait studio samples: The next time I come in here, I want to see my daughter's picture up here, because she is beautiful.

–K-Mart, 34th St

Overheard by: EthanK

Guy: There were some pictures taken, involving, like, my penis and Caleb's penis and five other guys.

–4th St & 2nd Ave

Girl: Food is overrated, let's just take a picture and leave.

–100th St & Broadway

Hipster punk girl on phone: Hello? (pause) No, but I know a girl if you're looking. She also puts jelly on her toes. (pause) Who? I once sold a semi-nude photo of myself at an art show once. I think Brendan has a copy of it… no one would ever pay to see my feet. But again, I ask, who were you talking to? (pause) Dave was under the impression that I sold pictures of my extremities for money? That's awesome! I'm going to send him a picture of my elbow!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Ayenbird

Guy: The more bodies, the more pictures. That's what I always say.

–14th St & 7th Ave

Wednesday Two-Become-One Liners

Girl on cell: You're like the male version of me! Of course I want to have sex with you!

–Washington Square Park

Girl: I don't give a shit about your personal life, will anyone in this bar have goddamn sex with me?!

–Naked Lunch, Tribeca

Guy on cell: So anyway, I told her I'd come and fuck her brains out. Wait a minute, I've got another call coming in… (answers) Hi, mom!

–E Train

Gay queen, while female friends take photo of werewolf: It's worth having sex with just because of the foot…

–The Slaughtered Lamb Pub, West Village

Overheard by: Lost on Christmas Day

Girl on phone: I ain't denying you shit, motherfucker! You want to pound my ass? Come over and pound me! You want to fill my mouth with juice? Then fill me with juicy goodness! (pause) Okay, I'll see you later tonight, then.

–W 123rd & 8th Ave

Ferry queer on phone: Everyone looks like the sex they had last night.

–Staten Island

Wednesday One-Liners Are What She Said

Conductor: Please stop holding my doors open in the back! (pause, no change) Stop pushing open my doors in the back! (pause, no change) Hey, I don't want no more people squeezing through my openings in the back, okay?

–Q Train

Overexcited tourist dad to little girls: Alright, Jade*, blow the bubbles towards Leah*. Yes, towards her, like facing each other, so I can take a picture… When I tell you, okay? Perfect. Okay, now blow each other.

–Liberty Park

Suit: Well, it's not very large by adult standards, but it's big for what it is.

–Queens

Male office worker: My drawers are getting tight already.

–Broadway

Old woman: Would you like to give a donation to help feed our pussies?

–PETCO, Union Square

Overheard by: Lex

Wait, Let Me Make Sure the Flash Is On

Female tourist to friend: Oh my god, do we really get to take the subway? Gosh, you have to take a picture of me with the subway! C'mon, take the picture!
Man, overhearing: Oh my god, let's push you down the stairs and see how much you like the subway.

–Rockafeller Center Subway

Overheard by: Kirby

Headline by: Ryan

Runners-Up:
· “A *Real* New Yorker Would’ve Just Pushed Her” – Thaniel

· “Give a Tourist a Pin and She’ll Remember NY for a Week, Push Her Down the Stairs, and She’ll Remember It for the Rest Of Her Life” – Prole
· “How Tourist-Tossing Got Started” – Barry
· “It Would Save Her That Stop at Planned Parenthood” – niqua
· “Throw in a Rape and Mugging and You’ll Get the Full Subway Experience” – Forensic Photographer
· “Why Is It Called “Tourist Season” If We Can´t Kill Them?” – Fresca P.


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Willard Got Sent to Live With Relatives in the Poconos

Tattooed young mother: So when we get home we could take pictures of the cat.
Four-year old: We could take pictures of the cat's penis, you told me cats have penises!
Tattooed young mother (hushing child): Why are you so fascinated by that?
Four-year old: I like penises!
Tattooed young mother: Don't say that, you can't say things like that!

–F Train

Overheard by: wow.