Archive for the ‘Pictures’ Category

Wednesday One-Megapixeliners

Pushy black woman to employee standing next to portrait studio samples: The next time I come in here, I want to see my daughter's picture up here, because she is beautiful. –K-Mart, 34th St Overheard by: EthanK Guy: There were some pictures taken, involving, like, my penis and Caleb's penis and five other guys. –4th St & 2nd Ave Girl: Food is overrated, let's just take a picture and leave. –100th St & Broadway Hipster punk girl on phone: Hello? (pause) No, but I know a girl if you're looking. She also puts jelly on her toes. (pause) Who? I once sold a semi-nude photo of myself at an art show once. I think Brendan has a copy of it… no one would ever pay to see my feet. But again, I ask, who were you talking to? (pause) Dave was under the impression that I sold pictures of my extremities for money? That's awesome! I'm going to send him a picture of my elbow! –Union Square Overheard by: Ayenbird Guy: The more bodies, the more pictures. That's what I always say. –14th St & 7th Ave

Hasn't That Exhibit Been Done?

Cute girl to drunk friend sitting provocatively with a miniskirt on: Sit up, Beth, your coochie's hangin' out.
Drunk friend: I can't get up. (yelling) Does anyone on this train have a problem with my vagina hanging out?
(train is silent)
Drunk friend: See? No one cares. Vaginas are like modern art these days.
Cute girl: I guess.
Drunk friend: You could take a picture of my snatch right now, frame it, make it look like Warhol, and it would sell in the MoMA for five thousand bucks. Hell, I should be charging admission fees right now. Anyone who comes to see my snatch exhibit and doesn't buy a copy is a misogynist. –A Train

Young Urban Professional Wednesday One-Liners

Yuppie screenwriter girl: So I was a very precocious child. Or whatever, y'know. And I just wanted to explore that dynamic a little bit? Basically it's a buddy picture between the little me and the big me. –14th & 8th Yuppie woman: And what do I say to that? "I have a smack habit, give me money"! –St. Mark's Place Yuppie man: If I hear "breast milk cupcakes" one more time… –Outside Gotham Bar and Grill Yuppie, thoughtfully: It's not the mustard, it's what the mustard represents! –Food Emporium, 2nd Ave

A Wednesday One-Liner Is Worth a Thousand Words

Cheerful lady taking photos: Smile! Say, ‘Shit’! –20th & Park Overheard by: Rose Fox Chick with camera: I am gonna Flickr the fuck out of you! –Burp Castle, 7th & 2nd Overheard by: Still dazzled by the flash Hippie chick: Yeah, I put up a picture of her on my site — the one of her on the couch. It was the only picture where she didn’t have two dicks in her. –Thai restaurant, Park Slope Angry man, about his ex: I was looking at her picture and got mad right away. You know instant oatmeal? I was instant angry. –Staten Island Ferry Overheard by: KristenH Man with accent, into pay phone: I have the pictures! With the girl, yes! … Vagina in them! Yes! –W 4th St

Wednesday One-Liners Crank the Woofers

Suit: So what you really need to do is put together a social networking site for dogs. –Barfly, 20th & 3rd Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson Woman: I swear, my parents are only coming to visit so they can see my dog. Honest! –Searchlight, 11th & University Overheard by: MissPinkKate Conductor: Will the man with the small dog in the plastic bag please leave the train. That is not a safe way to be transporting a dog. Thank you. –Bay Head Train Guy riding past on a bike, yelling into his cell: Baby! If the dog is talking, that means one of two things… –24th Ave, Astoria Overheard by: sara n. Woman on cell: But it's not just any day of the year! It's Yom Kippur! (listens) Fuck you, Dave! Fuck you, and fuck your dog! –Prince St Overheard by: elle Woman in elevator on cell (coming from attorney's office): You won't believe what he did! First he staged photos of me in bed with a dog. Then I turn the page and it's me in bed with my next door neighbor! –Vesey St

Wednesday Fatty-Boombalatty-Liners

Girls looking at pictures: He was mad fat, but he was a good ass baby. –Uptown A Train Guy walking through sea of sun bathers: There aren't even that many fat people here… That's good. –Sheep Meadow, Central Park Guy on cell: You're not skinny fat, no. –East Village Guy on cell phone: You mean you're not going to fatso's wedding! –N Train Overheard by: wasn't even invited Female suit: Why the hell does Weight Watchers have so many big fat people working in their offices, anyway? That's so not inspiring! –40th & Madison Ave Guy on phone: You mean the really nice one? She got big? What do you mean by big? (pause) Oh. Well, she has an exceptionally beautiful face, man. Do the right thing. –9th & 15th Overheard by: Courtney