Archive for the ‘Pictures’ Category

Abstract Expressionist Wednesday One-Liners

Woman sitting in front of bar with friends: I approached motherhood like I approached my art…

–9th St & Ave C

Overheard by: Juliet

Street artist to tourist: I don't have empathy, I paint empathy.

–Soho

Hipster arty type to another: She deserves to be roofied; her prints are horrible.

–Pratt Institute

Hipster to another, at Georgia O'Keefe exhibit: That's a lot of vaginas.

–Whitney Museum

Four-year-old boy to father, at 17th century furniture room: This place gives me the creeps!

–Metropolitan Museum of Art

Overheard by: Me too

Mother to child: I seen that picture you did of that boy kissing that girl. (pause) Darren, your art shit is going far!

–Times Square

Wednesday One-Liners Won't Do This Again. 'Til Nex Time.

20-something girl to friend: I mean, my husband never asked me a direct question; so I never had to lie. He never said, "what were you doing today at 3 pm?" so I didn't ever have to respond,"screwing my new boyfriend in a Lower East Side apartment that we just rented."

–Max Cafe, Morningside Heights

Girl on cell: This time I'll respect the fact that you're engaged.

–St. Mark's & 1st

Overheard by: spead

White guy to Asian guy: But no sex, because she has a boyfriend… But head is okay…

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: GreenwichSandwich

Man shouting on cell: I'm a spic?! Well, you're a Jew! Besides, how was I supposed to know you had a husband?

–5th Ave & 90th St

30-something guy to another: So I asked this girl if she had any friends she could hook me up with and she responded with an emailed .pdf of names, pictures, phone numbers and a short blurb about each girl. The funniest part was this one girl, it said: "has boyfriend, will fuck other people."

–Union Square West

Overheard by: Brian

Wednesday's One-Liner Sense Is Tingling

Black man in Batman suit trying to get tourists to pay to take pictures with him: I got bills! I got bills!

–Times Square

Overheard by: kpan

Traffic cop, motioning in vain for car to stop: I guess my powers aren't working today…

–Citifield, 7 Train Entrance

Teenage girl: I love my physics teacher. He's like a fat, middle-aged Superman.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Large man with heavy accent shouting into cell: Please send somebody–I have just been robbed. (pause) I am on the corner. (pause) What do you mean, "white"? He is a Spiderman! He's wearing a Spiderman suit!

–Stanton & Essex

Wow, Your Eyes Are Bigger Than Your Stomach

Trendy female college student: I feel dizzy.
Twinkie male friend: Did you eat anything today?
Trendy female college student: No… but I looked at a picture of an English muffin yesterday and I'm still full.
Twinkie male friend: Hmmm. You're sure you're not hungry?
Trendy female college student: Eh… Can you get me a bagel? Not like a real bagel, but a picture of one?

–V Train

Overheard by: eating disorders arent funny

Wednesday One-Liners for Change

Black lady to family in obama t-shirts: You know how all those irish people have pictures of kennedy hanging up in their living rooms? Now we can do that too!

–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Definitely has a JFK picture in her apartment

Guy selling obama-themed condoms: Remember the election with every erection!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Mary Button

Black woman with a child in her stroller braiding her hair: There's gona be a lot of braidin in the white house.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Subway surfer

Woman on cell phone: Girl, if I can get to the front of the line at the vma's I can get to the front of the line at the damn inauguration. Shiiiit it's barack obama, girl!

–manhattan dental waiting room

Overheard by: Catherine

Stoned kid to a group of his friends discussing politics: You know what's scary bro? If obama gets assassinated, george bush is gonna be president again.

–1 Train @ 2AM going Downtown

Black man handing out metro: "get your obama metro! Get your obama metro! See, anyone can be president… I'm next!"

–59th Street, Lexington Ave

Overheard by: Yes we can!