Chunky lady to skinny friend who ordered a Diet Coke: Bitch, I will slap the shit out of you with this pizza…I'll eat it, too. I don't even care.
–14th St b/w 3rd & 4th Ave
Wasted guy, placing order: A slice of pizza on the rocks.
–1st Ave & 20th St
Overweight Paris Hilton wannabe, loudly on cell: No, the food wasn't like, out of this world, like what I'm used to. No…not really. I'd say more like a touch of Greece–with maybe Turkish or Egyptian. I mean, it's almost impossible to find a good slice of pizza in the city nowadays.
–Crowded LIRR Train
Overheard by: CV
little girl to parents: I like mine with salt, pepper and bone.
–La Rocca's Pizzaria, Staten Island
Overheard by: Dawn D.
Female suit to friends: Oh no, I can't. I save my pizza binge-eating for when I'm drunk.
–Ave of the Americas
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Tourist: Oooh, there's a really good pizza place down here somewhere, Sbarro.
–Basement, Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: pop pop
Six-year-old to friends: We should have an Obama pizza party!
–Park Slope
Archive for the ‘Pizza’ Category
I'd Be All, “It's Not Delivery, It's Diana!”
Hungover girl to friend: I can't eat this pizza, it tastes like vagina.
Friend: I wish my vagina tasted like pizza.
–Artichoke Pizza, 14th St
Overheard by: Shelli Silverstein
At Least I Don't Have Pepperoni Stuck in My Beard
Girlfriend: Imagine the whole world was covered in pizza boxes. (pauses in deep though) That would be a lot of pizza boxes!
Boyfriend: You dumb.
–Colombia University Campus
Wednesday One-Liners Are So Not the Freshmaker
Bimbette: I don't think I've ever been that grossed out during the day. It all started when that woman smelled like pee…
–6 Train
Overheard by: j
Female suit: We were above an Indian restaurant and he was banging me from behind. I could smell the curry, and while he was banging me I was gagging.
–NJ Transit
Chick: You smell like vag and pizza.
–Borders
Girl to friend, after bending head down into her: Damn my puss stank.
–E Train
Overheard by: Nicole
College guy (screaming at friend): Dude! How are you even in college?! You smell like Oust! You smell like Tropical Glade!
–1 Train
Concerned hipster: I know you just orgasmed, but what's that smell?
–E 9th & 3rd
Overheard by: Peanut
If We Never See Another Negro Pizza Fund Wednesday One-Liner Again, It'll Be Too Soon
Hobo: Can you spare a donation to the united negro pizza fund?
–120th St & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Mikey T
Hobo: Would you like to make a donation to the united negro pastrami fund?
–21st & Park Ave
Overheard by: Lawrence C
Hobo: Hello ladies, would you like to donate to the united negro pastrami sandwich fund?
–Broadway, SoHo
Bum on street: Please give to the united negro pizza fund.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Squid
Hobo: Contribute to the united negro pastrami sandwich fund!
–Prince & Wooster
Black hobo to tourists: Would you like to donate to the united negro pastrami fund?
–Bleecker & Leroy
Overheard by: Lynn
Hobo: Please give to to the united negro pizza fund. A pepperoni is a terrible thing to waste. (30 minutes later) What's the best nation? A do-nation!
–Outside Buddha Bar
When I Chain You to the Treadmill Tonight, I’ll Be Doing It with Love
Middle-aged woman on her cell: Where are you? Don’t get the pizza, it’s too many calories. Just get a salad or something. Well, I only say that because I had a nightmare last night where you got big. It was awful. Oh, honey, come on I love you, stop.
I’m just saying, if you had a dream that a building was collapsing and a guy was about to walk into it, wouldn’t you say “stop”? Well, then we agree.
–Pax Wholesome Foods, 6th & 40th
The Real Reason the Israelites Left
Ghetto store employee #1: Yo, they got people in Egypt?
Ghetto store employee #2: Yeah, they got Pizza Hut an everything. Right across the street from the pyramids an shit.
Ghetto store employee #1: Why they be eatin pizza? It’s hot in the desert they ain’t got to be eatin no hot pizza!
–Mass Produced Clothing Store, SoHo
The Race Is to the Swift, the Slice Is to the Strong
Pizza lady: Next.
[No one responds.]
Pizza lady in loud, harsh voice: Next!
Loud, black girl at the beginning of the line: Okay!
Random NYU student: Wow, the pizza line is rough today.
–NYU Kimmel Center
Twenty Percent Fewer People Are Shot There
Fat woman: Where do you want to eat?
Fat man: I don’t know. I’m kind of in the mood for Pizza Hut.
Fat woman: But Wendy’s is healthier…
–14th St
I’m More into Authenticity Than Quality Anyway
Suit: Hey, who has the best pizza, you or the guy down the block?
Pizzeria owner: Fuck you!
Suit: I’ll have two slices, please.
–Near Orchard & Houston