Archive for the ‘Pizza’ Category

The Original Ray’s Wednesday One-Liners

Guy on cell: We can eat pizza and watch people’s faces get cut off!

–Nassau & Humboldt, Greenpoint

Drunk guy: Come eat this pizza! It’s the best fucking pizza in the city. Best fucking pizza in the city. I fucking guarantee it. Fucking best pizza. Good choice, ma’am. This is the best fucking pizza in the city. [Passerby goes in, exits 10 minutes later.] God, I have no idea what I’m going to do with my life.

–Bleecker & Sullivan

Overheard by: d f

Tourist: Oh, Ray’s Pizzeria – I’ve seen that pizzeria before! I think I’ve been here before!

–St. Mark’s & 3rd

Guy: Oh my god, I totally need a hammock made of pizza.

–ACE station, 42nd St

Overheard by: Janet

I’m Just the Sous-Chef

NYU student: What’s on that pizza?
Dining hall employee: Meat.
NYU student: What?
Dining hall employee: And tomato.
NYU student: Chicken?
Dining hall employee: No, tomato. Tomato!
NYU student: Yeah, but what’s the meat?
Dining hall employee: Meat.
NYU student: What kind of meat?
Dining hall employee: Meat. I don’t know. Meatloaf.

–NYU Dining Hall

Overheard by: sjhaughty

Wednesday One-Liners Should Not Attempt to Operate Heavy Machinery

Girl on cell: Mom, are you drunk at Wal-Mart again? –86th & Lex Drunk man: I can’t believe they took Ray’s fucking Pizza out of the Ferry Terminal. How am I supposed to sober up before I go home now? –Staten Island Ferry Terminal Drunk guy: I have to move down to this end of the train because, if I don’t, I’m gonna hit that motherfucker down there. I know I only want to hit him because I’ve been drinking. If I wasn’t drinking, he wouldn’t bother me. If I had been drinking more, I’d just hit him. But right now I’m caught in a strange netherworld and I’ll just chill down here. –1 train Overheard by: Susan Elliott Guy on cell: What? That ungrateful, lying bitch. I can drink more Jack through my dick than he could spill on a table! –Times Square Guy: Man, I don’t care if they call Protective Services on me. When my kid turns ten, I’ll be like, “You’re ready. Let’s go get hammered.” No fuckin’ way I’m waiting ’til he’s eleven. –7th St & 2nd Ave 50-Something guy on cell: Yeah, I just spoke to Kate, and everything is wonderful. The liquor stores are open, and people are riding bicycles. –1st Ave between 9th & 10th Overheard by: LiAps Enemy of Bill W.: If we pass a bar, do you guys mind stopping? I just need it chug a beer. It will literally take me 4 seconds. –3rd St & 1st Ave

‘…A Nation Where They Will Not be Judged by the Color of Their Skin, But by the Blood Alcohol Content of Their Character’

Drunk girl, to owner of pizza place: Hasta mañana!
Drunk guy: That’s not Italian!
Drunk girl: He’s not Italian, he’s Greek! He speaks Yiddish and Greek! –30th & 3rd