Traveling stud: I met this girl while I was vacationing with my wife and kids, so I took her back to my room.
Friend: Why didn’t you go to her room?
Traveling stud: She was traveling with her parents.
Friend: That’s so awesome!
–Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: Erin
Archive for the ‘Players’ Category
Medium Rare Just Isn’t Doing It for Me Anymore
Drunk girl: The other thing you should know about me is I have a raw fucking pussy.
Drunk guy, holding her hand: Yeah? Good.
–St. Mark’s & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Bex
I Need Compassion and an Alibi
Guy #1: She was 14?!
Guy #2: Well, I didn’t know she was 14 when I slept with her.
Guy #1: Dude, how did you not know?!
Guy #2: She didn’t look 14…
Guy #1: And you didn’t ask her age?
Guy #2: I did. She lied and said she was 21.
Guy #1: And you didn’t ask for some identification?
Guy #2: Yeah man, ’cause the way to get a girl into bed is to ask her for some ID first.
Guy #1: Good point… Well, how old did you say you were?
Guy #2: 21.
Guy #1: 21?!
Guy #2: Yeah, 21.
Guy #1: Right, of course. Because 39 is clearly the new 21!
Guy #2: Don’t judge me, man…
–52nd & Madison
Overheard by: So <i>not</i> 14!
We Now Present This Public Service Announcement
Dude #1: So, why did you break up with her?
Dude #2: Because she got herpes.
Dude #1: What?! You gave it to her!
Dude #2: Yeah, I know, but it’s different — herpes is gross with girls. It’s like a battle wound for guys, though.
–Slipper Room
It Was the Giving Birth Kind
Actor #1: It wasn’t like sex vagina, it was more like–
Actor #2: –There’s more than one kind?
–Epiphany
Zen and the Art of Debauchery
Hipster guy: Ever fuck a black chick?
Buddy: I don’t get involved enough with the chicks I fuck to learn details like that.
–Court & Joralemon St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Big Larry
By 2020 Everybody in the City Will Look Like This Guy
Guy #1: So, which one is it? Which one — the one night stand one?
Guy #2: Yeah, the one night stand.
Guy #1: The one night stand is pregnant? What about the one after?
Guy #2: No, the one after isn’t pregnant… yet… I don’t think…
–1 train
Have I Got a Skank for You
Guy #1: I think I’m done dating girls that people have heard of.
Guy #2: Duuude.
–Barnes & Noble
Needles Just Aren’t Cool Anymore
Teen boy #1: Would you do Jane?
Teen boy #2: Well, she’s pretty hot… Got nice tits and all, but don’t you consider diabetes a turn-off?
Teen boy #1: Yeah, dude, totally.
–Metro-North, 125th St stop
Overheard by: Ek CrIsp
Amelie Finally Decided to Feel Flattered
Handsome thug: Damn, girl, you catch a nigga lookin’ like that.
Confused white hipster girl: Um, thanks?
–Fulton St, Bed-Stuy
Overheard by: Bed-Stuy Do or Die