Queer: It was, like, 8:30 in the morning and my colon called and said it needed a filling. –Christopher Street Pier Overheard by: Fourth Axiom
Archive for the ‘Players’ Category
Blame the Dawson’s Creek Song
Suit: My friends told me that you told them that I’d hijacked you. We’ve only dated for a week. For so many reasons it’s not going to work out.
Girl: I don’t understand how someone can just say it’s not going to work out. You know everything about me: my family, my life, all about me. I shared everything this week. I would have held back if I’d known.
Suit: …It’s like I have sticker shock…You are just a much more fun, engaged person than me.
Girl: I don’t understand someone who can just say it’s not going to work out. How can you just say it’s not going to work out?
Suit: Can’t we be friends? That’s why I asked you to meet me here.
Girl: Well, at least we slept together this week. I never wait. I’m so glad we didn’t wait.
–Esashi, Avenue A
So Christina Aguilera is Rich and Poor?
Guy #1: You dated her? Didn’t she used to have herpes?
Guy #2: “Used to”? Herpes is the gift that keeps on giving.
Guy #3: Herpes is the poor man’s AIDS.
–Brother Jimmy’s, 2nd Avenue
It’s Going to Be One Long Yom Kippur
Guy #1: So how was your Rosh Hashanah?
Guy #2: I got a blowjob at a movie theater. Since I was watching Flightplan does that count as mile high?
–23rd & Lexington
Overheard by: dan levin
Those Poor Crabs Are Now in Detox
Old junkie guy #1: …So the bitch is fucking bitching about wearin’ a condom. She won’t let me bust my nut in her ’til I slap one on. So I do! And the bitch gives me crabs!
Old junkie guy #2: What a ho.
–Bx15 bus
Wednesday One-liners Dress You Up
Guy on cell: Yeah, I’m wearing ahhh…a football jersey and Speedos. –Houston & Allen Overheard by: M!J
The Dangers of Making Love in Front of the Robots
Man #1: What happened?
Man #2: I was straddling her, and then everyone got turned on.
–Washington Heights
If They Were Making Out, Would That Make It Worse?
Hipster #1: I mean, dude, one bar, two ex-girlfriends? That is totally uncool.
Hipster #2: Totally.
–Bohemian Hall & Beer Garden, Astoria
Overheard by: Ian Wheeler-Nicholson
She’s the Cob, and They’re the Cornholders
Girl: There’s a Duane Reade.
Guy #1: What do we need a Duane Reade for?
Girl: If we’re gonna do this, you guys both have to be wearing condoms.
–84th & Broadway
Suit #1: But what happens if our cocks accidentally touch?
Suit #2: Well…we’re both adults, we’ll just have to deal with it.
–52nd & Lexington
Especially Not While She’s Rare
Girl: Stop staring, pervert.
Guy: You ain’t all that hot.
Girl: I am not a hamburger! You can’t eat me!
–3 train
Overheard by: Jose