Archive for the ‘Politics’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Think Lebanons Are Girls Who Like Girls

15-year-old on cell: Why would they invade Lebanon? We’ve got nothing they want. All we’ve got are trees. –64th & 5th Overheard by: Caroline Professor Obvious, on Hezbollah situation: It’s, like, so Old Testament. They really need to come up off that shit. –Wooster & Houston B&T mom on cell: God, honey, calm down. I’m in Manhattan, not Lebanon. –American Girl Place, 49th & 5th Overheard by: Courtney Wannabe cartographer: Where’s Hezbollah…Like, it’s a city in Iran, right? –Mug Café, E 13th St

Wednesday One-Liners: Unfiltered.

Chick on cell, not visibly pregnant: I'm having a c-section and a cigarette. –Simply Natural, 43rd & 10th Overheard by: Pleased Recurrent drunkard to bar: I'm not a smoker! I'm a libertarian, for fuck's sake! –Peter McMannus Pub LIRR conductor: There will be no pugilism on this train. Additionally, tonight marks the first night of Kwanzaa, and in the spirit of Kwanzaa, I ask you to not smoke on this train. This is the final warning: if you are smoking, you will be ejected at the next convenient stop. Also, no throwing up is allowed on the train. The two places where you may throw up are in the conveniently-located bathrooms, or on yourselves. Again, merry Kwanzaa. –LIRR Overheard by: Jenna K NYU girl: Do you have a cigarette to ease my cough? –Waverly & Mercer Chick: Mad Men is like porn for smokers. –172nd St & Broadway Overheard by: Ladle

Ultralubricated Wednesday One-Liners with a Reservoir Tip

Curly-haired chick: Your condom consumption should not intimidate people. –Morningside Heights Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy Woman: He bought a car? With seven grand you buy condoms… or a house. But a car? –6 train Overheard by: Sabrina Girl on cell: So I’m just at the pharmacy picking up a prescription… [Lowers voice] You know, my pills… What? My pills! You know, those pills I take so that I don’t get pregnant when your dumb ass busts inside me! –Duane Reade, 34th & Park Overheard by: Laughing my dumb ass off Perky girl to friend: Yeah, and then he said, ‘What the heck?’ and flung the condom across the room. –Astor Pl 20-ish chick: The ribs do nothing for me, but I buy ‘Her pleasure’ condoms for political reasons. –Williamsburg Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred Young girl, panicky: Do you know where I can find the morning-after pill?! –CVS

Wednesday One-Liner: What Is It Good For?

Cleaner: What a pair of tits on that girl! That's why we go to war, that's why we're in Iraq! –Service Elevator, Lexington & 41st St Overheard by: Nicky Annoying chick, about John McCain: I mean, he was a POW because he fucked up! –Shea Stadium Overheard by: megan Security guard, breaking up fight during peace march: You can't fight at the peace march! You can't fight at the peace march! –143 & Malcolm X Woman to screaming three-year-old: And that's why you have to register to vote! Or else they'll draft you and you'll have to go to war! –33rd & 2nd Girl on phone: I can just get a pass from the Israeli army. Don't worry about it. They're easy. –NYU Palladium Dining Hall

Wednesday One-Liners Think “Abroad” Sounds Dirty

20-something college student: I saw the movie Australia the other day, and I couldn't understand anything because they all had English accents. –2 Train Indian woman with accent, recalling story to husband: So I called up customer service, and right away the woman said "Oh, priti, you must be Indian". I said "No, I am not." I was like "What? Are you kidding me? I call customer service and they put me through to India? Then she said "Have you ever been to India?", I was like "No, I have not, is it nice?" –Jackson Heights Overheard by: Marie Z. 10-year-old girl, emoting mockingly for her minder: And I can see *Russia* from my *house*! –74th & Broadway Overheard by: Harriet Vane Woman on cell: It's okay, I've got a plan. We'll move to Mexico, buy a lemonade stand by buying parts from a guy called Javier, earn some money, then smuggle ourselves and our belongings over the border to America, where no one will know what happened. –5th Ave 30-something to friend: Apparently all of England's problems can't be solved by strangling an old guy! –Roosevelt Island

That Makes Judah Benjamin the First Neocon

Girl: Independence Day? I don’t believe people are celebrating it this year, what with the war and everything!
Guy: Yeah…
Girl: I mean people want to celebrate like everything is fine, while we have the worst President ever in office fucking everything up!
Guy: I wouldn’t say that…
Girl: What? How can you say that? Name another President who has done more to fuck up this country?
Guy: Well, we will always have Jefferson Davis. –Park Slope