Cum slut: I thought the spermicide would take the sperm away. But it stayed in there and just got itchy. And burns. –Ginger, Ave. A Overheard by: Tibbie X
Tough-looking guy to tough-looking friend: Manhattan is all about shitpiles. – Manhattan
Woman on cell: I think they put onions in my sandwich. I’m running home now, let me call you when I get off the toilet. –Park Slope Overheard by: Anne C.
Super: Toilet’s fixed. Sorry I was so gruff before, but my hands were full of shit. –Ave A
Teen girl: Whenever I like a guy I get diarrhea. –8th Ave. & 16th St. Overheard by: Kevin Allan
Hispanic nanny: And you know how I have to make poo?
Excited toddler: Yeah!
–1st Ave & E Houston
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Six-year-old boy #1: Poop fart! Poop fart poop fart poop fart. Poop fart!
Six-year-old boy #2: Okay, you win.
–112th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Samantha
Mom #1, about sniffly kid: Don't worry, my kid's not sick. He's just sad.
Mom #2, to kid: Aw, why are you sad?
Kid to mom #2: Because my poopie won't come out.
Mom #2 to kid: Don't worry, I get sad too when my poopie doesn't come out.
Mom #1 to kid: See, I told you it happens to everyone.
–79th St & West End
20-something girl to friend returning from restroom: There you are! I almost sent a search party.
Friend: Yeah, I, uhm, had to go do number two.
20-something girl, enthusiastically: Awesome!
Friend: Yeah, I love a good number two.
20-something girl: Me too, man! Alriiiight! (raises hands for a high-five, then hesitates) Wait, you washed your hands, right?
Friend: Yeah, of course.
20-something girl, with renewed enthusiasm: Alriiiight! (they high five)
Overheard by: Good thinking.
Girl #1: Ugh, I just took a huge shit in Tiffany's.
Girl #2: Oh my god, are you serious? That's awesome. Because, you know what? You get to say for the rest of your life that you took a shit in Tiffany's.
–56th & 5th