Girl on cell with dog in her bag: So I was just like "You're a friggin douche!" (pauses and looks in bag) Fuck! My asshole dog just shit in my bag! (takes dog out) Oh my god! It shit in my lap! It's everywhere! Help me, Dana! –D Train Overheard by: Hahahahaaaaa Passerby to young woman tying up about 10 dogs, singing: Who let the dogs out? Who? –E 90th St Six-year-old girl to mother: And then I said, "Oh, Shihtzu!" –Houston & Orchard Overheard by: j Man on cell: I mean, I don't want to compare her to a dog. But, I just don't want to pet that, if you know what I mean. –E 4th St & Lafayette Overheard by: amanda Large scruffy man in deli apron, watching hot Latina: Woof! (pause) Sorry baby, it's just the dog in me. Woof! –2nd Ave & 94th St Fat man to female friend: I don't know that dogs are delicious. Rather, I know that pork is. –Broadway & Chambers St Overheard by: Carolyn S Girl, pointing at Dachshunds: Look, Chihuahuas! –Winter Gardens
Mom to two-year-old: So did we have a little poopy accident or a big poopy accident?
Two-year-old, squealing in disgust: Eeeeeew!
Mom: I guess that answers my question. –53rd & 8th Overheard by: Jen
Hipster girl #1: And then what?
Hipster girl #2: And then I pooped… Right in my pants! –Spring & Mott Overheard by: jacqui
Friend: Where's that pizza from?
Stroller dad: Tony's*.
Friend: Oh, Tony's*.
Stroller dad: Yeah. We named our rabbit Tony*.
Friend: Because it poops all the time?
Stroller dad: Yeah. –Bar, Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn
Guy: I need to shit.
Girl: You know, smoking will make you have to shit even more.
Guy: Yeah, I know, they’re laxatives.
Girl: They are? –80th & 1st
Elderly janitor, watching pierced teenagers get in line: I'm gonna fart on one of these people. –Broadway & Houston Angry man on cell: They think they're so perfect, but I bet they piss and burp and fart like the rest of us. –80th St & 34th Ave Hobo: Can you spare some change? I need to buy some new underwear, I farted and shat in these. –83rd St & Broadway Overheard by: new girl in town Tiny brunette: Have you ever had to pee so bad, and suddenly you fart and then you don't have to pee that badly anymore? –7 Train Young woman to friend: Yeah, and then she started fartin' a bunch. But she was farting out of her pussy. And Ashley got pissed, cause then, she started makin' a beat out of it. –125th St & Lexington Overheard by: Stephen
Salesguy #1: Dude, I think I smell or something…
Salesguy #2: You smell like the robust combination of onions and poop. –The Puma Store, Broadway & Spring Overheard by: Jeeps
Guy #1 peeing in urinal moans loudly.
Guy #2 peeing in urinal: You ok, man?
Guy #1 peeing in urinal: God, I should have used a condom! –28th & 10th, Crobar
Professor: Why do people take drugs? Because their lives suck. That's right…all of you. –Manhattan College Chemistry professor, discussing quantum physics: If you beat on something hard enough, you can get it to do what you want! –St. John's University, New York City Property professor, after playing Barbra Streisand's version of "Not While I'm Around": Now, is that the same song as Steven Sondheim's version in Sweeney Todd?? (dreamily) Well, when Barbra Streisand does a song…is it ever the same song? –St. John's Law School Overheard by: Cori Professor: If Obama wins the election, I'll buy you all beer. –The Cooper Union Professor: So the way Saint Augustine broke the Lord's commandment not to steal (nobody in class is listening) Was all just his way of honoring the Lord's law, by creating his own. It's sort of like when you have a child that's not allowed to stay up past nine but he knows his parents can stay up as late as they want, so in an act of rebellion he smears his shit all over the walls. –NYU Professor: Now, for your presentations, there is a time limit. If you go over nine minutes, I will cut you. (silent pause) …off. –City College of New York
Woman: If we don’t get where we are goin’ fast, I am going to goosh in my pants. –Bleecker & Charles Overheard by: Michael Kagan