Archive for the ‘Poop’ Category

Yellow and Salty Ain’t Shit, Honey

Girl #1: Oh my god, no offense, but that corn on the cob you made last night tasted like you wiped your ass with it.
Girl #2: Where the hell did that come from?
Girl #1: Sorry but I always associate corn with shit. Maybe I just put too much salt on it. –54th & 1st

What Would Jack Do?

Aging Dungeons & Dragons geek #1: Man, I have to poop.
Aging D&D geek #2: Hmm.
Aging D&D geek #1: This is seriously becoming a problem… especially on Monday nights when I have to poop.
Aging D&D geek #2: Yeah?
Aging D&D geek #1: Yeah. See, I get home from work and I eat until about 8:30 but then I have to watch 24 and I don’t have time to poop. I don’t even have time to poop during the commercials. –B train Overheard by: girl trying NOT to overhear

Wednesday One-Liners Cross Species Boundaries

Man, to old woman pouring paint thinner into the sewer: You know, you’ll kill the alligators like that. –39th & Lex Methodone lover: I told him, “If you do that again, I’m gonna sic the alligators on you!” –Whitehall Ferry Terminal Overheard by: Steven Lowell Tourist, kneeling in front of a giant stone head: Help me, Olmec! Where is the shrine of the silver monkey? –Museum of Natural History Chelsea boy: Yeah…My God, the boys there were so hot! Their asses were all tight and round…Mmm…like a Chihuahua’s. –19th & 6th Overheard by: CocteauBoy 5-Year-Old boy, passing the smelly horse carriages on Central Park South: Eww, are there camels around here? –59th between Broadway & 7th Overheard by: Carmiya Weinraub Old man, passing bear sculpture: Bears eat too much. –American Wing Cafe, the Met Overheard by: guingel MTA hardhat: Yeah, for lunch I’ll have either the rat on a stick or the pigeon on a stick. –Bleecker & Lafayette Overheard by: Brewster Guy on cell: I just saw a pigeon, and it reminded me of you. –Houston & Bowery Overheard by: Jon A. Commuter: Oh, I’ve always been into manatees. –Penn Station Overheard by: Jon Woman, to child: That’s why imagination is really nice. You can imagine that cat you have always wanted, and it’s almost like having him for real…even though you never will. –53rd & Broadway Animal lover: I never used to like cats. But then I had this dream where this cat, like, told me, “I love you,” so I got a cat. –10th St & 1st Ave Bus rider: My son’s frog jumped up there, and now I can’t take a poop. –Q101 bus Overheard by: Kaleena Suit: No, no, it’s a woman with a donkey, not two donkeys! Jesus. –14th St 1 station Non-Ghetto woman on cell: That’s nigga’s crazier than a road lizard! –59th & 7th Picky girl: You won’t believe the pick up line he used. He actually said, “I want to be your beast.” –The Strand, Broadway Overheard by: Miss Parker