Archive for the ‘Poop’ Category

Must Be a Booty Call

Drunk girl #1: God, I have to take a piss. I hope this chick hurries up. Phone rings. Drunk girl #2: Is that your phone? I love that ring. Who is it?
Drunk girl #1: It’s Richard. Who the fuck is Richard?
Drunk girl #2: Well, answer it and find out.
Drunk girl #1: I’m not answering if I don’t know who the fuck it is. They stare at each other and think real hard. Drunk Girl #1: OOHHH! Richard’s my dad. –Milady’s, Soho Overheard by: rhyno

Nothing to Be Ashamed of — It’s Just Wednesday One-Liners

Little girl screaming to mother from bathroom stall: Why do I have to flush every time? Oh, no, I’m stuck! –Indian restaurant Black man singing while peeing at urinal: Oh, Lord, when can I go to heaven? Oh, Lord, when can I go to heaven? [Finishes urinating abruptly.] Thank you, Lord Jesus. Hallelujah! –Staten Island Ferry Guy in stall: I’m an atheist! I’m an atheist! [He shits.] Thank you! Thank you, MLK, for giving me the power! –NYC Main Library Trendy girl in stall: The toilet’s trying to eat my ass! –Morimoto Overheard by: I’d say give a spit polish more than eat 50-ish lady on cell in stall: Hello? In the bathroom… I had to pee-pee, so I’m in the bathroom at Barney’s… Yeah, so the doctor said she might have cancer and she’d have to get a biopsy… Hold on while I wipe. –Barney’s Overheard by: Caryn

Wednesday One-Liners Are Potty Mouths

Man in stall, struggling: Damn you, Taco Bell! –Bathroom, John Jay College Girl on cell in stall: I liked him better when he was homeless. –Bathroom, Lerner Hall, Columbia University Overheard by: Sydney Drunk hipster in stall: Don’t get the kielbasa sandwich. –Club Warsaw, Williamsburg Overheard by: nickporjr Man on cell in stall: Hold on a second, honey. [Biological sounds] Okay, I’m back. Look, there’s no way to say this other than right out. This week together made me think things over. Will you marry me? –Office bathroom, 44th & Lex Overheard by: Tony Drunk girl in stall, to herself: Okay, this time let’s try not to pee all over my jeans. –Cabana, Maritime Hotel Girl in stall: Uggghhh! Fuck… [Panting] Fuck! –Bathroom, Fordham Law School Overheard by: Seriously concerned Guy at urinal: Oh yeah, son! Yeah, I am dominating this shit! –Library Bathroom, Fordham University

Wednesday One-Liners for the Crazy Cat Lady

Guy on cell: I guess you’d rather spend time with your cat than me. That’s cool. –Brooklyn Heights Thug to girl calling for cat: You lost your cat, baby? Shit, this is Brooklyn, there’s so many street cats out here they probably ate your cat. –Franklin & Classon, Prospect Heights Brooklyn Teen, talking about guitars: You can never have too many. They’re like cats. –17th & 8th Girl on cell: Yeah, I want one too, but we should start with a cat and see how that is. You know, play it by ear. –86th & Lexington Overheard by: Is that how it works? Girl: If I looked like a cat’s poop hole I’d still want to be loved… and eaten. –JFK

Wednesday One-liners Spell It “Aminals”