Archive for the ‘Pop Culture’ Category

Meet the Chubby Elle Woods

Girl to boyfriend mocking her for not swiping credit card properly: Ken! Don't you dare make fun of me!! I've had a really hard day!
Ken: Why? What happened?
Girl, choking: I failed my mid-terms. (suddenly swipes her card angrily) All I want right now is my Cosmopolitan and candy bar. That's all I ask of life!

–Store, 59th St & Lexington

Overheard by: Frank S

Wednesdays Are Profoundly One-Linered

Yankees fan to Mets friends: When we go to the Yankees stadium I'll be like a retard at a Chuck E. Cheese.

–Shea Stadium

Overheard by: Danial

Police officer in van, on loudspeaker: Move to the right! (people in cars ignore the order) Retards! You heard me! Move to the right!

–27th St & 10th Ave

Crazy guy, ranting: You can't have sex with people who aren't retarded because they charge too damn much!

–V Train

Overheard by: Ryan P.

Guy to girl: I never said that I wasn't retarded. Technically, I'm not a hypocrite.

–L Train

Overheard by: Julia

Heavily made-up girl: Do you think retarded people are, like, conceptually aware that they're retarded?

–6 Train

Overheard by: You tell me

Girl: The idea of a retarded Jack Russell Terrier is completely foreign to me, because as I recall, Wishbone was exceptionally well-read.

–Columbia University

Non-Recyclable Wednesday One-Liners

Conductor: Please throw away your newspapers and garbage in the trash cans on station platforms and know that the trash cans can only hold two human bodies at a time.

–LIRR

New York Post guy: New York Post! Free New York Post! (hands huge stack of papers to passerby) Thanks, brother. Just throw the rest in the trash can down the block.

–40th & 6th

Carriage driver to horse: You see that chestnut? That's called "Eurotrash."

–Central Park South

Overheard by: Andy

Giant old man to screaming and jumping children: You look like Garbage Pail Kids. Stop it.

–Madison & Nostrand, Brooklyn

Overheard by: g

Conductor: Please place anyone who has become garbage en route in the appropriate receptacle.

–R Train

Overheard by: Jess

Woman walking down the street with a small bag of garbage: Fuck it. (drops bag of garbage nonchalantly, keeps walking)

–W 19th

Maverick Wednesday One-Liners Take on the Washington Establishment

Woman: So my friend was going to vote for Obama, but now, since her boyfriend is from, like, Alaska, she's going to vote for McCain instead.

–Store, 2nd Ave

Woman to friend: Joe says he weighs 145 but he's a Republican. You can't trust anything he says.

–Pinetree Lodge, 35th & 1st

Hobo on street corner: Vote for McCain. Get nuclear rockets shot up your ass and eat moose burgers all day!

–W 3rd & MacDougal St

Overheard by: Matt

60-something woman dressed like teenybopper, talking about Sarah Palin on cell: She proves you can be pretty and smart. She's more than a bulldog in a pantsuit; she's like Alaska Barbie!

–Penn Station

Yuppie dad to whiny daughter: Barack Obama doesn't like it when his daughters whine.

–Caroll Gardens

Middle-aged, white man on cell: Do not call me at this number again. Never call me at this number again. Listen, if you call me at this number again I will, in fact, vote for John McCain.

–Tea Lounge, Cobble Hill

Yo Quiero Wednesday One-Liners

Woman to male teacher: I thought you were a middle aged Latino woman.

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Alex and Colin

Chubby Latino: I don't want to go there. It'll just be a bunch of angry Dominicans throwing tables.

–Cooper Park, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Drunken lady, sitting uninvited at a Hispanic family table: Cinco cuatro cinco… en Chicago. I have a business at 545 Chicago. In Chicago. I am a successful woman. Stay in school, sweetie. Learn your math and arithmetic… Yes, your math, and your arithmetic. And be good to your mommy. You only have one mommy, so be good to her. Alright, ciao, guys. Adios, coco! What? A cab? No, no, I'm fine.

–Pio Pio Restaurant, 91st & 1st

Overheard by: HJWC

Hasidic Jew answering cell: Hola? Hola? Hola!

–30 Rock

Overheard by: Micky

Bespectacled man on cell, walking a dog: And I owe it all to the politically incorrect Frito Bandito.

–Bryant Park

Domo Arigato, Mr. Wednesday One-Liner

Nine-year-old boy: Sometimes I just think I am a robot. I mean, aren't I a robot?

–E 17th & Broadway

Overheard by: definitely human

Tall guy: Yeah, you have to learn not to trust those shifty-eyed robots.

–Union Square

Hipster: And, like, he wasn't even gay… he was just not human.

–88th & Park

Comic book guy: No, not Optimus Prime. But yes, I have had sexual thoughts… about robots.

–40th & 7th

Cute chick: You don't need a sex robot to have sex with a robot.

–Old Town Bar

Overheard by: Lieut. Liplock

New York's Finest Wednesday One-Liners

Black kid after seeing white girl in gym clothes run by: Man, for a second I thought that white girl was running from the cops too!

–Fordham Road, The Bronx

Overheard by: run, white girl, run

Middle-aged black lady yelling on crowded train: Young black men stand the fuck up! Kill the NYPD!

–A Train

Little kid to bus driver, after a police car siren is heard: Whenever I hear a police car siren, I always think that they are getting donuts, 'cause, ya know, cops love donuts, right?

–B41 Bus

Dude: I was playing the new GTA. I drove around looking for my apartment but couldn't find it, so I just shot a bunch of cops.

–Columbus Circle

Cop with M-4 assault rifle (serious voice, on a sunny day): It's raining men out here.

–86th & Lexington

The Bluebirds Who Usually Do It Have the Day Off

Punk girl: So he said he really wants to get me really drunk again.
Punk friend: Why?
Punk girl: Because he said I’m as cute as a Care Bear.
Friend: What the hell does that mean?
Girl: Um, who cares? That’s so sweet… and I didn’t even sleep with him for it. Now help me push up my tits.

–Q Train

Overheard by: Ingss