Archive for the ‘Porn’ Category

So, what are you wearing to the ‘Schindler’s List’ party?

Guy: What is that?
Guy with net: One of those nets for cleaning out pools.
Guy: Let me guess. Pool boy costume? Porn-theme party?
Guy with net: Wow, yeah.
Guy: Been there. –Uptown 1 train Overheard by: Argopelter Headline by: Gary
Runners-Up:
· “And That’s How Me and Your Other Father Met, Timmy.” – Chris
· “Another Touching Father-Son Moment Brought To You By Wicked Entertainment” – Existance is Futile
· “I was just delivering pizza, but they asked me in, and, wow!” – Wasn’t invited
· “I’m not really black – this is toner from the “copier” scene” – Tom Dorey
· “Kato Kaelin: Career Counselor at Large” – Charlie
· “Of Course, I Just Bent Over and Went as a Life Preserver” – Keith
· “Porn theme party? I think I’ll just come in my jeans.” – Effing and Blinding
· “Really? You were an altar boy at St. Mark’s, too?!” – Dave
· “Ron Jeremy’s Sixth Sense” – s h
· “Watch out for a guy dressed as a milkman. He’s bad news” – gravy
· “When he was 6 years old, and watching his mother from the window…” – Nathan
· “Yeah, I went all out and got my CPR card.” – SNA
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Location, Location, Location, Dear Reader

Guy: You don't understand–it doesn't have to be well-written, there doesn't need to be a good plot… It's *porn*!
Woman: No, you're missing my point. If the plot, writing, and characters don't matter, why have them at all? Why not just the sex?
Guy: Oh… That's a really good question, actually.
Woman: But all the inefficient parts are still there, so there's obviously a market value for them.
Guy: Only that they keep me from feeling like a total perv. –Broad St & Beaver

Wednesday-One-Liners Gotta Fight for Their Right

Frat boy on cell: Call me when you get done with your fondue party. I don’t care if it wasn’t your idea. That doesn’t make it right! –12th St & 5th Ave Geeky Columbia freshman: Yeah, we held a Sexyback Party… You know, it was themed like Justin Timberlake. It was a pretty cool concept. –Downtown 1 Train Overheard by: pumpkin College chick: Any party that you have to lube up your hand to get into just isn’t worth it. –Christopher St Bimbette: Because, really, what good is throwing a porn party if you can’t get drunk enough to disregard your butt? –Harlem Overheard by: Argopelter

… For Money

Girl: Are you saying I’m a whore?
Guy: No, no, I’m just saying… [whispers].
Girl: You’re saying I’m a whore!
Guy: No, I’m saying… [whispers].
Girl: I’m a girl who likes to watch porn and what? [Guy whispers.] I like to watch porn and what?
Guy, softly: … Likes to watch porn and have sex. –Menchanko restaurant, 45th & Lex Overheard by: emily

Wednesday On-Liners

Chick on cell: Why did you tell dad about that?…Well, he was going to find out sooner or later when he saw me on the website. –Union Square Female midget: Yeah, they’re installing the internet in my new apartment and apparently they need a computer. –Elevator, ABC building, 66th St Overheard by: Mojosaves World traveler: Really, you can get anything on the streets of Bangkok. Thai prostitutes, smoothies, passport pictures…It’s like Craigslist. –20th & 8th Overheard by: laughing out loud Catholic school girl on cell: Danny, it’s me. I have some bad news. We’re on a break. Call me back when you get this message….[Hangs up and redials] Maria! What am I going to do about my MySpace?! –4th Ave Overheard by: Joe Blonde on cell: Seriously, I love you, but…Seriously…Seriously, you’re an asshole. You’re a dick! Why didn’t you just tell me the fucking truth!…Well, I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry I posted those pictures on MySpace, but…Well, be a fucking man about it and tell me the fucking truth then!…Seriously, I love you. –23rd & 8th Overheard by: wild dog boy Loud guy on cell: So how do I get this done? Do I go on the internet or something?… I want to be able to print my own bounty hunter license immediately. –11th & 6th Suit: When I was working for my old company, all we would do is download porn. –Grand & Varick

Wednesday One-Liners: Unfiltered.

Chick on cell, not visibly pregnant: I'm having a c-section and a cigarette. –Simply Natural, 43rd & 10th Overheard by: Pleased Recurrent drunkard to bar: I'm not a smoker! I'm a libertarian, for fuck's sake! –Peter McMannus Pub LIRR conductor: There will be no pugilism on this train. Additionally, tonight marks the first night of Kwanzaa, and in the spirit of Kwanzaa, I ask you to not smoke on this train. This is the final warning: if you are smoking, you will be ejected at the next convenient stop. Also, no throwing up is allowed on the train. The two places where you may throw up are in the conveniently-located bathrooms, or on yourselves. Again, merry Kwanzaa. –LIRR Overheard by: Jenna K NYU girl: Do you have a cigarette to ease my cough? –Waverly & Mercer Chick: Mad Men is like porn for smokers. –172nd St & Broadway Overheard by: Ladle