Archive for the ‘Porn’ Category

Location, Location, Location, Dear Reader

Guy: You don't understand–it doesn't have to be well-written, there doesn't need to be a good plot… It's *porn*!
Woman: No, you're missing my point. If the plot, writing, and characters don't matter, why have them at all? Why not just the sex?
Guy: Oh… That's a really good question, actually.
Woman: But all the inefficient parts are still there, so there's obviously a market value for them.
Guy: Only that they keep me from feeling like a total perv.

–Broad St & Beaver

Wednesday-One-Liners Gotta Fight for Their Right

Frat boy on cell: Call me when you get done with your fondue party. I don’t care if it wasn’t your idea. That doesn’t make it right!

–12th St & 5th Ave


Geeky Columbia freshman
: Yeah, we held a Sexyback Party… You know, it was themed like Justin Timberlake. It was a pretty cool concept.


–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: pumpkin


College chick
: Any party that you have to lube up your hand to get into just isn’t worth it.


–Christopher St


Bimbette
: Because, really, what good is throwing a porn party if you can’t get drunk enough to disregard your butt?


–Harlem

Overheard by: Argopelter


… For Money

Girl: Are you saying I’m a whore?
Guy: No, no, I’m just saying… [whispers].
Girl: You’re saying I’m a whore!
Guy: No, I’m saying… [whispers].
Girl: I’m a girl who likes to watch porn and what? [Guy whispers.] I like to watch porn and what?
Guy, softly: … Likes to watch porn and have sex.

–Menchanko restaurant, 45th & Lex

Overheard by: emily

Wednesday On-Liners

Chick on cell: Why did you tell dad about that?…Well, he was going to find out sooner or later when he saw me on the website.

–Union Square Female midget: Yeah, they’re installing the internet in my new apartment and apparently they need a computer.

–Elevator, ABC building, 66th St

Overheard by: Mojosaves World traveler: Really, you can get anything on the streets of Bangkok. Thai prostitutes, smoothies, passport pictures…It’s like Craigslist.

–20th & 8th

Overheard by: laughing out loud Catholic school girl on cell: Danny, it’s me. I have some bad news. We’re on a break. Call me back when you get this message….[Hangs up and redials] Maria! What am I going to do about my MySpace?! –4th Ave Overheard by: Joe Blonde on cell: Seriously, I love you, but…Seriously…Seriously, you’re an asshole. You’re a dick! Why didn’t you just tell me the fucking truth!…Well, I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry I posted those pictures on MySpace, but…Well, be a fucking man about it and tell me the fucking truth then!…Seriously, I love you. –23rd & 8th Overheard by: wild dog boy Loud guy on cell: So how do I get this done? Do I go on the internet or something?… I want to be able to print my own bounty hunter license immediately. –11th & 6th Suit: When I was working for my old company, all we would do is download porn. –Grand & Varick

Wednesday One-Liners: Unfiltered.

Chick on cell, not visibly pregnant: I'm having a c-section and a cigarette.

–Simply Natural, 43rd & 10th

Overheard by: Pleased

Recurrent drunkard to bar: I'm not a smoker! I'm a libertarian, for fuck's sake!

–Peter McMannus Pub

LIRR conductor: There will be no pugilism on this train. Additionally, tonight marks the first night of Kwanzaa, and in the spirit of Kwanzaa, I ask you to not smoke on this train. This is the final warning: if you are smoking, you will be ejected at the next convenient stop. Also, no throwing up is allowed on the train. The two places where you may throw up are in the conveniently-located bathrooms, or on yourselves. Again, merry Kwanzaa.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Jenna K

NYU girl: Do you have a cigarette to ease my cough?

–Waverly & Mercer

Chick: Mad Men is like porn for smokers.

–172nd St & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Wednesday-One-Liners Get a Pacific Rim Job

Skinny Asian man to large black woman: You too fat!

–4 train

Overheard by: LP


Cultured concert connoisseur
: I think this girl was from California. She spoke Asian and Spanish.


–Webster Hall

Overheard by: ak


Hipster, sitting next to Asian women
: Awesome. Asians have tiny asses!


–R train, Canal St

Overheard by: Matt Hartwick


Hipster chick
: Asians eat the darndest things.


–Lower East Side

Overheard by: Lesley


Asian fag hag
: Of course it doesn’t sound right! I’m a girl doing gay porn!


–West Village

Overheard by: megan


Asian woman suit
: I’m really just tired of being a mobster.


–Wall St & Nassau


Hobo lady to Asian-looking girl
: If I speak in your language, will you give me some money? Heeeyyyaaah! Karate chop!


–44th St & Lex

Overheard by: Made my morning


Crotchless Wednesday One-Liners

Woman on cell: This is the same girl who has G-strings where her forks and knives should go.

–2nd St & Ave B

Salesgirl: Do you want your boobies up or down?

–Victoria’s Secret, Manhattan Mall

Overheard by: Linda

Woman: I told Terrence not to pack that stuff in my carry-on. Security threw out all my Victoria Secrets!

–Starbucks, La Guardia airport

Overheard by: Allears

Girl: Only fat girls and porn stars wear Ds. I want to be a C!

–Victoria’s Secret, 57th St

Man: Do you want to get some maternity underwear to make you feel sexy?

–Greene St & Prince St

Overheard by: deadzebra

Man: Are you a Jehovah’s Witness? ‘Cause I don’t want you comin’ to my house unless you’re going to drop your panties!

–PATH train

Overheard by: blkgirl

Girl on cell: Dad? Hi. I just bought a lot of panties at Victoria’s Secret. Can you reimburse me? Dad?

–Broadway & Prince St

Overheard by: djingo