Archive for the ‘Porn’ Category

Wednesday On-Liners

Chick on cell: Why did you tell dad about that?…Well, he was going to find out sooner or later when he saw me on the website. –Union Square Female midget: Yeah, they’re installing the internet in my new apartment and apparently they need a computer. –Elevator, ABC building, 66th St Overheard by: Mojosaves World traveler: Really, you can get anything on the streets of Bangkok. Thai prostitutes, smoothies, passport pictures…It’s like Craigslist. –20th & 8th Overheard by: laughing out loud Catholic school girl on cell: Danny, it’s me. I have some bad news. We’re on a break. Call me back when you get this message….[Hangs up and redials] Maria! What am I going to do about my MySpace?! –4th Ave Overheard by: Joe Blonde on cell: Seriously, I love you, but…Seriously…Seriously, you’re an asshole. You’re a dick! Why didn’t you just tell me the fucking truth!…Well, I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry I posted those pictures on MySpace, but…Well, be a fucking man about it and tell me the fucking truth then!…Seriously, I love you. –23rd & 8th Overheard by: wild dog boy Loud guy on cell: So how do I get this done? Do I go on the internet or something?… I want to be able to print my own bounty hunter license immediately. –11th & 6th Suit: When I was working for my old company, all we would do is download porn. –Grand & Varick

Wednesday One-Liners: Unfiltered.

Chick on cell, not visibly pregnant: I'm having a c-section and a cigarette. –Simply Natural, 43rd & 10th Overheard by: Pleased Recurrent drunkard to bar: I'm not a smoker! I'm a libertarian, for fuck's sake! –Peter McMannus Pub LIRR conductor: There will be no pugilism on this train. Additionally, tonight marks the first night of Kwanzaa, and in the spirit of Kwanzaa, I ask you to not smoke on this train. This is the final warning: if you are smoking, you will be ejected at the next convenient stop. Also, no throwing up is allowed on the train. The two places where you may throw up are in the conveniently-located bathrooms, or on yourselves. Again, merry Kwanzaa. –LIRR Overheard by: Jenna K NYU girl: Do you have a cigarette to ease my cough? –Waverly & Mercer Chick: Mad Men is like porn for smokers. –172nd St & Broadway Overheard by: Ladle

Wednesday-One-Liners Get a Pacific Rim Job

Skinny Asian man to large black woman: You too fat! –4 train Overheard by: LP Cultured concert connoisseur: I think this girl was from California. She spoke Asian and Spanish. –Webster Hall Overheard by: ak Hipster, sitting next to Asian women: Awesome. Asians have tiny asses! –R train, Canal St Overheard by: Matt Hartwick Hipster chick: Asians eat the darndest things. –Lower East Side Overheard by: Lesley Asian fag hag: Of course it doesn’t sound right! I’m a girl doing gay porn! –West Village Overheard by: megan Asian woman suit: I’m really just tired of being a mobster. –Wall St & Nassau Hobo lady to Asian-looking girl: If I speak in your language, will you give me some money? Heeeyyyaaah! Karate chop! –44th St & Lex Overheard by: Made my morning

Crotchless Wednesday One-Liners

Woman on cell: This is the same girl who has G-strings where her forks and knives should go. –2nd St & Ave B Salesgirl: Do you want your boobies up or down? –Victoria’s Secret, Manhattan Mall Overheard by: Linda Woman: I told Terrence not to pack that stuff in my carry-on. Security threw out all my Victoria Secrets! –Starbucks, La Guardia airport Overheard by: Allears Girl: Only fat girls and porn stars wear Ds. I want to be a C! –Victoria’s Secret, 57th St Man: Do you want to get some maternity underwear to make you feel sexy? –Greene St & Prince St Overheard by: deadzebra Man: Are you a Jehovah’s Witness? ‘Cause I don’t want you comin’ to my house unless you’re going to drop your panties! –PATH train Overheard by: blkgirl Girl on cell: Dad? Hi. I just bought a lot of panties at Victoria’s Secret. Can you reimburse me? Dad? –Broadway & Prince St Overheard by: djingo

Because I May Have Missed the Best Part

Bimbette #1: So, my mom was watching that Saddam Hussein guy get hung.
Bimbette #2: Oh my god! I couldn’t bear to see something that graphic! Ugh! I can’t believe they would air something like that.
Bimbette #1: Oh, dude I know… And to top it off, she was all, ‘This is like a bad gay porno, because he is so fucked’!
Bimbette #2: Wait, who are we talking about, again? –Subway station, 30th Ave

Wednesday One-Liner’s Parents Used the TV as a Sitter

Hard hat: This is my idea, okay? Seriously, don’t try and steal it, because I think I can make this happen. Ready? The Fab Five visit Dog the Bounty Hunter’s show, and they give Dog and his whole crew a makeover. –Construction site, 26th & 6th Overheard by: Big Perm Black aesthetician, discussing Flavor of Love: I know that show’s gonna set my people back 50 years, but I just gotta watch it. –Staff room, NYC Day Spa, 57th between 5th & 6th Overheard by: massage therapist lurking nearby Jock: Last night we were so wasted we got naked and mounted the ram….and then watched Fraggle Rock. –Rose Hill Cafeteria, Fordham College student: Watching Dawson’s Creek is like studying for the SATs. –St. John’s University Nerdy teen: Oh my God, a refrigerator with a television in it. My life’s dream has just been realized. –Best Buy, 23rd & 6th Overheard by: nicolette Amateur media scholar: It’s not called Lost because they’re lost. It’s called Lost because the audience can’t follow it. –R train 20-Something guy to his date: But if you don’t have a television, how do you watch porn? –Koi, 40th & 6th Overheard by: UniqueNY

Wednesday One-Liners Stay One Lesson Ahead

Professor to unresponsive class: So, how do you know when a scene is over? Yeah, you just know, like porn. –Sarah Lawrence College Professor: Don’t mess with Socratic ninjas. –NYU Law Professor to silent class: Come on, what do you think? Someone say something. It’s kind of like sex. Sometimes you don’t want to do it, but you have to do what you have to do. –Columbia University Professor: I was whipped by a crazed dwarf in a cave for a month! Then I married him! –Fordham University Overheard by: Ali Professor turning off powerpoint: And now we kick it old school. –NYU Cantor Overheard by: Jesse SVA professor: Woo, I’m so jazzed today — it’s like I’m on crystal meth! [Students laugh.] No, seriously, I never did crystal meth! Speed, sure. Quaaludes, of course, but not crystal meth. Never. Nope. Oxycodone, maybe. –SVA building Overheard by: SUSAN Professor: The Native Americans even have biological differences… except for the Native Americans of Australia. –History class, Hunter College Overheard by: tanechka