Archive for the ‘Porn’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Are Here to Fix the Cable… (Bow Chicka Bow Wow!)

Midwestern tourist woman walking into trashy store: I hope this isn't a porn shop!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Jingles

30-something woman on cell: I'm not bringing the baby to the porn convention!

–Hilton Theater

Man on phone: Did you say "corn" or "porn"?

–Onion News Network

Overheard by: Kaze

Man to wife: Don't worry, I don't need to upgrade. That's what porn is for!

–40th & Broadway

Overheard by: mel

…The Naked Version.

Mother to tween daughter, smiling: So I heard you saw a porn film with Tina* and her mother?
Daughter: Yeah, we went into Bruno and decided to leave after five minuets.
Mother: What did you end up doing?
Daughter: We saw Ice Age instead.

–ShopRite

Overheard by: Carrie

Location, Location, Location, Dear Reader

Guy: You don't understand–it doesn't have to be well-written, there doesn't need to be a good plot… It's *porn*!
Woman: No, you're missing my point. If the plot, writing, and characters don't matter, why have them at all? Why not just the sex?
Guy: Oh… That's a really good question, actually.
Woman: But all the inefficient parts are still there, so there's obviously a market value for them.
Guy: Only that they keep me from feeling like a total perv.

–Broad St & Beaver

Wednesday One-Liners Don't Give a Cluck

Extremely tall black woman watching video excerpt of porn star Marilyn Chambers "self pleasuring": Huh, looks like she's cleaning out a chicken.

–Museum of Sex, 5th Ave

Very round and fat short woman on cell: Next time ya come down to Astoria bring me some ribs! (girlishly) Bring me some chicken or some ribs. (pause) Wellll, bring some tomorra! (pause) I'll be lickin' my fingas at 4:30 in the mornin'!

–N Train

Overheard by: I want some ribs too

Suit on cell: So, the chicken comes out of its cage, and then it picks your fortune!

–Baxter St & Walker St

Overheard by: Kristin

High school girl: I'm sorry, but I was really high, and the chicken was just sitting there in the fridge. I mean, would you think someone's a bad person who kills someone when they're drunk? (pause) Let's pretend I didn't say that.

–86 St

Lady on cell: They eat the same thing all the time. Every single day it's curried chicken, white rice, curried chicken, white rice. I just want a damn sushi burger!

–Downtown F Train

Gay guy dressed in black with painted red hair: So fuck it. I'm gonna make a fetish costume for a chicken!

–11st St & 3rd Ave

What Is Art? Are We Art? Are Wednesday One-Liners Art?

Older gay guy on cell: In the 60s, you didn't need to have passion or talent to be an artist; you just needed to have a van, because no one else was going to haul your shitty art around.

–7th Ave & 14th St

Overheard by: Miss C

Girl reading sign at Frank Lloyd Wright museum: Oh… He was an architect!

–Guggenheim Museum

Overheard by: Antartic

Mom to little girl: If you look at too much art in one day, you'll turn into a statue.

–MoMA

Guy on phone: Yeah, she said she didn't think I would want to go, but why the fuck not? I'll go to a fucking museum if I fucking want to. I'll look at some paintings and shit.

–Downtown Brooklyn

Overheard by: Mark McLaughlin

12-year-old boy, looking at Picasso paintings: This is totally my thing, man, it's like free porn.

–MoMA

The iTouch App We've All Been Waiting for

Blonde #1: I just got my boobs done!
Blonde #2: Oh, wow! They're so cute!
Blonde #1: They don't look too big or rock hard, do they? They hurt so much, I feel like a damn porn star!
Blonde #2: No, they look awesome!
Blonde #1: Wanna feel them?
Blonde #2: (squeezes friend's boobs)

–Apple Store, 14th St

Overheard by: Susie