Customer: How you doin’?
Postal worker: I’m working harder than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.
Customer: Sounds pretty bad.
Postal worker: Well, it’s better than my mother. She used to say she was working harder than a one-legged whore working both sides of the street.
–Grand Central Post Office, 45th & Lex
Archive for the ‘Post Office’ Category
By Extrapolation from Existing Data
Black postman #1: Kiss my black ass!
Black postman #2: How do you know that it’s black?
–Forest Hills post office
I Was Hoping for Fucked-up Stallion
Thug #1: Yo, son, yo’ face looks like a fucked-up pony, son!
Thug #2: Shit, son.
–Post office, 60th St
Better Save the ‘Two Washingtons’ Story for Tomorrow
Clerk: Sir, you need to fill out a customs form for that.
Man: What? Why? This is in America.
Clerk: Sir, it’s North America, but Oregon is not in the US.
Man: Yes, it is. It’s in the northwest.
Clerk: Really? Are you sure? Oh.
–Post office, 99 Macombs Pl
Stop Licking Him — You Don’t Know Where He’s Been!
Six-year-old to guy stranger while hiding behind mother on cell: Hi.
20-something guy: Hello…
Six-year-old, grabbing guy’s hand: Hi.
20 something guy, confused: Hello…
Six-year-old to mom: I picked one!
Mom: You picked what? No! I told you that you could pick out the stamps, not a person! Put him back!
–Post office
Overheard by: Put back
Billion to One Odds Says God Doesn’t Agree
Old lady: Your dog is beautiful!
Young lady: Than–
Old lady: It’s terrible what they do to those dogs in China. I won’t even say but it’s awful…Chinese people don’t even deserve to live.
–Sunnyside post office
My Guess? Lonely Man Mails Self Open Parcel
Guy: Why is that package open?
Clerk: I can’t open it.
Guy: It’s already opened, why is it open?
Clerk: Sir, I’m not allowed to open it. If you want it, sign the card.
Guy: I want to know why it’s open, is anything in it?
Clerk: I can’t open it.
3 minutes of this ensue.
Guy: Just give me the stupid package.
Clerk: Why are you still talking?
–Sunnyside post office