Archive for the ‘Preachers’ Category

Maybe She's Born with It? Maybe It's Wednesday One-Liner.

Guy preaching on subway: I noticed I would always get hit on by beautiful women when I was with a woman, so I started hanging out with lesbians, and now we pick up women together.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Alexis

Panhandler going through train: God bless you, will anyone spare some money? God bless you, damm! You have a pretty white girlfriend.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Jackie

Woman giving out free loot: You girls are so pretty, want some condoms?

–Grand Central Station

Hobo: Why do rich men get to marry all the pretty girls, kill them, and get away with it?

–125th St

Trashed girl, coming out of bathroom: I hate when guys say, "you're pretty enough."

–Bar 9, 54th & 9th

Overheard by: Ladle

Big slobby schlub, loudly talking to buddy: So, she was about to become another disposable pretty girl.

–W 66th St

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Rambling crazy man: All of you women look beautiful, but in the end, y'all still have to take a shit!

–L Train

Overheard by: The City Planner

Wednesday One-Liners Click “It’s Complicated”

Chick: It’s about your cyber personality, and if your cyber personality doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me on Facebook, that’s okay!

–NYU Hayden Staircase

Coed: I don’t know… if Sheryl* with the two kids by the two different baby-daddies can have a good MySpace, I think pretty much anyone should be able to do it.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: ImmaculatePizza

Hipster girl: It looks like MySpace exploded in there!

–The Knitting Factory, 74 Leonard St

Overheard by: Cassie

20-something girl: So, the quadriplegic I hooked up with added me as a friend on Facebook last night.

–Chipotle, 51st & 8th

Geek prophet: No one is ever away from Google, really.

–Near Holland Tunnel

Overheard by: Claire H.

Angry chick, to boyfriend: Look, I’m not changing my Facebook status!

–6th & Ave A

Overheard by: Kremilyse

30-ish woman: I said I wouldn’t date him ’til he gets rid of the typos on his MySpace profile… Am I a snob?

–Tom’s Diner, Morningside Heights

Overheard by: ball-and-veining tool

These Are My Wednesday One-Liners, in Whom I Am Well-Pleased

Seated proselytizer: Jesus walked through walls without using the door, and when Jesus touches you, he is inside you and you become like Jesus. So, if you do something to me, I don’t need the police. I can just come to your house, because I can get in without keys.

–1 train

Overheard by: thaler

Mexican preacher: Statistics show one in one person will die.

–Times Square

Overheard by: soccerking3t

Religious nut: You have to accept God! His holy grace! His saving grace! He’s got all kinds of grace!

–Grand Central

Bible-thumper: There’s no way if you wrap citric acid, cola, and carbonation in aluminum foil and stick in in the fridge for a million years it’s ever going to evolve into a Coke!

–Tompkins Square Park

Preacher: The best thing you can have on your resume when you die is not that you went to Harvard, not that you have a Ph.D., but that you have eternal life.

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: God requires a resume?

Jesus Doesn’t Keep Flecking Our Faces with Spit

Subway preacher, after incoherent rant: So, can I get a ‘Hallelujah’? [Passengers silent.] Well, then can I get a ‘Thank you, Jesus!’? [Passengers silent.] Okay, then. Now I’m just going to talk to the born-again Christians on this train. Everybody else can ignore me — just like you’re ignoring Jesus!

–4 train

Overheard by: JVM