Archive for the ‘Preachers’ Category

The Management Will Address Your Concerns on February 30th

Preacher woman: They say, if you see something, say something — if you see a suspicious package, say something! Well, Hell is a suspicious package!
Commuter: Since it’s about a hundred and forty degrees down here, I’d say this was Hell. Who can I speak to about it?

–2/3 station, Fulton St

Overheard by: Karen Maria

Jesus Doesn’t Keep Flecking Our Faces with Spit

Subway preacher, after incoherent rant: So, can I get a ‘Hallelujah’? [Passengers silent.] Well, then can I get a ‘Thank you, Jesus!’? [Passengers silent.] Okay, then. Now I’m just going to talk to the born-again Christians on this train. Everybody else can ignore me — just like you’re ignoring Jesus!

–4 train

Overheard by: JVM

These Are My Wednesday One-Liners, in Whom I Am Well-Pleased

Seated proselytizer: Jesus walked through walls without using the door, and when Jesus touches you, he is inside you and you become like Jesus. So, if you do something to me, I don’t need the police. I can just come to your house, because I can get in without keys.

–1 train

Overheard by: thaler

Mexican preacher: Statistics show one in one person will die.

–Times Square

Overheard by: soccerking3t

Religious nut: You have to accept God! His holy grace! His saving grace! He’s got all kinds of grace!

–Grand Central

Bible-thumper: There’s no way if you wrap citric acid, cola, and carbonation in aluminum foil and stick in in the fridge for a million years it’s ever going to evolve into a Coke!

–Tompkins Square Park

Preacher: The best thing you can have on your resume when you die is not that you went to Harvard, not that you have a Ph.D., but that you have eternal life.

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: God requires a resume?

Easter Isn’t Just About Cadbury Creme Eggs

Dealer: I got ecstacy, I got crystal meth, I got hydro…OK, y’all have a nice holiday. –Washington Square park Overheard by: Mark Asch Street Preacher: Have you found Jesus?!
Guy #1: Why? Did you lose him?
Street Preacher: Have you found your Lord, our Savior, Jesus Christ?
Guy #2: Next time, try using better fucking nails! –42nd & 8th Overheard by: eb Guy: I think her Easter eggs say “Satan” on them. –27th Street office