Archive for the ‘Preggers’ Category

Wednesday's Great With One-Liners

Eight-year-old girl, singing: Fat lips, big lips, get your pregnant lips here! –6 Train Out-of-breath man on steps: Okay, man, breathe. Breathe like you're having your first child! –W4 Subway Overheard by: Keep Pushing On! Pregnant woman on cell: So, yeah, I'm about 5 centimeters dilated, so I'm going to get a Tasti D-Lite and then go to the hospital. –Rockefeller Center Hot skinny, Asian girl to hot, skinny, blonde friends: So, am I going to get pregnant this month or what? –57th & Park Overheard by: would have liked to help her Girl on phone: Okay, so I got the pregnancy test and the vodka. We'll see which one wins. –6 Train

Pretend to Enjoy It and You Can Have the Whole Cup

Boyfriend: Mmmm… Coffee…
Preggers girlfriend: What?! You got coffee? Give me a sip…
Boyfriend: No, baby… No caffeine for you…
Preggers girlfriend, trying to wrestle cup away: Just a sip? Pleeease?!
Boyfriend: No! Bad for the baby…
Preggers girlfriend: I’ll suck your dick for a sip! [Boyfriend immediately hands the cup over.] –Times Square Overheard by: Mike

I Can’t Wait Not to Have One of My Own

Chick #1: Dude, everyone’s popping out babies these days. JLo, TomKat, Britney. It’s like they’re the new fucking accessory.
Chick #2: Yeah, who wants a fucking baby anyway? You just turn into a fatass with stretch marks and saggy tits with a screaming infant who no one wants to be around.
Very pregnant passenger: I’m due in two weeks.
Chick #1: Aww! Is it a boy or a girl? –F train

Wednesday One-Liners Want Angelina Jolie to Adopt Them

Large black woman to another: So I said to him, "Muthafucka, don't you know a baby comes out of that shit? Ain't nothing you got down there gonna hurt me!" –Fulton St Old man with thick Russian accent: It is fresher than a baby's bottom! –Ave M & E 16th, Brooklyn Ghetto black guy on phone: Nah, I was locked up, but I'm out now, and she's tryin' to say it's my baby, but that shit ain't mine. –Downtown 2 Train Man on cell, passing adorable child playing with dog: I love fucking babies! –10th & 53rd Puerto Rican girl to pregnant friend: You feel like you have to poop, but that's just the baby. –36th St & 34th Ave, Astoria Overheard by: Bryan Bruner Conductor: Ma'am, please step off the ramp platform and wait until it is safe. (pause) Miss, you're having a frickin' baby, get off the ramp! (she does) Thank you. –Metro-North Rail Tracks Overheard by: Theonlyonewhoseemedtonotice Teenage mother to friends, running to catch subway: Last one gets the baby! –Broadway Overheard by: Francisco S. Ramírez