Archive for the ‘Preppies’ Category

Hey, Boys and Girls, It's Wednesday One-Liner Time!

30-something blonde in office attire on cell: You need to tell Vanessa that she can't be on the show because she's not overweight enough, and s not unattractive enough.

–Whole Foods Market, Chelsea

Syracuse University girl, going up escalator: I feel like I'm in Star Trek! (begins humming Indiana Jones theme)

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Mickey

20-something gaysian: Yeah, he watches Hannah Montana so I don't get why he makes fun of me for watching iCarly!

–Washington Square Park

Teen: I watched I Love Lucy last night. She's funny; she's like the Jim Carrey of the 1920s or something.

–UA School of Music and Art

20-something preppy kid to mother: You know, they really should have a reality show about Midtown.

–54th St b/w 1st & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Pedro

Wednesday One-Liners Grow Hair on Their Palms

Preppy guy to preppy friends: So then she's throwing these nerf balls at me while I'm furiously beating off on her couch…

–Chinatown

Girl: Masturbation's not really my thing, but I need to be more self-sufficient.

–N Train

Angst 20-something on cell: Ya, I miss riding my bike, it made my ass look so good… Fuck! I just want to go home, smoke some weed, and masturbate.

–Central Park

Overheard by: kate

Guy: I hope this bus gets caught in a traffic jam! (looks down out of window) You may see people jacking off in their cars.

–MegaBus, Top Deck

Overheard by: EuropanGal

20-something girl on cell: Yeah, he's a big dork. Ya know what else he uses? Calculators. But that's just to masturbate.

–Macdougal & 4th

Overheard by: Billy H.

Young women on cell: Oh. My. God! You will never guess who got married! (pause) The masturbator!

–Bryant Park

Wednesday One-Liners Won't Eat in a Restaurant Called “Ma's”

Nine-year-old boy to mother, forlornly: In five days, it will be two weeks since we last ate in a restaurant.

–75th & Amsterdam

Jewish girl with heavy New York accent: So when we went to the South we ate at a waffle house, aka the most amazing experience ever! Everyone there was missing at least two teeth!

–Baruch College

Overheard by: kteezy

Man on cell: What the fuck was in that Chipotle last night?

–Hell's Kitchen

Overheard by: Steve

Preppy teenage boy to friend: Dude, so then I took her to Applebee's. She thought it was so romantic–like "Can You Feel the Love Tonight?" status.

–Hunter

Overheard by: Hakuna Matata

No Wednesday One-Liner, No Love

50-something beefy man in wife beater on cell: Yo! I've got a bag of condoms and Jolly Ranchers!

–14th & 6th

Overheard by: Funky Monkey

Preppy girl to friend on phone: I mean… I've had to take Plan B twice this week already!

–2nd Ave & 9th

Drunken street vendor: Buy these Obama condoms! Flavored with hope, they'll get you through "hard" times!

–Times Square

Woman on cell: I got home to take a shower and he stuffs a bunch of condoms in his pocket right in front of me and then walks out the door. I mean what the hell is that?

–Astor Place

Man to woman on escalator: Well, just next time, remember to use protection!

–Babies"R"Us, Union Square

Overheard by: miziz

He Won't Even Use Old Ones to Line His Bird's Cage

Wanna-be preppy: Hey! Is that the newspaper?
Slacker: Yeah.
Wanna-be preppy: Let's have a look at it.
(slacker throws paper into locker and locks locker)
Wanna-be preppy
: Aw, why did you do that?

Slacker: I can't let you see it. It's not mine.
Wanna-be preppy: Whose is it?
Slacker: My girlfriend's brother. He's really sensitive…
Wanna-be preppy: Really sensitive about the newspaper?

–Midtown

Overheard by: Kane