Archive for the ‘President’ Category

My Ass is Voting for the President

NYU Girl: I saw her on the subway. She was wearing pink Ugg boots, bright pink stockings, a short skirt and a ton of eyeliner, and then she turns around and I see that she’s got a Bush/Cheney sticker slapped across her ass!
NYU Guy: Well, that’s a moment when you want to ask her Who do you work for, and how much are they paying you to do this? –Broadway & East 9th Street

The Alien Autopsy Of Wednesday One-Liners

Seven-year old boy to bookseller: Do you have any books on crop circles in this library?

–Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: Amused bookseller a few feet away

Man to another: Don't you know? All those tunnels in Afghanistan run into the pyramids in Gaza! If I was President there would be one less pyramid.

–Soup Kitchen, Midtown

Overheard by: John Gordon

Gentleman on train: You know why they invented daylight savings, don't you? It's because of Halloween, a lot of congressmen wanted kids to have an extra hour to go trick or treating. That's why we have daylight savings.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Annie

Elderly professor: Fewer chairs, less chalk every week. It's a conspiracy!

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Denali