Archive for the ‘President’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners for Black History Month

Russian woman to Russian friend: I want to see Notorious because it's about black people. –Regal Cinema, 13th & Broadway High school boy: Hey, look–a black kid! –B1 Bus Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman Black guy: Don't worry, its alright! I'm not that black! I haven't mugged anybody in two weeks, and I love all white people under six feet tall! –Time Square Overheard by: Jennie Middle-aged black woman, to no one in particular: That George W. Bush! He walks like an arrogant black man! –Queens Overheard by: BigFatTiger Nerdy Jewish guy: I don't know what went wrong. I should be a black girl by now! –Queens College

We're All Nine Meals Away from Being Wednesday One-Liners

Black hobo to rush-hour crowd: So, did ya' hear now Obama's president they gonna tear down the Statue of Liberty? Yeah, they gonna put up a new statue–one o' Aunt Jemima!" –Shuttle Train GCT Overheard by: Mrs. Butterworth Hobo: Hey, kids! I wish I was a kid again. Then I'd have a hundred million dollars! –Henry St, Brooklyn Heights Overheard by: Jesse Hobo to clerk: Don't worry, baby, I'll take care of the Gaza Strip. –Deli, 45th & 3rd Overheard by: LP Hobo to girl with boxing gloves attached to her backpack: Hi, there! Give a little money to help the homeless? (silence) I'll take anything but a punch in the face! –Astor & Lafayette Overheard by: Andi C. Shouting hobo: The family that scratches their butts together has smelly fingers! –34th St & 3rd Ave Overheard by: Kramer Hobo crossing street and pushing shopping cart: Hi ho Silver! –23rd St & Park Ave

It's Wednesday One-Liners, Paleface!

Guy to friend: When Obama wins, I'm going to slap a white person. –Central Park Bench Overheard by: Lane Lady getting sprayed with perfume by her friend: Stop. Stop it! You gonna make me smell like white people. –East Drive, Prospect Park Overheard by: White smelly jogger Black gay man sans shirt, upon seeing group of white girls wandering: Oh my god, white girls! Oh, I didn't mean it like that. –Christopher St Gentleman walking past Miss Mamie's Spoonbread Too restaurant: Man, black people eating tofu, white people eating spoonbread… –W 110th & Columbus Gingy, referring to ebony colored condoms: This way, when I fuck a white boy he'll still be black! –E Broadway 99 Cent Store Black lady in african garb: Too many white flower! Need more black power! (the only white girl around looks up confusedly, now black lady screams in her face) White flower! –125th & Adam Clayton Powell Overheard by: Ruby

Patsy Cline Sings Wednesday One-liners

Hobo: July 31st! July 31st is the deadline, everyone! You must write your letters of apology to Bush or he’ll drop another bomb in the ocean and you can say “Good-bye” to Sri Lanka! –17th & 8th Overheard by: Edwin Lam Crazy guy: Son of a bitch! Why is it so hard to find true love? Don’t look at me like that. You want quiet? Go to the library. You think I want your money? I don’t need your money! Look at all these dollar bills on my pants! If I want money, I just peel one off. –6 train Crazy guy: Fuck you and your stupid leg. You fucking cunt! Cunt! Cunt! –L train Overheard by: Jonathan Farbowitz Drunk old Black guy: …people, we got these rhythms… rhythms that just don’t connect. I got rhythms, and you girls have got rhythms, but can we dance together? No, no…we can’t. That’s what happened when the Black man came to America, babies. Black and white, we just can’t dance, babies. But you girls should dance with me. –13th & 6th Crazy shirtless guy: Order in the court! Order in the court! Y’all is not guilty. Now get the hell outta here! –Port Authority Hobo: Does anybody on this bus have change for 36 nickels? –M60 bus Overheard by: Oz Skinner

Wednesday Puts Its One-Liners on One Leg at a Time

Guy on cell: In a wig, with his pants down, watching her from his car. –33rd St, Astoria Overheard by: Ferna Teen to another: Barack Obama said, "pull your pants up!" –Broadway & 72nd St NYU girl: I wanna do it, and I wanna do it in my pants box. –Weinstein Hall, NYU Border's employee to man sleeping in chair: Sir, could you please wake up? …and also zip up your pants. –Borders Guy on phone: Well, I guess I thought you might be kind of gay after you invited me to that "no pants" party. –Astoria

Swirl Was Always My Favorite Kind Of Soft-Serve Ice Cream

Black hobo to young tourist couple with baby: Mmmmmmmmmmm… That's a nice lookin' baby! You must've done good that night… or morning. (laughs)
Father: Uh… haha… yeah.
Black hobo: I need to find me a white lady so I can make me a Barack Obama. Mmm-hmm! –Uptown 6 Train Overheard by: Emily

That Makes Judah Benjamin the First Neocon

Girl: Independence Day? I don’t believe people are celebrating it this year, what with the war and everything!
Guy: Yeah…
Girl: I mean people want to celebrate like everything is fine, while we have the worst President ever in office fucking everything up!
Guy: I wouldn’t say that…
Girl: What? How can you say that? Name another President who has done more to fuck up this country?
Guy: Well, we will always have Jefferson Davis. –Park Slope