Archive for the ‘President’ Category

Unless I Wore the Ronald Reagan Mask.

Guy trying to sell condoms with Obama on them: Obama condoms, folks! Only $5!
Teenage girl #1: I bet those are good for hard times!
Teenage girl #2: That's the kind of stimulus package I'm talkin' bout!
Teenage girl #1: Oh my god! You should get some for you and Bobby!
Teenage girl #2: No way! He's a Republican! He wouldn't fuck me for a whole week if I asked him to wear one!!

–Battery Park

Overheard by: i bought 2 of those.

…According to the Daily Scramble in The Crackpot Times

African-American preacher: Everybody singing about Obama. Obaaaaammma. Obaaaaaaama. Obama ain't black, learn the truth, Obama is Al-Qaeda. Obama is Muslim. You know how Obama got them black man lips from smoking them Marlboro cigarettes.
Traditionally-dressed African-American man: You don't know what you're talking about, motherfucker. You were brainwashed by the white man.
African-American preacher: That's racist! The bible doesn't see in black and white. Obama's a homo! Obama's a baby killer!

–2 Train

Wednesday One-Liners with a Reservoir Tip

Girl on cell: I don't need anything else. I've got 20 dollars, my phone, and a condom.

–11th & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Alex

Flamboyant boy on cell: Wait, where are you? What are you doing? Please tell me you'll wear a condom. (pause, then boy's face grows increasingly horrified) Several condoms.

–Dining Hall, NYU

Street vendor next to hot dog vendor: Get your Obama condoms! They go great with a pretzel!

–Times Square

Overheard by: not another tourist

15-year-old girl: Damn, nigga, I hope you flushed the condom, cuz they be using turkey basters for other shit now. They be taking the condom from the trash can and suck up the cum and put it in theyselves. I know, cuz I messed with a few niggaz who be telling me and I learn in sex ed!

–74 Bus, Staten Island

Because Obama Totally Seems Like the Type Of Guy Who Listens to Rap

Obese black man #1 playing loud obscene rap song: What she looking at? (points to two old Russian women at the front of bus) Man, these white people. Don't they know this is a free fuckin' country?
Obese black man #2: Yeah, I'm tellin you, now that Obama's elected, white people are gonna know what the fuck's up.

–Q63 Bus

Overheard by: filemeunder

Wednesday One-Liners for Ralph Nader… Not!

Sorority chick leaving a democratic rally where hillary clinton spoke: God, they all sounded so political!

–Wagner College

5 year-old boy (to his mother): Is it true that obama's going to raise taxes?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Jen

Woman on cell: I'm trying to find joe sixpack. (pause) no, I don't know joe sixpack.

–98th & Broadway

Several middle-aged, wealthy #40 something upper east side ladies at the dinner table next to us at a french restaurant, discussing politics. The last point on sarah palin: "her hair's fine, her glasses are fine, her clothes are ok but I'm sorry, she's a fucking loser."

–Jacques Brasserie — Upper East Side

Overheard by: Lindsey Miller

Drunk girl: "if lil' wayne was president, things would be running much more smoothly."

–E Houston St & Lafayette St,

Overheard by: Teddy

"my cousin said that obama is the antichrist."
(pause).
"that's mad rude, right?"


–M66

Overheard by: Charley