Man Urinating Publicly: What do I care? I’m a convict! –Waverly Place Overheard by: Todd Seavey
Archive for the ‘Prison’ Category
“Well, at least no one overheard us.”
Drunk Suit #1: You do realize that we’re going to jail for this, right?
Drunk Suit #2: Yeah, I know.
Drunk Suit #1: I mean, Powers is dead!
–Dock’s Oyster Bar, 40th & 3rd
Overheard by: Greg Rutter
I Also Learned to Like Other Things
Guy #1: Did you know that I never liked broccoli until I went to jail?
Guy #2: Is it your favorite meal?
Guy #1: Of course!
–Porto-bello, Thompson Street
It Would Be Thoughtful If He Did
Lady Lawyer: He says, ‘She doesn’t appreciate me.’ Come on, you’re in prison. What’s she going to appreciate, that you made her a personalized license plate? –Starbucks, Wall St.
You Mean Besides Jerking Off?
Chick: I think a lot about solitary confinement. Like, what would I do all day? –The Gate, Park Slope
The Child Is the Father Of the Wednesday One-Liner
Flamboyant hipster Latino to straight-looking Latino boyfriend: Someday he'll call you daddy, and then all hell is gonna break loose.
–Ave C & 16th St
Lady to nine-year-old boy: I hate to tell you, but your dad is in jail. He owes me a lot of money!
–R Train
Guy on cell: Yeah, look, I told you. Your bail was set at $18,000. The bail bondsman wants 10%. Where the fuck am I supposed to get $1,800 to bail your sorry ass out of jail? (pause) Yeah, I love you too, dad.
–33rd St b/w 7th & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Jason
FedEx delivery guy on cell: How the hell did Halle Berry get pregnant without me being the father?
–Spruce St
Overheard by: janine
The Anal Rape You Can Still Be Upset About– Deal?
Crazy guy running up to random student: I go to this guy for those peanuts they sell on the side of the street, I say “how much?” He tells me $1.50, so I start walking away, and he says one dollar. I went to state pen for ten years, and this is how I get treated?
Student: It's just peanuts man, you gotta let it go.
–59th St & Lexington
…I'm Glad You Were Having Fun
Man #1: Hey man! I thought you were doing 30 years?!
Man #2: That was 30 years!
–Hamilton Heights
Is Daddy Just Visiting?
Mom to little girl playing Monopoly: You're not in jail, you're just visiting.
Little girl: Why would I want to visit jail?
Mom: I don't know, that's just the way the board is.
–Hudson River Park
…Wanna See Some Adorable Snapshots?
Male cop: My brother got taken in for rape this morning. To jail.
Female cop: Yeah, one of my kids was arrested last week.
(both laugh)
–42nd St & Park Ave
Overheard by: Lynne