Archive for the ‘Prison’ Category

Wanna Buy a Bridge, Wednesday One-Liners?

10-year-old tourist kid: Mom, is Brooklyn famous for its graffiti?

–Coney Island-bound D train

Overheard by: BB

White guy, pointing: Over there in Brooklyn three-year-olds just, like, walk around!

–Delancey & Essex

Overheard by: Red Hair

Guy walking through bar: What’s with Brooklyn and beards?

–Union Hall, Park Slope

Overheard by: jasonjason

Guy: Brooklyn is the middle borough in terms of goodness.

–Kosher Delight

Thugette to double decker tour bus: Brooklyn! Brooklyn! You’re taking a tour of Brooklyn! I just got out of jail!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Staying on the bus….

Wednesday One-Liners Hope for Conjugal Visits

Trench coat guy on cell: Are they arresting you?

–72nd & West End

Overheard by: orlum

Woman rushing inside: Oh my god! I was almost an eyewitness to something!

–Viacom building, 44th & Broadway

Overheard by: bonster

Man on cell: I’m sorry to bother you, but I really don’t wanna go to jail…

–S 2nd & Bedford Ave

Overheard by: Are All Criminals So Polite?

Guy: That’s so true! He’ll willingly go to jail just for the free sex!

–Union Square Park

Chick toting a baby: Yeah, but I ain’t qualify fo’ that ’cause of all them felonies I got.

–Ridgewood, Queens

Overheard by: Grytsayo

Wednesday One-Liners Want Angelina Jolie to Adopt Them

Large black woman to another: So I said to him, "Muthafucka, don't you know a baby comes out of that shit? Ain't nothing you got down there gonna hurt me!"

–Fulton St

Old man with thick Russian accent: It is fresher than a baby's bottom!

–Ave M & E 16th, Brooklyn

Ghetto black guy on phone: Nah, I was locked up, but I'm out now, and she's tryin' to say it's my baby, but that shit ain't mine.

–Downtown 2 Train

Man on cell, passing adorable child playing with dog: I love fucking babies!

–10th & 53rd

Puerto Rican girl to pregnant friend: You feel like you have to poop, but that's just the baby.

–36th St & 34th Ave, Astoria

Overheard by: Bryan Bruner

Conductor: Ma'am, please step off the ramp platform and wait until it is safe. (pause) Miss, you're having a frickin' baby, get off the ramp! (she does) Thank you.

–Metro-North Rail Tracks

Overheard by: Theonlyonewhoseemedtonotice

Teenage mother to friends, running to catch subway: Last one gets the baby!

–Broadway

Overheard by: Francisco S. Ramírez

Your Unfounded Allegations Redound to My Detriment

Black guy #1: Lady, don’t sit next to that man, he’s got aids, motherfucker.
Black guy #2: Who you talkin’ bout aids? I went to prison for ten years and I don’t have no aids. Peace, brother.
Black guy #1: I tell you he got aids, motherfucker!
Black guy #2: Peace, brother, peace.
Black guy #1: Aids, motherfucker!

–PATH Train