Huge fat black lady: Dat nigga be bad!
Skinny black dude: Yeah, he real bad!
Huge fat black lady: Dat nigga be ba-aaad!
Laughing black guy sitting across train, screaming: Dat nigga be so bad he be born in jail!
–Q Train
Overheard by: lola
Archive for the ‘Prison’ Category
Wednesday One-Liners' Prints and DNA Are on File
Man dressed in briefs, on Halloween, to policeman: I want you to arrest me! She didn't listen to me! I want you to arrest me right now!
–W 17th St
Overheard by: The Girl in Vintage Formal
Slightly buzzed 40-something man, in very loud hushed tone: I know your son is in jail! Isn't he?
–Mid-Manhattan Library
Man to another: They let him go because my daughter couldn't identify him. But now she got glasses.
–Ave B & 6th St
Overheard by: Miss V
Agitated man, yelling into cell: I don't love you. I hate you. I did ten years and got seven felonies for you.
–Brooklyn
Girl to another: So I wrote "we're being kidnapped' on a piece of paper and pressed it against the window.
–Famous Famiglia, 111th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Lucy
High school girl: That nigga just got *out* of jail. That reminds me, I need to go to Bushwick.
–Grand St & Bushwick Ave
Overheard by: rpk
But Compulsory Animal Crackers and Juice Would Just Be Inhumane
Loud dude: I think nap time should be enforced by the government. Anyone who doesn't take a nap should be sent to jail.
Friend: Yeah, nap jail!
–D Train
…When I Was a Kid
Guy #1: Wow, I can't believe we're at the Macy's parade, I used to watch this on tv as a kid.
Guy #2: I used to watch this on tv in jail.
–34th St
Overheard by: Heibi
Wednesday One-Liners With Teardrop Tattoos
Tall thug to another: Yo,… I love jail food!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Never had it
Dad to overly excited daughter: Yes, you can tell your mom you went in the bouncy castle in front of the prison.
–Atlantic & Smith
Screaming four-year-old to mom: Are you going to put me in jail?
–Q Train
Young mother to baby, pinching his cheeks: Daddy's in prison! Prisonprisonprisonprisonprison!
–Jackson Heights, Queens
Overheard by: Giving up all hope Newsbunny
Portrait Of the Repeat Offender As a Young Man
Father to little boy: If you keep misbehaving, the police are gonna take you to jail.
Little boy: (giant grin)
–110th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Wonder If I Could Rent One
Fat old guy: That was refreshing.
Fatter old guy: Yeah. But it's like a dog chasing a car, though–what would you do with it if you caught it?
Fat old guy: Go to jail?
Fatter old guy: Yeah. (chuckles) Sixteen'll get you twenty.
–Hamilton Square
Bowling for Wednesday One-Liner
Drunk thug, reflecting on his baby-mama's new man: I love motherfuckin' guns, and that's the bottom line, but I don't wanna go to jail.
–Bar, Cortelyou Road
Boy to limping blonde struggling to keep up: Oh my god, if you were a horse I would shoot you.
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: The Game
Father to two small children, pulling them away from the register: C'mon, guys. Let's go before mommy shoots herself.
–Forbidden Planet, 13th & Broadway
Loud black girl: It's Manhattan, I don't have to worry about getting shot.
–NYU
Guy on cell: Hey man, aren't you tired of being shot?
–Queens Center Mall
…Resourceful.
Girl #1: When I was pregnant I was addicted to eating deodorant.
Girl #2: Damn, girl, that's just wrong!
Girl #1: It was so bad I couldn't even see my man in prison cause I couldn't go that long without some deodorant. Secret was good, but I didn't like that Dove shit. Sometimes I'd have to test that stuff out in the store. I'm all takin' a little lick, puttin' it back if I don't like it.
Girl #2: Shit girl, you're crazy.
–6 Train
Meet the Guy Who Makes the Subway Doors Open
Crazy ranting black guy: My divinity is hot… my arrows can block the clouds. I wanna be the Imperial Leader for all time. My lizards will rule everyone. If y'all do what I say, things'll be fine.
Annoyed black lady, as he continues ranting: Whatever they gave him, it was too much. Oh my god! Why we gotta deal with this shit? Economic crisis and all, and still gotta deal with crazy people!
Crazy ranting black guy: Son, I open doors. Try to clap your heels three times and open doors like me–you can't do it! In prison, in the hood…
Annoyed black lady, now yelling: Why pick a train? Why not go to the hood like you say? Go to wherever you started that shit and deal. You need a therapist for real!
–A Train
Overheard by: Tigertail