Archive for the ‘Prison’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners' Prints and DNA Are on File

Man dressed in briefs, on Halloween, to policeman: I want you to arrest me! She didn't listen to me! I want you to arrest me right now!

–W 17th St

Overheard by: The Girl in Vintage Formal

Slightly buzzed 40-something man, in very loud hushed tone: I know your son is in jail! Isn't he?

–Mid-Manhattan Library

Man to another: They let him go because my daughter couldn't identify him. But now she got glasses.

–Ave B & 6th St

Overheard by: Miss V

Agitated man, yelling into cell: I don't love you. I hate you. I did ten years and got seven felonies for you.

–Brooklyn

Girl to another: So I wrote "we're being kidnapped' on a piece of paper and pressed it against the window.

–Famous Famiglia, 111th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Lucy

High school girl: That nigga just got *out* of jail. That reminds me, I need to go to Bushwick.

–Grand St & Bushwick Ave

Overheard by: rpk

Wednesday One-Liners With Teardrop Tattoos

Tall thug to another: Yo,… I love jail food!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Never had it

Dad to overly excited daughter: Yes, you can tell your mom you went in the bouncy castle in front of the prison.

–Atlantic & Smith

Screaming four-year-old to mom: Are you going to put me in jail?

–Q Train

Young mother to baby, pinching his cheeks: Daddy's in prison! Prisonprisonprisonprisonprison!

–Jackson Heights, Queens

Overheard by: Giving up all hope Newsbunny

Bowling for Wednesday One-Liner

Drunk thug, reflecting on his baby-mama's new man: I love motherfuckin' guns, and that's the bottom line, but I don't wanna go to jail.

–Bar, Cortelyou Road

Boy to limping blonde struggling to keep up: Oh my god, if you were a horse I would shoot you.

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: The Game

Father to two small children, pulling them away from the register: C'mon, guys. Let's go before mommy shoots herself.

–Forbidden Planet, 13th & Broadway

Loud black girl: It's Manhattan, I don't have to worry about getting shot.

–NYU

Guy on cell: Hey man, aren't you tired of being shot?

–Queens Center Mall

…Resourceful.

Girl #1: When I was pregnant I was addicted to eating deodorant.
Girl #2: Damn, girl, that's just wrong!
Girl #1: It was so bad I couldn't even see my man in prison cause I couldn't go that long without some deodorant. Secret was good, but I didn't like that Dove shit. Sometimes I'd have to test that stuff out in the store. I'm all takin' a little lick, puttin' it back if I don't like it.
Girl #2: Shit girl, you're crazy.

–6 Train

Meet the Guy Who Makes the Subway Doors Open

Crazy ranting black guy: My divinity is hot… my arrows can block the clouds. I wanna be the Imperial Leader for all time. My lizards will rule everyone. If y'all do what I say, things'll be fine.
Annoyed black lady, as he continues ranting: Whatever they gave him, it was too much. Oh my god! Why we gotta deal with this shit? Economic crisis and all, and still gotta deal with crazy people!
Crazy ranting black guy: Son, I open doors. Try to clap your heels three times and open doors like me–you can't do it! In prison, in the hood…
Annoyed black lady, now yelling: Why pick a train? Why not go to the hood like you say? Go to wherever you started that shit and deal. You need a therapist for real!

–A Train

Overheard by: Tigertail

Why Do I Always Get Headaches When I Hang Out with You?

Girl to foreign friend: I wish my friend Lockdown lived here, but he lives in LA.
Foreign friend: Low down?
Girl: Lockdown.
Foreign friend: What is he?
Girl: Lockdown!
Foreign friend: Lookdown?
Girl: No! Lockdown.
Foreign friend: He's in jail ?
Girl: No, he's not locked up, he's Lockdown.
Foreign friend: So he's married?
Girl: No! His name is Lockdown. He's single.
Foreign friend: So, is he from Malaysia?
Girl: No, Michigan.

–N 6th St & Bedford Ave, Brooklyn