Archive for the ‘Prison’ Category

“Et Tu, Wednesday One-Liner?”

Very young thug to slightly older thug: My nigga, I'm the fuckin' ghetto McGyver! I can make a…a cigarette filter into a knife!

–Uptown B Train

Overheard by: It's a little too squishy to be very threatening…

Ghetto man: A woman tried to stab me once while we was having sex!

–Broadway & 32nd St

Girl on cell: She got stabbed 15 times. They said it was self defense.

–94th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Dan Rosen

Black guy on cell: Dude, she was trying to stab me with a corkscrew! I couldn't listen to you at a time like that! I was in crisis mode! (pause) Yes! A fucking corkscrew! A corkscrew, nigga! A motherfucking corkscrew!

–Fulton Street Mall

Hobo, wearing plastic crown wrapped in toilet paper: And after I got out of jail for trying to stab that motherfucker with a screwdriver, I said "fuck it, I'm the motherfucking Statue of Liberty! What you looking at, whitey?"

–4/5 Train

Overheard by: Whitey

Hip young NYU student on cell: I was with Ricky again last night. (pause) Yeah, I had to pull the knife out on him again. (pause) No, but it was funny, though.

–NYU

Overheard by: brooklyn1234

Where the Cons Are Doms

Guy #1, at bar: What?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Guy #3: Really?
Guy #2: Yeah. I don't use condoms. My religion doesn't allow it.
Guy #3: You'll do just fine in prison.

–Dojo's Restaurant, 14th St

Headline by: Incognito

Runners-Up:
· “And That’s How the Church Of Barebacking Got Its Start” – Botticus

· “Fortunately for Him, Dudeism Also Forbids Paying Child Support” – Jim C.
· “I Hear There’s a Waiting List for Priests…” – Father Dick
· “It’s Not Losing Your Virginity If You Don’t Use *Your* Penis” – samson
· “Jail
: The Last Refuge Of the Religious” – BenGay

· “Stop Calling Our Marriage a Prison” – Sandy Paws
· “The “Abstinence Only” Crowd Finds Their Niche” – again
· “Why Couldn’t My Cell Mate Be More Like You?” – Fresca P.
· “You Already Know How to Turn the Other Cheek” – Kelly


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Yo Momma So Wednesday, She One-Liners!

Woman on cell: Oh, and by the way, I called my mother to thank her. (pause) No, I said, "Mom, I'm calling on behalf of me and the girls to thank you very much." (longer pause) Well, she can just go fuck herself then.

–90th & Amsterdam Ave

Man on cell: You know a guy really likes a girl when he takes her home to meet his mom…and you know what, Sheila? You ain't never gonna meet my mom.

–South Slope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: smfd

Female college student to friend: We really need to cougarize your mom.

–111th & Broadway

Overheard by: Oh really

Guy: So, hey, my mom didn't die today.

–W 26th & 8th

Overheard by: Katie_AK

Girl sneaking into open conductor's room in front of the train: Next stop, your mother's asshole! Stand clear of the closing cheeks!

–6 Train

Overheard by: Adriana

Handbag seller on street corner: Yo! Tell yo mama I got her bag right here!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Taryn

Girl on cell: Yeah, I'm bussin' it for now, my mom's on this thing that I have to show her responsibility… I know, it's like I get up in the morning, I haven't gotten arrested in a while, and I have a job, what more do you want from me?

–Seguine Ave & Waterbury, Staten Island

One Wednesday One-Liner to Live

Woman, pushing baby in stroller through flock of pigeons and hearing him laugh hysterically: Yeah, yeah, sometimes it's the little things in life.

–76th St

Overheard by: jaytro

Guerrilla Top of the Rock marketer: Carpet munching can get you far in life.

–Rockefeller Center

Twelve-year-old girl at Tila Tequila's book signing: This is the greatest day of my life.

–Barnes & Noble, Tribeca

Overheard by: Helene and Kristina

Short fat white woman to tall older man: Well, I really have no problem with spending life in jail. I really don't.

–Father Demo Square

Man, not moving: This place is draining the life out of me.

–IKEA Store

Overheard by: Les Izzmore

Train operator: This is a life-altering bound r train. Prepare to be amazed. Next stop, Nirvana.

–R Train

Wednesday Pleads Down to One-Liners

Thuggish Asian watching Cops in store window: Yo, the one without the shirt is always guilty.

–College Point

Teen girl on cell: I tried biting some people, I got arrested.

–R Train

Overheard by: Jon

Very loud and drunk crackhead to friend: I don't care who you are. Everybody goes to jail some time.

–Hoyt & Warren, Brooklyn

Pharmacist on phone: Oh my, is she okay? (pause) That's when you got arrested on the plane?
(pause) At Fort Dix!?

–Drugstore, 6th Ave

Overheard by: Transit161

Friend to another, yelling across street: Good luck with your rape case…I know it wasn't you!

–Centre & Grand

Overheard by: jzjmrdangerdowntown

Small boy, singing to himself: Goodbye, everybody say goodbye… To Chris Brown…'cuz he smacked a woman and he's going to jail.

–Barnard College