Hip Hop Guy on cell: I’ll just keep my nuts shaved and everything’ll be fine. –Varick Street Coffee guy on phone: I’m not talking about whacking off, I’m talking about fried chicken! –Alt.coffee, Avenue A Overheard by: Dibson Hoffweiler
Archive for the ‘Private Parts’ Category
Wednesday One-liners
Drunk Guy: That girl’s tits are huge! And it’s snowing! –Fordham A man on a tandem bicycle turns to the woman on it and says: You know, it’s remarkable just how much like weddings funerals actually are. –Varick Street Overheard by: Sparkle Shortz
Only in New York and Only in Her
Cum slut: I thought the spermicide would take the sperm away. But it stayed in there and just got itchy. And burns. –Ginger, Ave. A Overheard by: Tibbie X
Ah, The Dangers of Voting
Guy: Yeah, man, that’s true. But you have to keep in mind that while you’re emotionally emasculated, he’s physically emasculated, and there’s a helluva difference. –Knitting Factory Overheard by: Patrick Taylor
Is There a Right Answer to This?
Gay man: Have you ever smelled your ass, after you buttfuck? –18th & 6th Overheard by: Dana
I Liked It When Size Didn’t Matter
Chick #1: He was a skateboarder.
Chick #2: Yeah. Let me just say that he was locked and loaded. He had a nice package.
–Our Place, 3rd Avenue
Teabagging 101
Preteen Boy #1: Get her, fuck her, leave her.
Preteen Boy #2: Is that what you do?
Preteen Boy #1: Hell yeah. Teabagging.
Preteen Boy #2: Teabagging?
Preteen Boy #1: Yeah. Get in and get out. That’s teabagging.
Preteen Boy #2: Ha, ha! Teabagging!
Preteen Boy #1: Hey, how do you spell Utah?
Preteen Boy #2: U… U…
Preteen Boy #1: Tell me how to spell Utah, motherfucker!
–Smith/9th St. Station
Overheard by: Mary Phillips-Sandy
We Are Talking About Yoga, Right?
Girl to guy friend: Ohmigod, I accidentally walked in on my mom while she was doing it last night!
Guy: Super nasty. I'd hate to see that.
Girl: Actually, mom was holding it down. I think I could learn some moves from her.
Guy: What? How long did you watch?
Girl: It was nothing, like ten minutes.
–33rd St & Lexington
Overheard by: tinydancer
Boys Don't Wednesday One-Liner
Mom to small children: Well, we all have parts. And these parts talk to our bodies and tell us we are a boy or a girl. And sometimes these parts get confused.
–Washington Square East
20-something girl to male friend: You're a dirty girl! You're a dirty girl! You're a dirty girl!
–N Train
Overheard by: TR
Mother to gender-transitioning son, questioning plans for surgery: Are you a boy trapped in a girl's body? I'm getting a face lift, and it's because I'm a young person trapped in an old person's body.
–39th & 9th
Man in yellow and green track suit and aviator sunglasses: Nah, I can't go. That's when I'm having my breast reduction.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Ems
Teenage boy: I don't wanna be on that block, son! I know too many trannies on that block!
–Bedford & Grove
Overheard by: How many is too many?
Guy on cell, leaving message: Hello, Dave. This is your mother.
–Tisch School of the Arts
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Teen boy: Fear me, I have vaginitis!
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: Jingles
Wednesday One-Liners Wanna See You Sweat!
Guy in courtyard, doing pelvic thrusts: Up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and…
–NYU Dorm
Girl to friends: Yeah, after he stopped doing yoga it all went downhill…
–East Village
Guy on cell, screaming: I'm a machine! I'm unstoppable! Who goes out till four in the morning and then destroys a triathlon the next day? I'm a machine!
–91st St & York Ave
50-something yoga instructor: Bring attention to your reproductive organs, squeeze them as hard as you can, and release. Let them go, let them hang loose.
–Yoga Studio
Overheard by: Puff
Conductor: I was watching the winter Olympics speed skating and I got to thinking about the summer Olympics. A New Yorker should win the 100 meter dash. All they have to do is put an open train door at the end of the track and start the race with "boop boop." You know that New Yorker is going to win the gold. Ya'll have a good day now.
–A Train
Overheard by: Commuter #1,792,824