Archive for the ‘Private Parts’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Have Nothing to Lose But Their Chains

Bearded male hipster on cell: My clit is so stimulated right now! (pause) The communists are attacking! (pause) This is awkward.

–Grassroots Bar

Overheard by: Sarah Booz

Guy playing guitar: Look on the bright side, at least we don't have to wait in line for toilet paper anymore. Fucking communists.

–L Train

Overheard by: Milt

Man, seeing another man carrying large box of cereal from warehouse store: That's the biggest box of Cheerios I've seen since we lived on the commune!

–6 Train

Overheard by: Janine

Young, normally-dressed guy, to no one in particular: Your President is a commie scumbag, and he owes me money.

–23rd St b/w 5th & 6th

Keep Your Wednesday One-Liner in Your Pants, Dude

Preppy guy: This may be the last thing I say with my penis attached, but…

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Hunter

Girl on cell: Well, I mean… his penis is really important here, if his is better I'll take him!

–26th St & Lexington Ave

Overheard by: your mom

Asian guy: Everyone else was on the floor. Everyone had a penis in their face.

–D Train

Overheard by: Jon A.

Girl on cell: All I'm saying is: don't jump on the first penis that comes along!

–Broadway

Boss, about weightlifting: My genitals were so inverted I used to crap my penis.

–5th Ave

Teacher: There are about six euphemisms for "penis" in the first scene!

–Junior High School

Overheard by: gabygrillz

Wednesday One-Liners Aspire to Be Betty White

Old dog lady, smoking: Me, I've already been spayed.

–Dog Adoption Booth, Brooklyn

Overheard by: PrairieSquid

Old woman to another: Darling, I didn't know your husband was still alive!

–Restaurant, Upper East Side

Elderly black woman, yelling to line of cars honking their horns for Puerto Rican Day parade: Get yo punk asses back to 5th Ave!

–Grand & Graham

Elderly woman, complaining to physical therapist: I keep walkin' like I'm drunk (pause) Cause I am drunk.

–12th & University

Overheard by: tbs

Old lady, after being knocked down by man on bike: You know what… Go to hell! (giggles to herself) I haven't said that in a looong time.

–Union Square

Overheard by: letthesunshine

Vegetarians Won't Eat Anything with a Wednesday One-Liner

(man standing on bus gets a little too close to the man sitting in front of him)
Sitting man
: Wrong person, right day. Son, do not put your genitals in my face!


–M101 Bus

(skateboarder tries to do a trick on the curb and flies face-first onto pavement)
Skateboarding friend, checking on him
: Dude! His face looks like a clitoris!


–Union Square

Overheard by: I Looked Away

Crazy man to another: What the fuck's the matter with your face, man? You look like a fuckin' Rottweiler! Shit!

–Q Train

Creepy doorman to male tourist: If you wake up in the morning with a bush in front of your face, don't ask any questions.

–30 Rock

Overheard by: MusicMagGirl

Jon Lovitz, Is That You Again?

Girl #1: Oh my gosh. I have to pee so bad. Do you think this restaurant will let me use their bathroom?
Girl #2: I don't know, why don't you ask?
Hobo, sunbathing in front of restaurant: Why, of course you may use the bathroom, young lady. But you will have to pay $5.
Girl #1: How do you know?
Hobo: Because this is my restaurant and I own this building.
Girl #2: I find that hard to believe.
Hobo: Look, you can believe me or not, but if you don't pay me the $5 fee, I'm going to expose my golden privates to you. Either way, I come out on top, you see?
Girl #2: Unbelievable! (walks away)
Hobo: Why, thank you.

–Times Square

I Don't Follow…

Student giving presentation: The angel statue on his grave actually had male genitalia on it, but the cemetery keepers broke it off and used it as a paperweight.
Dumb student: Where on the statue was the genitalia?
Student giving presentation, after long pause: In the same place as male genitalia on a body?

–Classroom, NYU

Overheard by: You've got to be kidding me

Oh, Get Your Mind Out Of the Wednesday One-Liner!

Angry bus driver: Get out of my rear. Get out of my rear.

–Q44 Bus

Overheard by: This is why men do not give birth

Law professor, pulling out a cough drop: Sorry guys, if I don't suck on this, I just won't make it.

–CUNY Law School

Overheard by: That's what she said

Chemistry teacher: No, it's really warm here. (pause) Feel my test-tube.

–Stuyvesant High School

Large black lady to girlfriend: I'm not gonna let him put his babbaganush in my peace pipe!

–Houston St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: ian has a face

Loud woman on cell: Yes, he stuck it up my right one, and when it was halfway in, I was like "ow, you need to take it out!" and then he stuck it up my left one, and I felt no discomfort!

–72nd & 2nd

Old lady to another: So is there an oral tradition in your family then?

–86th & Broadway

Overheard by: Frenchie

The Audacity Of Wednesday One-Liners

Black guy, cutting in front of line at movie theater: Excuse me, Barack Obama is President now. Thank you.

–AMC Movie Theater

Overheard by: Emmy

Man with hand stuck in bus door to bus driver: We got a black President and you actin' like this? You civil service!

–14D Bus

Sketching Jamaican hobo: Obama is some kinda skateboard.

–Shuttle to Times Square

Subway hobo: How come Obama don't have sex with his wife no more? Because every time she opens her legs, he sees bush!

–1 Train

Man to toddler in his arms: That's Obama. He's gonna save us all from doom! From doom!

–University & 12th St