Archive for the ‘Promiscuity’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Love You, Man

Drunk chick: Who wants a bite of my freak salad? Whoo!

–Hudson & W 11th

Very drunk male hipster: Whass the problem? Roofies make you goofy!

–Stanton & Allen

Wasted college girl: Guys, let's go get more drunk! I wanna get laid! (to another girl on cell) Tell your boyfriend I wanna get laid!

–115th & Broadway

Overheard by: Oh, dear.

Man of questionable sobriety: She tore off my shirt with her teeth, and then covered my chest in Jameson, licked it off, and then humped my face until I fell off the swing.

–Red Restaurant, South Street Seaport

Wednesday One-Liners: “Toga! Toga! Toga!”

60-something white woman: They put on a good show. Those Jesuits really know how to party!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Jeff

Gay man to others, about parties: Yeah, I thought about going to the black party, but I'm not that gay!

–7th Ave & 6th St

Overheard by: NottRob

Young woman: I'm twenty-seven. I've never been to a party, a sexy party, where I don't remember who I've slept with.

–21st St & Lexington

Overheard by: Jonas

Chick on cell: I can't. It's my cousin's chihuahua's birthday party.

–28th St & Lexington

Overheard by: sounds like a rager

On the Plus Side, You'll Probably Blend Right in with the Cab.

Girl #1: Oh my god, I can't wait to get home and take a shower… I feel so disgusting right now!
Girl #2: You feel disgusting!? I'm not even wearing panties right now, because I fucked some random guy in the bathroom at the bar last night, and my panties fell in a puddle of piss. I definitely need a shower!

–LGA Airport Taxi Line

Overheard by: Joe

Wednesday One-Liners Enjoy Team Sports

20-something guy on BlackBerry: No, he's not gay. I was in a fivesome with him, but he's not gay.

–L Train

Girl to gay friend after walking into gay bar: Dude, either find me a straight boy or two Asians that will let me watch.

–NYC

Girl to guy friends: I mean, he's okay he had the threesome–the guy was his best friend!

–8th St & 5th Ave

Angry woman on phone: While you're out having orgies I am doing the real work!

–Victorian Flatbush

Pretentious professor type in academic tone: My ex had unrealistic fantasies. She used to dream about being fucked by God and Satan and the same time. How could I live up to that?

–NYU

It's Enough to Have an Albanian Boyfriend Who Beats Me

20-something girl #1, running into friend: Oh hey!! How are you?
20-something girl #2: Doing so well! It's nice to see you…
(they catch up, and five minutes later)
20-something girl #1, changing the subject without warning
: Yeah, I know a lot of Johns.

20-something girl #2, shocked: Oh. Hah… damn, girl! It has been a while. What've you been up to that you know a bunch of Johns?
20-something girl #1, after confused pause: Oh… Oh! I mean I know a lot of people named John. I don't… Well… Yeah. I don't do that.
20-something girl #2, laughing: Oh, good! Girl, I was gonna say, “Well, she used to be kind of a slut, but straight-up prostitution is a little out of character.”
20-something girl #1, laughing: I know, right?

–6 Train

Overheard by: …Did you miss that she just called you a slut?

I Think That's Called Dishonorable Discharge

Ditzy bonde: So, like, you remember those two guys from the bar last night?
Sensible black chick: Yeah.
Ditzy bonde: I fucked 'em both! One after the other. Bam! Bam!
Sensible black chick: Jesus, Diane*! They wore condoms, riiight?
Ditzy bonde thoughtfully: Well, they were still dribbling out of me this morning… So no!

–Union Square Station

Overheard by: Bart Simpson's shudder