Archive for the ‘Prostitutes’ Category

Wednesdays Pad Their One-Liners

Football player on razor scooter, chasing shirtless theater major: I'll get you my pretty… And your little dick too!

–Wagner College

Girl, looking at long ladies bathroom queue: At times like these, I wish women had dicks.

–Winter Garden Theatre

Slightly drunk man: I feel like someone just shut a door on my dick.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Sunny

Hooker to pimp: I had to suck his dick in front of everyone!

–Outside Penn Station

Overheard by: David

Hell is…Other Staten Island People

Woman: Yeah, he was a “client”.
Man #1: The Pope?
Woman: Yeah! Lots of times.
Man #2: Oops…no, I’m not saying it…I’m going to hell.
Woman: What? No, now you gotta tell me.
Man #2: Uh, was he good?…you know…with the Parkinson’s…sorta like a built-in vibrator. Did he have the Michael J. Fox thing going on? BVVVVT!
Man #1: Oh no!
Woman: Oh my God! You are going to hell.
Man #2: And you’re not? You fucked the Pope! –Tottenville, Staten Island

Don’t Talk With Your Mouth Full

Middle-Aged man: I hope we don’t get caught.
Prostitute: Don’t worry, I never have. –81st & Amsterdam
Headline by: Sean
Runners-Up:
· “…Not Once in My Ten Years on the Force.” – Ingwall
· “Any Extra Charge For the Lip Service?” – Hobo Whisperer
· “He Was Looking For, ”Cause Then We’d Have to Be Punished…'” – alex
· “I’ve Got My Lucky Condom” – Sheri
· “Is Hugh Grant Considered ‘Middle-Aged’?” – Matthew McGuirl
· “My Parents Will Be Home in an Hour” – Lois
· “Skip the Condom. She’s Been Tested, Too” – Andy Adelewitz
· “Take Your Father to Work Day” – Sean Mc Grath

Honorable mentions:
· “Charge Me If You Can” – petch
· “If You Can’t Beat ‘Em (in Public)” – Heather
· “They Were Talking About Their Braces.” – Allison
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

You Can’t Spell Wednesday One-liners Without TMI

Suit on cell: And your penis is bigger now? –68th & Lexington Guy: I’m being totally honest, you guys…I pulled my groin playing ping pong. –51st & Lexington Overheard by: Mike Barish Lady: Well, I don’t think he realized I was a hooker! –73rd & Broadway Overheard by: Sandro Olivieri Girl on cell: So he was a big guy, and he was pretty big, but not that big, but I’m, like, tiny, so we tried, but it wouldn’t go in. Are you listening to me? No, it wouldn’t fit…what could I do? I dropped to my knees and did what I could, but we just won’t work. –West Broadway & Houston Overheard by: Darby O’Gill Mustache: I walked in and it was clearly a gang bang gone awry. –Dive bar, 96th Street

Christian Siriano: “Wednesday Is a Hot One-Liner Mess”

Disco-glam drag queen: It was! It was baby oil, and I knew it!

–Rubulad, Bed-Stuy

Overheard by: Katie

Black drag queen in kimono: I'm a corn pone Southern faggot, we do not do yoga.

–Tribeca

Overheard by: Ryan K

Hysterical Latina transvestite: My life is in my ass, mijo!

–2 Train

Overheard by: Jean

Drag queen hooker to older lady staring at her: You so wish you could wear a onesie like me.

–MTA