Football player on razor scooter, chasing shirtless theater major: I'll get you my pretty… And your little dick too! –Wagner College Girl, looking at long ladies bathroom queue: At times like these, I wish women had dicks. –Winter Garden Theatre Slightly drunk man: I feel like someone just shut a door on my dick. –Park Slope Overheard by: Sunny Hooker to pimp: I had to suck his dick in front of everyone! –Outside Penn Station Overheard by: David
Woman: Yeah, he was a “client”.
Man #1: The Pope?
Woman: Yeah! Lots of times.
Man #2: Oops…no, I’m not saying it…I’m going to hell.
Woman: What? No, now you gotta tell me.
Man #2: Uh, was he good?…you know…with the Parkinson’s…sorta like a built-in vibrator. Did he have the Michael J. Fox thing going on? BVVVVT!
Man #1: Oh no!
Woman: Oh my God! You are going to hell.
Man #2: And you’re not? You fucked the Pope! –Tottenville, Staten Island
Guy: 100 bucks! Can you believe it? 100 bucks and all I had to do was suck on his toes for a while!
Overheard by: J. B. Palka
Hobo preacher: You might as well just start wiping your ass with your
college diploma, because that’s all they’re good for anyway. –Union Square
Yuppie girl: So yeah, I heard he was on that pill that makes you horny.
Yuppie guy: Allegra?
Yuppie girl: No, dumbass, that’s the one that prostitutes take. –S train Overheard by: Glynnis
Middle-Aged man: I hope we don’t get caught.
Prostitute: Don’t worry, I never have. –81st & Amsterdam
Headline by: Sean
· “…Not Once in My Ten Years on the Force.” – Ingwall
· “Any Extra Charge For the Lip Service?” – Hobo Whisperer
· “He Was Looking For, ”Cause Then We’d Have to Be Punished…'” – alex
· “I’ve Got My Lucky Condom” – Sheri
· “Is Hugh Grant Considered ‘Middle-Aged’?” – Matthew McGuirl
· “My Parents Will Be Home in an Hour” – Lois
· “Skip the Condom. She’s Been Tested, Too” – Andy Adelewitz
· “Take Your Father to Work Day” – Sean Mc Grath
· “Charge Me If You Can” – petch
· “If You Can’t Beat ‘Em (in Public)” – Heather
· “They Were Talking About Their Braces.” – Allison
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Suit on cell: And your penis is bigger now? –68th & Lexington Guy: I’m being totally honest, you guys…I pulled my groin playing ping pong. –51st & Lexington Overheard by: Mike Barish Lady: Well, I don’t think he realized I was a hooker! –73rd & Broadway Overheard by: Sandro Olivieri Girl on cell: So he was a big guy, and he was pretty big, but not that big, but I’m, like, tiny, so we tried, but it wouldn’t go in. Are you listening to me? No, it wouldn’t fit…what could I do? I dropped to my knees and did what I could, but we just won’t work. –West Broadway & Houston Overheard by: Darby O’Gill Mustache: I walked in and it was clearly a gang bang gone awry. –Dive bar, 96th Street
Woman selling crap on side of road: Come on, let’s go get high, so you can make love to me, so we can get something to eat. Come on. –Fulton and Gold
Chick: I don’t have any more cigarettes.
Bag lady: I don’t want no cigarette. I ain’t no crack addict. I’m a ho. –outside Ding Dong Lounge, UWS
Disco-glam drag queen: It was! It was baby oil, and I knew it! –Rubulad, Bed-Stuy Overheard by: Katie Black drag queen in kimono: I'm a corn pone Southern faggot, we do not do yoga. –Tribeca Overheard by: Ryan K Hysterical Latina transvestite: My life is in my ass, mijo! –2 Train Overheard by: Jean Drag queen hooker to older lady staring at her: You so wish you could wear a onesie like me. –MTA
Prostitute #1: And then she got pregnant by a homeless man!
Prostitute #2: Even I think that's low! –Doyers St.