Archive for the ‘Prostitutes’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Will Do Anything but Kiss on the Mouth

Woman: Yeah, but just because you can play a dying crackwhore in Rent, that doesn’t mean that you can play a dying crackwhore in Les Mis — they’re two different kinds of whores!

–Broadhurst Theatre

Columbia chick: Yeah, I’d be the Mother Theresa of prostitutes.

–Columbia University

Couple arguing on the street: You want to talk about the truth, fine — let’s talk about the truth! What about that time I found you upstairs in our apartment smoking crack with that prostitute?

–2nd Ave & E 5th St

Overheard by: Awestruck Iowan

Girl: Well, of course I’m mad… She’s taking my pimp from me!

–Mall

Announcer: There is a ‘B’-as-in-‘brothel’ train approaching the station.

–59th St, Columbus Circle Station

Overheard by: Jennifer

Chick on cell: I think we’re all hypothetical hookers, to some extent.

–Harlem

Overheard by: McF

King: I’ll Take the Hooker, Thank You

Teacher: If you were convicted of murder, who would you send to ride to the king to get a pardon?
Student: A rider.
Teacher: Can you spell that? Do you mean a ‘writer’?
Student: R-I-D-E-R — someone who is good with horses.
Teacher: So what is important is his sportsmanship?
Student: Maybe a servant? A friend of the king?
Teacher: What is one of the oldest professions?
Student: A prostitute?
Teacher: A lawyer!

–New York Law School

Wednesday One-Liners Know the Guys Down at Vice a Little Too Well

Sassy woman: No, no, no, no. What I don’t think you understand is, his parents are his mother and a pimp. –33rd & 8th Overheard by: Alex Drunk girl: I don’t want to be sold for five dollars on the street! –1st Ave between 2nd & 3rd Overheard by: Kira Record label coordinator: This company needs a hit like a crackwhore on payday. –150 5th Ave Addiction expert: I don’t think he’s addicted to porn, but I think he does, like, coke off hookers’ asses. –6 train, 68th St Old Jewess: I couldn’t tell if they were singers or prostitutes. –1 train, 42nd St Overheard by: Kimdog Man on cell: So then the hooker walked in with a squeegee. Then I knew it had gone way too far! –Times Square Guy: She’s kind of the President of the Prostitute Guild. –Hughes Ave, the Bronx Overheard by: Jess McGins

The Technical Term Is ‘Crack Whore’

Drunk girl #1: I can’t believe he offered us $20 for that.
Drunk girl #2: We should have just took it. $20 is $20. We didn’t even have to do anything. We didn’t even have to look!
Drunk girl #1: Yeah, true, but can you imagine if those other two came around the corner while he was doing that.
Drunk girl #2: Yeah, you’re right. They would not only think we were crackheads, but prostitutes too.

–Woodlawn

Wednesday One-Liners Know How to Dicker

Little gangster kid: Yo, the last time I went fishing I got a fishing lure stuck in my dick. –Prospect Park, Brooklyn Hobo: Everybody’s somebody on my dick! –Union Square Overheard by: Rebecca Girl, to male co-worker: Can you be a little more subtle and not such a dick-swinger about your Amstel Light? –Conde Nast Bldg, 57th & 8th Overheard by: Kenzi Woman: At least I don’t suck dicks for free! –Broadway and Putnam, Brooklyn Overheard by: Tommi Drunk college student: My redeeming factor is I will suck fucking dick to make money. –Rockefeller Center Overheard by: dank Guy on cell: Take it like a bowl of dicks. –14th & 5th Overheard by: Johnny Bonsanto Fat guy: So I asked her, and she gave me her number, and then it was disconnected. So I went back the next week, and she wasn’t working there anymore. So I wondered, did she quit her job just to avoid sucking my dick? –Bleecker & Sullivan Overheard by: Caroline